


Scorched Earth, Shattered Steel

by Maxforce, SneakyDevil



Series: Broken Fate [1]
Category: Dark Souls (Video Games)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Epic Battles, Gen, Humor, Magic is crazy when unshackled from Game Mechanics, Miracles, Pyromancy, Sad Guy is Crestfallen Warrior, Spell Creation, The Abyss is an actual threat, The Main Characters are crazy, sorcery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-13 05:09:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 71,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4509039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maxforce/pseuds/Maxforce, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SneakyDevil/pseuds/SneakyDevil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Burning Determination. Rock-Solid Resolve. Traits that could be used to describe our two adventurers. Both a long way from home, subjected to the whims of a world warped by a flickering First Flame. These two lost souls will test Lordran and its Inhabitants' mettle on their path to figuring out just what happened to bring Lordran, the Land of the Gods, so low....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pilot Episode

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the Archive Copy! (Brought to you by Sneaky Devil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you meet the cast. Laugh at antics. and realize the depth of what we are attempting to undertake.

**Maxforce: So, this is a thing. Scorched Earth, Shattered Steel is a co-operative story by SneakyDevil and myself to write a Dark Souls fanfic based on our own co-op playthrough of Dark Souls. We fell in love with this game, had many shenanigans, and became attached to our characters, giving them personalities and whatnot. We looked into the Dark Souls lore, learning more about each character and item, reading theories and making up some of our own. In the end, we had a full on adventure of nuttyness, discoveries, and fun and decided that we’d put it down on paper. And thus, this story was born.**

**(Sneaky: Some advice: read the Narrator is a british accent, helps.)**

**EDIT: Sneaky: Rewritten and re-released for your pleasure, this first chapter was a serious doozy in awful. We like to think we have improved.**

**Max: Oh, the title art is courtesy of Karniz. Go check out her stuff! Links on our account page. Who knows, you might be able to get a commission from her if they’re open!**

**Normal text is Narration**

_**Italicized Text is Narrator Speaking** _

_**‘This is what thoughts look like’** _

<-<->->

It was a fairly normal day in Lordran. The crow flew across the ocean, reveling in the feel of the wind over its feathers, the sun reflecting off of the waves, the asylum burning in the distance...the asylum was burning. _This...this wasn’t in the script.Hold on, I can think of something…_

_Okay. Got it._

It was a fairly normal day in Lordran. The crow flew across the ocean, reveling in the feel of the wind over its feathers, the sun reflecting off of the waves, the asylum burning in the distance, but fortunately for Lordran, there was a conveniently placed second Asylum near-by. Unfortunately for Lordran, however...its hard to find more sane undead on such a short notice so this Asylum was just filled with the insane. Normal insane, you know, not eat-your-face-off undead insane.

_*Ahem* Yes, as I was saying..._

It was a fairly normal day in Lordran. The crow flew across the ocean, reveling in the feel of the wind over its feathers, the sun reflecting off of the waves, the asylum burning in the distance, but fortunately for Lordran there was a conveniently placed second Asylum near-by. Ignoring the first Undead Asylum the Giant Crow turned tail towards the Insane Asylum to pick up Lordran’s Chosen...Hero...Person.

Normally the Giant Crow could easily pick out the Chosen One, being the only sane thing in the Undead Asylum. However, once again fortune favors the Narrator as there was one conveniently somewhat sane looking pyromancer not wrapped in a straightjacket. _Yes, that one there. No, no, the redhead to the right. No, not the redhead who’s on fire. Yes, the one that set him on fire. There you go, bloody birds._

_Anyway…_

Now with our Intrepid Hero on course for Lordran, our Adventure can finally fucking start... _I mean_ , our Adventure can truly begin.

<->

It honestly was the average day for our redhead. People were set on fire, gibberish was spoken, and meals were eaten. Well, calling it a meal was a bit of a stretch, but she is insane anyway, so I doubt she’s noticed. Yes, truly it was an average day, was being the keyword here because as you readers well know, it was about to shall we say pick up the pace?

The lass looked up in confusion, _‘What kind of awful pun was that? What does that have anything to do with Joe being on fire?’_ she thought confusedly. Her question was quickly answered by a fairly oversized winged-menace that snatched her up and carried her off. _‘Oh, I get it! ‘Cause it’s a bird! That picked me up!’_

_Yes, it is in fact a bird. How astute of you to realize that._

_‘Oh Hi G-Man! Hows the Disembodied Voice shtick going?’_

_Wonderfully, you know, omnipresence and omniscience. Handy stuff. Right, anyway were you paying attention earlier?_

_‘Uhhh...Maybe? Something about fire? Lots of fire?’_

_Sigh, blah blah blah whole place is on fire blah blah I ran out of heroes._

_‘Uhhhh...huh, oh. Huh. That sounds...bad? Is it supposed to be burning?’_

_No. In fact, it was supposed to be completely intact with the Chosen Undead completely safe and sound until he/she/it/other needed to be called upon to **save the goddamn world.**_

_‘Save the world? Sounds pretty hot. I suppose since I’m in the claws of the crow and you know….not this Hero thing...that the Hero thing didn’t work out?’_

_The entire place is **burning down.**_

_‘Is it made of stone?’_

_Yes. Why?_

_‘Did you try telling the fire that?’_

Suddenly without warning the Crow dropped our Heroine- _‘HEY!’_ -onto the safety of the Firelink Shrine Ruins. “Well, what do we have here?” She sat up, looking at a man in chainmail, resting on a broken bench, smirking at her.

“I’m me!” she chirped happily, the man’s smirk disappearing, wary confusion in his eyes.

“Er, yes...I, uh, I suppose you...are you,” he said, nodding slowly. “Right...where was I? Ah, yes. So. Fate of the Undead, right? But there is no salv-”

“Fate of the Undead? Yeah, I guess they do burn pretty well.”

He spluttered, staring at her in surprise. “I’m sorry, come again?”

“Well, I mean...the whole place was burning! Even the stone!,” she waved her hands wildly around as if it emphasized her point, “So, yeah. They burn pretty good.”

The man craned his neck, looking up at the crow. “The whole place? Really?”

“Yeah! Tell ‘im Huginn! It was all like FWOOSH! And Burny!” she wiggled her finger in the air.

The crow cawed, its wings moving as if to shrug. “Okay...well. Right. It burned down. Even the...stone…” The man shook his head, his right hand slapping his forehead. “Brilliant. Just, bloody brilliant. And did you just call the crow Huginn?”

She shrugged, “Well, I can’t exactly call him Russell right?”

_Really? Russell Crowe? Of all the things you pick to remember of my ramblings?_

The man groaned, massaging his temples. “Look, can I just give you the Bell Spiel and be done with it?”

“Spiel, heh,” she chuckled.

The man glared at her before clearing his throat. “RIght. So. Two Bells of Awakening. One up top,” he pointed up top before pointing down, “and one below, in the ruins of Blighttown. Ring them both and something happens. Brilliant, right?” He looked at the young woman, a little surprised that she had stayed quiet. “I realize this isn’t much to go on, but I get the feeling that isn’t going to stop you in the slightest. So, off you go. Go on.” He made shooing motion with his hands.

She cocked her head to the side.”So… This first bell thing. Where’s that one? And What's a Blighttown?”

“Well, quite the inquisitive adventurer, aren’t you? Well, the first bell is in the Undead Church, way up there.” He pointed upwards, his finger aimed at a large stone building above them. “Unfortunately, the lift is broken. Alas, you will have to make your way through Undead Burg. Go up those stairs over there,” a vague wave in the direction of a well and a tree, “and make your way through the water way. As for Blighttown, it’s a nasty little town that is full of poisonous muck and vile creatures that smell.” He shivered at the thought, “I would rather die before I ever set foot in that accursed location once more.” The man grimaced, memories resurfacing of his own trek down below.

She blinked, once, before nodding her head and turning towards the well. ”Well, gotta keep my Burny hand strong,” she closed her eyes and nodded, “mhrm, no time like now.”

The man once again looked up at the crow. “Did she just say ‘Burny hand’?” he whispered. Unfortunately there was no reply, because once again, it is a crow... and asleep.

She set off in the direction of the vague hand wave, ready to ‘Keep her Burny hand strong’. As she passed by the well, the odd woman noticed three small black sprites floating there above the corpse. Blinking, she reached out and grabbed one, “Aw, this thing is adorable!” she squeed and promptly crushed it. “Ehehe, whoops?” She staggered for a moment as the energy from the Humanity she had inadvertently crushed flowed through her. “Woah, that is a rush! I’m taking your friends with me!” Quickly cupping her hand, she shuffled them into one of the many pouches on her waist.

Reaching the top of the stairs, she stopped for a moment, seeing three Hollows, two of which were in basic soldier garb, while the third was in knight’s armor, seemingly guarding a corpse. She raised her right hand, summoning a fireball and chucking it at the nearest Undead, grinning as the Hollow fell limp on the ground, the fire putting itself out. The second one came nearer, the woman snapped her hand forward at the creature, a small wash of flame intercepting the Undead. It caught fire quickly, flailing about, confused at the sudden appearance of the flames. Unable to put itself out, it fell beside its partner, releasing a slow, final breath. She was about to walk up the next set of steps when she noticed a soft, blue glowing orb above each of the bodies.

_Do not touch those, they are not meant for you._

Shrugging, she continued up the stairs, dodging a firebomb. She looked up to see another Hollow, this one rearing its arm back, ready to throw another firebomb at her. Once more dodging the ‘Standard’ incendiary, she gave a “Harrumph” before declaring to the Hollow, “You want a fireball fight? I’ll give you a fireball fight!” She conjured another fireball, drilling it into the Undead’s face, knocking it off the cliff. She nodded to herself in satisfaction, making the motion of flipping her hair over her shoulder.

With her good mood now ruined, she continued on, casually tossing another fireball at a Hollow with an axe and then kicking one more Hollow off of the ledge of the water way, watching as it fell into the chasm. She looked into the damp tunnel, noting the water running to the left, a rat standing at the edge of the tunnel, just in front of a set bars, a corpse leaning against them. She saw another blue orb above the corpse, but ignored it, instead going to the right. Down the tunnel was a doorway on the left, while further down was what appeared to be a gate. She shrugged, walking through the doorway on the left and coming back into the sunlight. Continuing on her way, no longer taking the Hollows remotely seriously, she walked through a wall of fog, the sounds of clothing and metal burning the only noise in the immediate area.

She walked upstairs, stopping at the door, and looked out at the bridge that lead to a larger platform. She took a step forward and then stopped as a large, red winged beast slammed down on the bridge in front of her. She quickly back stepped and blinked, checking to see if it was still there,”Yep, thats real,” she sighed, “and red means no Burny. Hrmph.” The creature glanced at her. She glared back at the red lizard.”You aren’t any fun at all.” The lizard looked away, flapping its wings and flying toward the Undead Church. She continued on, flinging herself out of the way of a crossbow bolt as she threw more fireballs, quickly lobbing another one up into the air to hit the archer.

She walked up the stairs, stopping and looking at a sword stuck into a pile of what looked like bones and ash. She stepped into the room, gray phantoms appearing and walking in and out of the room, some resting at the apparent bonfire. Once more startled by the utter oddity of the situation she shuffles closer to one of the Phantoms brought on by the warping of Time and Space. Slowly reaching her hand out, she attempted to grab one of the Phantoms sitting at the Bonfire, one of which looked to be a mountain of a man dressed in what seemed to be a boulder. To her surprise, what first felt like wispy chill slowly became firmer and firmer. She yanked her hand back, stepping back in surprise as the man stood up, his armor making a grating and grinding noises. He stretched his arms, and then leaned down to pick up what looked to be a large dragontooth and shield made out of stone, chains crossing over it, that the woman hadn’t noticed before. He turned around, stopping when he saw her. There was a moment of silence as the two stared at one another.

The hooded woman coughed into her hand, looking decidedly awkward and embarrassed that she had just accidentally summoned _Havel the Rock_ into her reality. Her eyes darted around, unnoticeable to _Havel_ as she gave a small quirk of her lips. ”Ah, so your name is Havel then?”

Havel looked at her. “So you’ve heard of me, then. Though, if I may ask, what are you doing in the guards’ tower?” His grip tightened on the dragontooth a bit, awaiting her answer.

“Ah? Guards?” Her eyes darted back to the slowly charring corpses outside, “They have been, ah...relieved of duty due to certain...disabilities.” She nervously replied.

Havel turned around slowly after catching the smell of burning cloth and flesh. “...Those...aren’t the guard I was referring. How in Izalith did those Hollows get into the town?”

Now visibly relieved of the threat of ‘Assisted Suicide via Havel’ she happily replied, “Well, I dunno ‘bout these ‘Hollow’ things, but all the zombie guys were all ‘Rah Rah Rah’ and so I was all like ‘FWOOSH!’ and they stopped being all angry and stuff and started dancing...or trying to put out the fires, I can’t decide!”

Havel stared at her, letting his dragontooth slowly drop to the ground, resigned already to dealing with an apparently insane pyromancer. “Um...what exactly is this...’fwoosh’?”

She gave him a full grin, teeth and all, as she held her two hands together like she was cupping something. After a moment fire sparked in her hands and splashed light on her face, reflecting the glint of madness that lurked in her eyes. “Fwoosh,” she reverently whispered.

Havel suddenly leaned in to look at the flame. As she let the flame die, he grabbed her by the chin, the hood falling off, letting her red hair loose, twisting her face back and forth, inspecting her features. “Hmm...while you certainly aren’t ugly, you aren’t near beautiful enough to be a Daughter of Izalith.” He looked at her left cheek, a blood red tattoo of a phoenix under her eye, its wings spread. “Certainly not with that tattoo. Might I inquire as to how you are able to use a gift unique to the Witches?”

Fidgeting nervously in his grip, she replied, “Well, there was this nice old lady that I met one day. She taught me so many things but no one ever believed me when I tried to talk about her! They all said she was dead and that it was just my imagination! That I couldn’t do pyromancy! Well, I showed them! I was all ‘FWOOSH’! I showed them all!” her anger rising as she ranted and pumped her fist, no longer caring she was still in a death grip from the mountain of a man.

Havel released her chin, stepping back, putting his shield on his back. He crossed his arms, his helmet aimed down as he looked at the ground. “Well...that sounds like quite the story. Normally, I would find it hard to believe that anyone outside of the Witch’s family, yet here you stand, summoning flames from nothingness.” He picked his dragontooth up off the floor, slinging it under the shield. “Well, it was nice meeting you, uh…”

She shrugged her shoulders, “Mmm, I dunno. Everyone just called me ‘That Girl’ or ‘Crazy Witch’...or was it Bitch?.. I can’t remember.”

Havel stared at her, feeling a bit of pity. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, young lady. But I hope that you are at least proud of your ability. It is not a common gift.”

Her eyes lit up in happiness and nodder her head, “Mhrm! No one can make as good of a ‘FWOOSH’ as I do!”

Havel smiled under his helm. “Well, that’s good, then. Perhaps you’d like to travel with me to Anor Londo? I have someone I’d like to introduce you to. Someone who would appreciate your gift for what it is.”

Tilting her head curiously, “Eh? Whats a Anna Londuh?”

Havel chuckled. “Not from around here, then. Anor Londo is what many refer to as the city of gods. Between you and me,” he said, gesturing for her to lean in as he started to whisper, “they aren’t gods, per se, but they are very powerful beings.” He straightened back up. “Anyways, it’s what you could call the capital of Lordran. It’s a beautiful city, with gorgeous sunrises. Though there aren’t many humans, so you may feel a little out of place among the soldiers, golems, and aides, but so long as you’re with me, you’ll be fine.”

“Oh! But the Sad Guy said I had to go ring some Bells of..Uh..Awakanesings or something and then something special would happen! He said that one of the bells was at the Ruins of Bitetown and the other was at the Big Church up here!” she said cheerfully, her mood now brighter.

Havel nodded. “Well, the parish isn’t exactly on our way to Anor Londo. As for this...'Bitetown’, I’m afraid I’m not very familiar with it. In fact, I’ve never heard of it. I’ll escort you to the Parish at the very least. I have business to attend to there myself.” He turned around, stepping outside and then stopping. “Things...didn’t look like this five minutes ago...what the hell happened?” A bolt hit his armor, bouncing off and snapping. He looked at the Undead crossbowman, glaring at it. “Really?” The Hollow in question loaded another bolt, firing again. Havel sighed. “Always the hard way with these things.” Pulling his dragontooth off of his back and walking over to the Hollow, he raised it over his head with his right hand. Bringing the dragontooth down and smashing the creature into the ground, leaving the bones of the Hollow shattered. Havel looked at the cracks in the platform and shrugged. “Eh. I’m sure they can fix that up in no time.” He looked back up, rubbing at his helmet. “Though it could take them a while.”

Without a sound, she walked up next to him. “Wow, you’re pretty strong! Is that armor really heavy?” she asked excitedly.

Havel nodded in reply. “Yeah. Though it’s not so bad once you get used to wearing a boulder around.” He shrugged, putting his dragontooth back under the shield. “Well, let’s get going, shall we?”

She nodded, “Ah, yeah.” She turned to continue on her imposed journey and begin to walk towards the bridge when another firebomb splashed at her feet. Hopping back, she flipped her hood back up and glared at the offending Hollows, her rage once bubbling up at the cheap mockery of her art.. “YOU WANT A FIREBALL? HAVE ONE!” Unknowingly in her hand, the small fireball she had prepared had doubled in size, turning into a Fire Orb. Throwing it as hard as she could, she was rewarded with a large explosion, instantly incinerating the Undead on the platform and causing it to collapse and crash down, blocking the bridge as a rapidly burning wreck.

“Welp...not going that way for now,” Havel said, edging slightly away from the enraged redhead. He hooked his thumb over his shoulder. “I’m fairly certain there was another path over that way. How about we go check it out?”

Anger fading and now fairly embarrassed, with a pink dusting her cheeks, she carefully nodded, not wanting the hood to move and reveal her face at that moment. As they made their way to the path mentioned, Havel dispatched the Hollows in the way with but a swing, even yawning as he bashed through the shield of a pike wielding Hollow in armor. They took a moment to look around the stone landing, spotting another staircase, this one surrounded by boxes. Havel moved them out of the way, leading the way down the stairs and out onto a small balcony.

“Well, now...you seem to have your wits about you, eh?” came a raspy male voice. They looked to their right and saw an Undead giggling to himself.

“And you’re Hollowed,” Havel observed. The Undead shook his head.

“No, no. I am simply...out of Humanity, at the moment,” he said.

“Just to be sure, do you have a craving for killing and souls?”

The Undead giggled again. “I always have a craving for souls, boy. But killing just isn’t in me. Too much work. Why kill when I can sell?”

“Sell, eh?” Havel looked at the redhead, who was standing there humming to herself and rocking back and forth on her feet, then at the weapons and items in front of the merchant. “While I admit that your flame is quite handy, young lady, I would feel better knowing that you were at least armed. Take your pick. I’ll buy.”

Her eyes gained a dangerous glint as she glanced through the assortment of weaponry. “I’ll take the pointy stick!” she exclaimed far too eagerly.

“Right, then. One spear,” Havel said, picking up the spear and handing to the lass. “I assume souls will suffice for payment?”

“But of course! Your current total is six hundred souls, valued customer!”, the merchant smirked.

“Right, here you go,” Havel said, handing a small, blue orb to the merchant.

“Ah!” Her eyes lit up once more. “So that's what those things are!”

“Er, yes. These are souls. The Undead are able to use them to strengthen themselves. There are some communities in which Undead would trade souls rather than coins. I myself will admit to being somewhat envious of such a method of training. In fact, I am branded with the darksign, though I have yet to become Undead. In time, I eventually will change. Though I have yet to find a being who will be able to kill me, shy of Lord Gwyn himself. Perhaps one of the other lords, but I have no reason to fight them. Save for one.”

The merchant crushed the orb in his palms, smaller white orbs rushing into him. He sighed in contentment. “Thank you for your business,” he said, leaning back a little, his hand beginning to stroke the wooden basin at his side.

“Let’s go check on that bridge now. It may have finished burning itself out.” With that, they made their way back to the bridge to see piles of ash now in place of the once burning platform. They navigated their way towards the large tower, quickly dispatching any Hollows foolish enough to attack Havel. After dealing with the Hollow who had been rude enough to kick a flaming barrel of powder at them, they looked between the stairs and the closed door in the room they had stepped into. “Okay, you head on upstairs. I’ll check to see what’s behind that door and catch up with you.”

She nodded, tapping the butt of her spear on the ground, ”Alrighty then, I’ll make sure to go stabby stabby to any Hollows I see!” As she made her way up the stairs, she heard the splintering of wood, inferring that it must be Havel breaking the door down. She was about to continue on her way when one of the barrels shook. Thinking quickly she cast a blast of flame at the pile, unleashing the Twinkling Titanite..bug, lizard, thing. Walking over to the burning bug, she put her spear down, grabbed the gem on its back with two hand and braced herself with one foot holding down the bug. She then threw all her strength into one quick yank(which wasn’t much-”hey!”-)and ripped the Twinkling Titanite out of the bug. “Ohhh, Shiny.” Patting herself down in a quest to locate a pouch large enough to fit the hunk of gem she had just liberated, only to pout when she realized that she didn’t find one.

KRAK-THOOM

Havel came stomping up the steps a bit after the tower shook, his fist clenched around something. The man didn’t seem angry, just...confused. The redhead looked up at him, still pouting “Haaavveeellll I can’t keeeeep thiiissss~” as she sat here holding out the Gem for him to see.

Havel looked up in surprise, noticing her for the first time. “Oh. Um...I’ll hold onto it, if you’d like.” He took the gem from her with his free hand, moving it behind his back. When he brought it back out, he was no longer holding the gem.

She shot up in surprise, “Eh?! Where’d it go?” dashing around Havel’s back to try and find it.

“My darksign.” She looked at him in confusion. “You...don’t actually know what the darksign is or does, do you?” The woman shook her head. “Well...the darksign is the mark of an Undead. After receiving one, a person will become an Undead upon their death. I haven’t actually died, so I’m still human. But I do get some of the benefits of it. For one, I can carry souls like any other Undead. I can also use it as something of a bottomless bag. That’s where the titanite just went.” Havel’s voice slowly trailed off as he finished his explanation, him looking at his right fist, still clenched.

She just looked at him for a few moments before looking up and in a deadpan tone said, ”You know that is totally hax right?”

_I know, but do you know how hard it is to get these Chosen Undead to actually succeed? Like, half of them spend most of their time jumping off cliffs looking for treasure!_

He cleared his throat, opening his hand to show her a gold band with a black and silver inset on it. “Do you know what this is?”

She sniffed, “Ah…a pretty ring?” she asked, shrugging her shoulder.

“Not just a ring. It’s my ring. Given to me by my own men, who had their own unique versions each. One of a kind. And yet…” He held up his left hand, pulling the gauntlet off to reveal the same ring on his finger. “I just killed myself. A hollowed version of me. Where am I? Because I’m certainly not home anymore.”

_Ah, that’s my bad really._

She looked up “What do you mean by that?”

_Ah well, you see… you don’t have a darksign, in fact, nor will you ever have a darksign...out of my hands, really. I needed someone with a darksign, someone very powerful, and someone who wasn’t going to eat your face. I’m not even kidding about that one. Freaky shit this Multiverse is. Freaky. Shit. So, sorry about that._

She nodded. “Hrmm, yeah okay. I guess that makes sense.” Diverting her attention back to Havel, “So, G-man says he’s sorry but that I kinda needed your help.”

“G-man?”

Nodding once more, “Yeah! G-Man! Guidance Man? He never really gave me his name, just a bunch of titles so I just call him G-Man.”

“Guidance? You don’t...no, no, you can’t be serious.” Havel put his gauntlet back on, the spare ring going into his darksign. He pulled out what looked to be a small canvas doll from his belt, kneeling as if in prayer.

_Soooo...This is somewhat awkward. Do you want some advice?_

“...If you weren’t just a disembodied voice, I would be smashing you right about now…”

_Remember: You can’t two-hand any weapon for bonus attack power._

“Don’t fucking ignore me! The hell is your problem, yanking me into another world like that?!”

_Rolling helps put out fires faster._

“Alright, now you’re just being a dick!”

_She likes things that burn, shiny things, and duck._

“The hell do you mean duck?”

_Rocks fall, roll for reflex save._

“...” Havel stood up, putting away the talisman. “Well...you are something else. Were you aware that you’re using the Guidance Miracle?”

She blinked and tilted her head. “What’s a Miracle?”

Havel shook his head. “It’s...something like your flame gift. I am able to call upon a power similar to Lord Gwyn’s abilities through the use of this canvas talisman. From healing to throwing lightning, to asking for guidance from that disembodied voice you call G-man. There is actually a covenant, a gathering of people who can do similar things, but they believe these Miracles to be gifts from the gods themselves. Take it as you will.”

_Honestly, they are wrong about many things. Take Seek Guidance for example, it is not that it allows you to hear me, it’s just that it was meant to gain my attention. So, while yes, a small part of the Miracle actually does allow you to hear me, a large part of it is simply to act as a signal flare for me._

“And now that I’m aware of his attention being on me, I can hear him quite clearly,” Havel added in, shaking his head. “Good thing I’ve gotten used to tuning out assholes.”

She blinked, paused, then nodded as if she was actually putting thought into it. ”So, lets go then yah?”

Havel sighed, his hand reaching up to rub his helm. “Sure. Let’s go.” He stepped through the fog first, pulling out his shield and dragontooth. “Go up that ladder there. I’m worried about this area.” He eyed the bloodstains on the bridge, looking at bolts snapped in half laying in the rubble.

She eyed him curiously, and promptly ignored his advice rushing forth as if to prove him wrong.

Havel rolled his eyes, sighing. “Or just get shot by the crossbowmen up top. Your choice.” Just as he finished his sentence, he heard the twang of a crossbow string, the bolt just narrowly missing the redhead’s heel as she ran towards the other gate of fog. When she was three quarters of the way over the bridge, a Taurus Demon jumped up on top of the end she was running towards, roaring at the intruders. He jumped down, looking at the girl, then began to charge at her. Havel sighed once more, bringing his shield up and holding it in both hands, as if in prayer, watching the two race towards each other.

Her eyes darted around frantically as she charged towards the rampaging demon, desperately looking for an escape, when she hyper-focused on the narrow gap between its legs. Just as they were about to collide she dived straight through the gap, successful. Getting up off the ground and brushing herself off, stunned momentarily that her harebrained scheme actually worked. Havel put down his shield, spikes of stone sprouting from his armor. He held his shield at the ready, lowering his stance, planting himself in place. The Taurus Demon’s head met Havel’s shield with a resounding WHUMP.

The monster reared back, holding its head in pain. “Yeah, that went about as expected,” Havel said. He raised the dragontooth again, dropping his shield in order to grab his weapon with both hands, smashing it into one of the demon’s horns, breaking it as if it were glass. The creature roared in pain, dropping to its knees. “Now, I’m feeling somewhat nice today, which is a miracle, considering what I just recently learned. You can let us through or I can force our way through. Your choice.”

Its choice however was swiftly made for it when a medium sized globe of fire exploded and washed across its back. Followed by a leaping backstab via the Witch’s spear. “Or that…” He looked at his new companion as she pulled her spear from atop the creature’s back. “Out of curiousity, was that actually necessary?”

Her gaze sharpened momentarily as she answered, “Abominations, the lot of them. Their death is mandate.” She blinked and suddenly her voice lost its venom and her gaze softened.

Havel looked at her, once more putting away his dragontooth, inspecting his shield for any cracks. “Alright. Fair enough. I’ve no right to judge such actions.” He put his shield on his back, satisfied that it remained unbroken, and gestured through the door. “So, down the stairs, yes?” They walked into the new parapet and walked down the stairs. They were now looking at a much larger bridge. Havel turned around, giving a fond sigh. “Look at that view. I never get tired of it.” He walked down the two sets of stairs, the girl behind him. They stopped when they saw a man in knight’s armor looking at the sun over the mountains. His torso had a white cloth over it, a crude sun on it, a yellow ball with small orange spikes radiating off of it.

“Ah, hello!” the man said as he noticed them walk up, his voice cheery. “You don’t seem Hollow. Far from it!” He turned to look at them fully. “I am Solaire of Astora, an adherent of the Lord of Sunlight. Now that I am undead, I have come to this great land, the birthplace of Lord Gwyn, to seek my very own sun!...Do you find that strange?”

“Not in the slightest,” Havel answered readily.

“Do you speak truly, friend?” Solaire asked.

“Indeed. You have something to aspire to, Solaire,” Havel replied.

“I think it would be really hot to have my own sun! But that would be pretty awesome, too! I could be all like SUN! and then everyone would be all like Burny and FWOOSH!” She shouted excitedly.

“Good, good!” Solaire exclaimed, laughing. “I have a proposition, sir and madam! ‘Twould take but a moment of your time.”

“I’m all ears,” answered Havel, as the lass stood there staring off into the sunset, lost in her fantasy.

“Now, the way I see it, our fates appear to be intertwined. So, why not help each other on our journeys?”

“Well, I don’t see why not. Any help would be appreciated.”

“Splendid! Then please, take this with you.” Solaire pulled out a soapstone, white in color, a golden tassel wrapped around it. “The flow of time in this land is convoluted. Beings from different worlds phase in and out constantly. This item allows us to bridge the gaps between worlds and we will be able to engage in Jolly Co-operation!” His voice rose a bit in volume as he said the last two words.

The daydreaming woman snapped out of her daze and turned to Solaire with a half-lidded gaze, “Mmm, even if we each search for our own sun, we can all use some help along the way.”

“Just as you have so graciously offered to assist us, please feel free to summon us when you need help, Solaire,” Havel said, bowing his head to Solaire.

“I look forward to our many meetings, my friends!” Solaire said, looking at the sun once again. He then bent forward and slowly rose up, his arms rising up to splay out on each side. “Praise the Sun!”

Her eyes regaining their full light, she gazed towards the sun and mimicked Solaire “Praise the Sun! And all its Burny-ness!”

Havel stood there, glancing between the two before shaking his head. “What have I gotten myself into?” he asked himself. With that done, Havel and the girl returned to the bridge. “Mmm….stay here for a second.” He grabbed her hood just as she started to rush forward. “I mean it this time. I have the darksign, so I at least will come back as an Undead. You’re still human, without one.”

“But it’s just a bridge!”

“A bridge with scorch marks all over it, burnt corpses, and fresh smoke rising from it. Whatever did this is probably still close by. Might even be a dragon. So stay. Back.” He moved past her, carefully walking forward. As he made it to the first major scorch mark, he heard a roar and then the sound of flames. The creature from earlier flew overhead, flame spewing from its mouth. Havel stood in the flames, crossing his arms in thought as the flames washed over him. “Now, is that a wyvern or a drake? I get them confused. They’re both so tiny compared to dragons.” He turned back to the woman. “I’ll handle this thing. You...go talk to Solaire, I guess. Should be but a minute.”

She paused at the incredulity of what she had just witnessed. Then turned and walked back to Solaire. As she walked up next to him, with him once more watching the sun set, and the shouts and laughter from Havel echoing over the roars of the Drake, she asked “So, searching for your own sun?” giving a small smile.

Solaire turned his head to look at her through one of the eye holes. “Hmm? ‘And all its Burny-ness?’” he asked, the girl swearing she could hear him smile.

She gave a small chuckle. “To each their own, I suppose...It’s a fine goal. Don’t let anyone tell you wrong.”

Solaire lost his mirth as he turned towards her, all serious, “I will not. Many have ridiculed me for my quest, but it is they who are lost, not I.”

She too turned to him, clapping him on the shoulder, also serious. “It is not just others who will call it foolish, don’t even listen to yourself. If you ever lose faith in yourself, believe in the me that believes in you.” The sounds dying down in the background signaling Havel’s clear victory. Giving him one last smile and a nod she regained her cheerful air and raced up the stairs to see the aftermath.

“What an odd one, indeed,” Solaire chuckled to himself, having found kinship in another.

“Well, that was fun,” Havel said, swinging a new sword around. “Want this? Pulled it off the drake’s tail.” He held the strange tan short sword out to her.

Tossing the spear aside she grabbed the short sword and gave a few experimental swings. The last swing unbalanced her causing the arcing blade to smash into the ground, sending out a shockwave. Her eyes lit up in amusement “Yeah, I like this...I like this a lot.”

Havel simply looked at her before shrugging, making sure to pick up the dropped spear and putting it into his darksign. They walked through the gate the drake had been guarding, Havel looking to the right, stopping. “Well...that’s unfortunate,” he said. The girl looked in the direction he was facing, seeing nothing but a pile of rubble that may have once been a statue. “That used to be a statue. Now it’s just kind of…a lump of stones.” He stared at it a bit longer, then turned around to pull a lever. The gate blocking their path to the church itself slowly rose up, creaking with age. They continued up the steps, stopping at the top. Before them was a small gauntlet of Hollows. Two crossbowmen on a small bridge, two swordsmen and one pikeman that they could see. But the biggest eyesore in the courtyard was the armored boar.

“What the fuck?”

“Armored boar. What, you’ve never seen a pig with tusks dressed in armor before?” Havel asked. She shook her head. “Huh. I thought that was a normal thing.” He stepped forward, casually backhanding the first swordsman, knocking it through the legs of a raised wooden platform. He saw the second swordsman running towards the gate, supposedly looking for the lever. Havel put his left hand near his darksign and pulled out a large bow that was as long as he was tall. He set the spiked end in the ground, pulling an arrow the size of a small lance from his darksign as well. He nocked the arrow, taking aim. He let it loose, the projectile slamming into the Hollow’s back, knocking it forward to pin it to the stairs. The Hollow wasn’t quite dead yet, struggling to pull itself up. Havel put the greatbow away and kicked at the pike wielder, knocking it onto its back. The girl took this moment to throw a fireball at it as Havel continued forward. The boar charged him, Havel holding up both hands and then grabbing the creature’s tusks, skidding back a bit before finding purchase between his boots and the ground. He then gave a grunt as he lifted the confused pig and then slammed it back onto the ground. He then gave a twist of his arms, flipping the boar onto its back. “Stay there,” he said as he let go of its tusks, its legs flailing in the air.

He looked up at the crossbowmen, who hadn’t acted yet, simply watching the events below them. From behind Havel came two fireballs, one for each of them, both falling off the bridge as they tried to put themselves out. He looked back at his companion, nodding at her. “Good shots,” he complimented.

She shrugged. “They weren’t moving, I helped.”

<->

They made their way up the stairs and into the church, Havel pulling out his dragontooth as he heard the clanking of armor. He smashed it into the head of a Balder Knight foolish enough to come within swinging range of Havel. The helmet caved in as it became stuck between the wall and the dragontooth. Havel heaved his dragontooth onto his shoulder, staring at the rest of the Balder Knights. They slowly backed away from Havel, their shields and swords down. “Smart Hollows. That’s a new one,” Havel observed, walking past them. He then heard the sound of a spell being cast and he rolled forward on instinct, a Soul Arrow just missing him as it splashed onto the ground. “Magic. Great.” He pulled out his greatbow once more, taking aim at the Channeler above him. “Right between the eyes, fucker.” He let loose the arrow, grinning as it pierced the Channeler’s face, between the middle pair of eyes.

He rolled to the right this time, once more on instinct, a large mace hitting where he had been standing just a second ago. He looked to see a large Hollow wearing black armor, a greatshield in its left hand, the mace in its right. Havel pulled his shield and dragontooth off of his back, blocking the mace as it was brought up and then down on him. The strike pushed him back a bit, but the knight reeled back. Havel took this chance to slam his own dragontooth into his opponent’s shield, denting it. He then quickly turned his body, dragging the dragontooth on the ground to swing it once more, this time hitting the knight in the chest and knocking it back. Seeing it on the ground, he quickly grabbed the handle of his dragontooth with both hands and put more force into this last hit, completely crushing the midsection of the armor, white orbs flying from cracks in the armor towards Havel’s darksign, the armor ceasing all movement.

He then realized the redhead was no longer by his side. Turning around, he saw the Balder Knights slowly advancing on her. He moved to help her, but she simply just waved her hand in the air in a shooing motion. Havel stopped, deciding to see what she would do.

<->

She eyed the four approaching knights, advancing in ranks of two. The two in the back swiftly advanced to box her in. Cracking her neck and flexing her wrist, she called forth her Inner Fire, and boldly ran at the Hollows. Before the first knight could react to the reckless charge, she brought up her hand and snapped in his face, unleashing the Great Combustion at point blank.

She had a moment of introspection, as she then realized that maybe running at the people with swords was maybe a _really bad idea_ , but she only thought of this for a moment because her peripheral vision caught the sword that was sailing towards her from the Balder Knight next to her. She scrambled backwards as she flicked her wrist to send a fireball sailing into its faceplate, igniting its head temporarily and stunning it, giving her enough time to use the Drake Sword as an improvised shield to block a swing from one of the other two knights that had finally made it over to her, sending her stumbling backwards.

She quickly called forth another Great Combustion blasting down and out. Before the fourth one could advance on her, she slammed the sword on the ground sending a shockwave rocketing towards it, knocking it off balance. Making a mad dash at the off balance Knight, she gripped the sword with both hands and thrust it through its chest.

Finally the Knight she had tossed a Fireball at had recovered...by throwing off its helmet to put out the fire, revealing to the world its now charred and blackened face. They eyed each other waiting for the other to make the first move, she now tired and it was now wary. She once more called forth her flame, only instead of throwing it she ran her hand across the sword, where it touched burned with a crackling flame. The Balder Knight tried rushing her before she could complete the ‘spell’, only to find itself too late as she easily bisected it with a two handed swing. The flames on her sword fading, she turned back to Havel looking like an expectant, panting, puppy, eager for approval.

Havel nodded, commenting, “Well, that wasn’t a completely horrible showing. You didn’t die, so can I assume that this wasn’t your first actual fight?”

“Ah..” she stopped and winced as memories began to bubble up.

_‘Darkness. Screamspainechodeath.’_

She snapped out of her thousand yard stare and shook her head, dispelling the memory before she could get lost in it, “No, just some disagreements before, that’s all.” Her eyes darted to a warm glow behind Havel. “Hey! Whats that thing!” she said as she dashed around Havel, puppy like one more, to seek out the source of the glow.

“That...that’s a firekeeper’s soul…” Havel walked up behind his companion. He looked at the corpse the soul was floating over, bowing his head in respect. “She’s been dead for a while.”

“Eh?” she tilted her head. ”Whatsa Firekeeper? That sounds cool, can I be one of those?”

“Well, you remember that bonfire you met me at?”

“Ah! Yeah! That Bonefire thing!” she nodded her head and smiled.

“Uh, right. That...bone...fire...anyways, there are bonfires all throughout Lordran. Each one is watched over in by a firekeeper. The firekeepers are usually women, pure of heart in some fashion. As for whether you can be one...tell me, how do you feel about being buried alive?”

She frowned “That doesn’t sound very fun.”

“Then I’m glad to say that you don’t want to be a firekeeper.” Havel gently cupped his hand under the soul, picking it up. “We’ll take this with us for now.”

“Ah..” she reached for the soul, “Can I hold onto it?” Havel extended the soul to her. She took it from him and held it like she did the flame when she first showed Havel her gift.

Havel looked at her and the soul for a moment before turning around, deciding to clear the path to the bell. He went up the stairs, the sound of his dragontooth hammering something echoing clearly at the altar.

She stared at the soul for a moment, the same feeling of energy radiated of of it as the odd black sprites she had found earlier. “A firekeeper soul, huh?” she mumbled, a glint in her eyes, “I wonder how well you burn…” Without further adieu she called up her Inner Flame and ignited the soul in her hands, causing it to give off a shiny white crackling light. Her eyes widened in sheer surprise from the vast amount of energy streaming into her at that moment. As the burning soul died out and dissipated, so did the influx of energy, leaving her gasping for breath.

_Didn’t expect for you to figure that out, though I really shouldn’t be surprised._

She coughed and blushed, “Ah...I just wanted to see how well it burned…”

_It matters not, I recommend you don’t do that again any time soon. Now go on, we have spent enough time on you, I’m sure Havel is waiting on you now._

She nodded once, and moved up the stairs, retracing Havel’s steps….and following the trail of bodies. She came to two ladders and climbed them both, seeing Havel waiting for her, Solaire, now glowing gold, standing beside him. “Greetings, friends!” Solaire greeted. “I’m glad to see you have already decided to ask for my help!”

“Glad you had the time to join us, Solaire,” Havel replied, motioning the woman closer to the two men.

“Ah?” she tilted her head. “Why do we need help ringing a bell? We killed all the mean people already.”

Havel pointed at a gate of fog behind him. “Because of that. Last time we went through one of these, we had a taurus demon on the other side. Like Solaire said, time is rather messed up in Lordran. These gates sometimes pop up, cutting areas off from each other. Only those adventurous enough dare to go through these gates. Many times, they simply disappear, reopening an area to everyone. Sometimes, though, powerful beings will take up residence in the cutoff area, claiming the territory as their own. In case there is something on the other side, I’d like to have another hand on deck for this. You don’t get to be a general from just charging in recklessly...sometimes…”

She blinked and nodded, “Ah. Okay. My Burny Hand is ready!” Her smile evident to the two men.

“Through the gate we go, then,” Havel said, touching the gate and then slowly pushing his way through. Solaire and the girl followed right after him, Havel ahead of them as he made his way towards the bell tower itself.

“Ah…” she stopped and peered closer at one of the statues, ”Havel...The statues are moving…”

“What?” Havel stopped and looked up to the top of the bell tower, just as a roar echoed from the top. “Oh...those are gargoyles...damn things are like cockroaches. You kill one, more show up.” He readied his shield and dragontooth. “So, Solaire, you and the lass can handle the one with the tail. I’ll take the other one.” Havel ducked his head down as his chosen target landed, spewing fire at him. Once it stopped, he took a swipe at it with his dragontooth, crippling one of its legs. The creature roared in pain, swinging its halberd at the man wearing a boulder, the halberd knocking him back. Havel took a leap at the gargoyle as it pulled its halberd back for another swing, yelling as his dragontooth fell onto the creature’s head, driving it into the church’s roof. Cracks spiderwebbed out from the point of impact, the gargoyle making a noise of pain. Havel brought his dragontooth up once more and slammed it again, ensuring that the creature was dead this time.

<->

She watched the Gargoyles dive down, one heading for Havel, the other for her and Solaire. She and Solaire shared a quick look and in a moment of Jolly Co-Operation, they both motioned for their respective Innate Powers, one a Great Lighting Spear, the other a Fire Orb, and still synchronized, unleashed them on the surprised Magical Beast, catching it flat footed as the power of lighting and fire slammed into it. Reeling back, it screeched and darted forward, aiming towards Solaire. However, just before it could swipe at him, the young woman slammed her sword down and and sent a shockwave into its side, sending it crashing to its side and sliding a bit down the roof. Giving a shout of thanks, Solaire rushed at the beast, driving his sword through one of the helmet slits before it could recover, finishing it off.

Havel walked over, nodding his approval. “Good job, you two.” He walked over to the gargoyle’s head, pulling the helmet off and inspecting it, ignoring the gash in its face. “These gargoyles are pretty well armored. Guess they were set here to guard the bell.”

“Mmm…” she had a look of concentration of her face as she stared at the helm, as if trying to remember a long forgotten lesson, when a sudden smile spread across her face. She walked up to Havel, gesturing for the helmet. Havel handed it to her, she turned it around and put it on, before turning back to the beast and picking up the gargoyle’s halberd. Finally, she ignited her hand and struck a Heroic pose and called out to her two observers, “Look! I’m a Valkyrie!”

Solaire chuckled at this, while Havel simply shook his head, amused by her antics. He then had an idea. “Valkyrie...that wouldn’t be a bad name, you know.”

“Ah!” she nodded with a smile adorning her face” Yeah! Hrmm… I shall be Valkyrie, Keeper of Fwoosh!” She then quietly chuckled, “Heh, Valkyrie is the name, and Scorched Earth is my game.”

_Oh sweet dear… I’m not letting that be the last line. You have lost your cheesy pun making privileges._

* * *

**END CHAPTER 1**

**A/N: Heyo! Sneaky Devil Here! I played the part of Valkyrie and the Narrator(the witty dialogue, mostly) in this little story here.**

**(and maxyboy played Havel)**

**So, I hope you all like it as there will be more to come. But...First I should clear some things up. Religions/Swearing/Names/etc basically it all boils down to this. There are few thousand years of humans existing, not mention there are many realities and what not always converging. it is no surprise if something like Norse showed up at one point, or that curses like frak, fuck, fekking, etc could be used. In our own history we have had a total of around 2,300 gods/goddesses/deities, fuck used to mean an american that supported the king during the colonial era...etc So its not very immersion breaking at all.**

**EDIT: Holy shit, how did you guys stand this before. We cringed so hard as we reworked this.**

**Now! Let the Omakes Begin! or as I like to say...What could have been!**

**Omake 1: Havel’s True HP**

She walked up the stairs, stopping and looking at a sword stuck into a pile of what looked like bones and ash. She stepped into the room, gray phantoms appearing and walking in and out of the room, some resting at the apparent bonfire. Once more startled by the utter oddity of the situation she shuffles closer to one of the Phantoms brought on by the warping of Time and Space. Slowly reaching her hand out, she attempted to grab one of the Phantoms sitting at the Bonefire, one of which looked to be a mountain of a man dressed in what seemed to be a boulder. To her surprise, what first felt like wispy chill slowly became firmer and firmer. She yanked her hand back, stepping back in surprise as the man stood up, his armor making a grating noise. He stretched his arms, and then leaned down to pick up what looked to be a large dragontooth and shield made out of stone, chains crossing over it, that the woman hadn’t noticed before. He turned around, stopping when he saw her. There was a moment of silence as the two stared at one another.

She tilted her head before saying, “Wow”, sheer awe laden her voice, “ your health bar is HUGE!”

“Um...what are you talking about?” the man asked in confusion.

She turned her head as if she was following some invisible line, “I don’t think it stops….”

The man turned his head in the direction she was looking. “What are you even staring at?”

**Omake 2: Japan**

Havel looked up in surprise, noticing her for the first time. “Oh. Um...I’ll hold onto it, if you’d like.” He took the gem from her with his free hand, moving it behind his back. When he brought it back out, he was no longer holding the gem.

She shot up in surprise, “Eeeeeeeehhhh?! Nanidesuka?!” dashing around Havel’s back to try and find it.

Havel looked at her strangely. “Where did you say you were from, again?”

She blinked, “I didn’t.”

**Omake 3: Why the crow was not a valid mount Pt1**

“Well, inquisitive little thing, aren’t you? Well, the first bell is in the Undead Church, way up there.” He pointed upwards, his finger aimed at a large stone building above them. “Unfortunately, the lift is broken. Alas, you will have to make your way through Undead Burgh. Go up those stairs over there,” a vague wave in the direction of a well and a tree, “and make your way through the water way. As for Blighttown, it’s a nasty little town that is full of poisonous muck and vile creatures that smell. I would rather die before I ever set foot in that accursed location once more.” The man grimaced, memories resurfacing of his own trek down below.

“Just up that cliff there? At that parish?” she pointed up at the cliff.

“Er, yes. Right up there,” he said, a little annoyed at her repeating what he said.

“Ah,” she turned up to look at the Crow, “Hey! Huggin! Want to do me a quick favor?”

And so she flew up to the bell and rung it, then hopped back on the crow and flew back down to Firelink Shrine. “Did...did you really just fly on the crow up to the bell?” the man asked incredulously.

“Mmm, dunno why no one ever thought of that before,” she shrugged her shoulders.

The man gave the crow a nasty look. “Probably because he pecks at anyone who gets close enough to him to try,” he grumbled under his breath, “Bloody birds.”

**Omake 4: Ornstein Sneezes.**

“And now that I’m aware of his attention being on me, I can hear him quite clearly,” Havel added in, shaking his head. “Good thing I’ve gotten used to tuning out assholes.”

**Anor Londo, Citadel**

Suddenly Ornstein violently sneezed, “Oh god, I sneezed in my helmet.” He began to panic claw at his helmet.

Smough just looked at him.

“Oh Gwyn! It is EVERYWHERE,” he continued, furiously pawing at the stubborn metal.

Smough continued merely looking at him.

“OH MY- IT’S DRIPPING DOWN OH GWYN WHY?! OHGODGETITOFFGETITOFF!” He gave up trying to remove his helmet and settled for flailing about and wriggling.

Smough just stared at him, and snored.


	2. The World Down Under

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot. Fluff. Humor. ACTION!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SneakyDevil: Welcome to ch2! In case you didn’t realize yet, this is not a crack fic. This is a “more realistic” approach to DS1. As in, fuck gameplay, go Lore! Which means the following: Fire actually burns, Havel is motherfucking Havel The Rock, magic can get pretty ridiculous now that is is no longer constrained by “what the artist feels like drawing and what the programmer feels like writing” because remember the most important rule of Magic: Its motherfucking magic numbnuts.
> 
> Edit: Welcome to the second chapter of the rewrite! I still apparently handle intros so, hope you enjoy!(AND FOR YOUR GOD’(S) SAKE, LEAVE A REVIEW!)
> 
> CHALLENGE TIME! CAN YOU SPOT THE REFERENCES?

Normal text is Narration

_Italicized Text is Narrator Speaking_

‘ _This is what thoughts look like’_

**~~~Line Break~~~**

“Thanks for your help, Solaire,” Havel said, shaking the golden phantom’s hand.

“Not a problem, friends,” Solaire replied. “Though I never caught your name, sir.”

“Oh! Oh! I know who he is! He’s Havel the Rock! He killed a Dragon and ripped out its tooth!” Valkyrie exclaimed excitedly.

“That would explain the odd weapon choice,” Solaire commented, nodding to himself. “But didn’t Havel himself hollow? How is it that you found a set of the armor worn by his soldiers?”

“Funny story about that, actually,” Havel said, walking towards the base of the bell tower, Solaire and Valkyrie following him. “I’m _the_ Havel the Rock. Before...whatever happened to Lordran happened. I was brought into this world, _against my will_ ,” he ground out, glancing skyward, “so I’ve decided to assist the gi... _Valkyrie_ , in her...impromptu quest.”

“If I might ask, what is it that you two seek to accomplish?” Solaire watched Havel start to climb a tall ladder upwards, Solaire putting hands and right foot onto the ladder once Havel was far enough up for him to climb on, Valkyrie following directly after Solaire.

“Ah..” she trailed off, thinking for a moment, “the Sad Guy told me I had to ring the two bells and that something special would happen if I did.” She then nodded to herself as she continued to climb up, “but I think he was lying to me...or not telling me everything.”

“Sad Guy?” Solaire inquired.

“I haven’t met him yet,” Havel answered, reaching the top floor and turning around to offer Solaire and Valkyrie a hand up. Solaire took the proffered hand, Havel effortlessly pulling him up. Before Havel could turn back to assist Valkyrie she had already scrambled up the ladder, brushing herself off. Havel walked out onto a small stone ledge, leaning a little to look over the edge. “Never was a big fan of heights,” he muttered, turning around and seeing a second ladder on the outside of the tower. He started climbing it, the party keeping the same order they had before. At the top, they stopped to stare at the large, oxidized bell. Beneath it was a lever. “So, who wants to try first?”

“Mmm! I will!” Valkyrie announced as she walked up to the lever, put down the halberd and gave it a hard two-handed yank. Unfortunately the lever went nowhere _even with all that strength she put behind it_ , _how surprising_. “Hrmph! It won’t budge!” she said as she picked her spear back up, moving away from it.

Havel shook his head, walking forwards and grabbing the lever with both hands. With a grunt of exertion, he yanked on it.

SNAP

Everyone looked at the now broken lever in Havel’s hands. “Um...oops?” Havel offered weakly, dropping the lever. “Think I put a little too much into that one.”

“Perhaps you could give the bell one good hit with your dragontooth, Havel,” Solaire offered, Havel unslinging his weapon at the suggestion.

“Not a bad idea.” Havel raised the tooth and gave the bell a ‘light’ tap, the bell ringing loud and  clear for all to hear. “Well, that’s one bell down. Valkyrie, before we head back to the other bell, I’d like to check the route to Anor Londo, if possible.”

“Eh? Uh...sure?” she shrugged, uncaring of her destination.

“Great,” Havel breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, Solaire, we’ll let you get back to your own journey. Don’t forget, call upon us if you need us.”

“Will do,” Solaire replied, pulling out a white crystal with a black tip on it. He gave them a wave before kneeling with the object, his phantom slowly fading from their world.

“Right then, onto the fortress,” Havel said, walking back to the ladders to begin sliding down them.

Once they reached the bottom, they both jumped as a voice said, “Greetings!” They turned to see a man wearing a mask and dressed in all black, his arms held straight out to his sides. “I am Oswald of Carim, the pardoner.”

“Um...Hello?” Havel looked at Valkyrie, who looked back at him, shrugging. “We, uh...we’re just leaving now...bye…”

“Do you not have a sin to confess? Or perhaps you have an accusation you wish to share? ‘Tis only human to sin, but I can pardon any and all you have done, friends,” Oswald said, his head tracking Havel and Valkyrie as they sidestepped to the door. Havel started to gently push Valkyrie towards the door a bit quicker.

“Ah,” she said as she side-stepped out of Havel’s way and tilted her head, “What’s a sin?”

Such an innocent question threw Oswald for a loop, if his widening eyes and generally surprised look were anything to go by. “Surely thou jest,” he started, “How hast thee gone through thy life unknowing of sin?”

She blinked “Would you believe me if I told you that I lived on a rock in the ocean for ten years?”

This time, it was Havel’s turn to be surprised, his head snapping around to look at Valkyrie. “Ten years on a rock?” he repeated, trying to think as to why anyone would be in such a place for so long.

“Surely thou did not always live in such a place?” Oswald questioned.

Valkyrie simply shrugged, “I lived other places but the people were...very mean,” she finished lamely.

“Well, to sin is to do something that would be considered bad. Stealing, adultery, killing. How big or small, I can pardon them all,” explained Oswald.

She tilted her head and placed her hand on her chin, “Ah? So burning people is fine then?That is a relief!”

Oswald blinked before replying, “Er...no...no, that’s still a sin. In fact, that would most likely fall under killing.”

“Eh!?” she started waving her arms around, “But what if they are all mean and like Rah Rah Rah!!” she finished with a grabbing and gnawing motion.

“Then they have sinned against thee. Shouldst thou retaliate and kill them, thou wilt have also sinned, though ‘twould not be judged as severely,” Oswald supplied.

“Hrmm...Ah! Havel! Havel! He said that the mean people were Hollows and we killed lots of them! It was all like smash and Fwoosh!” she exclaimed.

“Alright, that’s enough crazy for one day. We’re leaving now, Valkyrie,” Havel said, picking Valkyrie up by the back of her hood, holding her out in front of him as he walked out of the bell tower back onto the roof of the parish.

Oswald lowered his arms, “...bye?”

~Line break~

They walked down the stairs, Havel staring at the ruins of Firelink Shrine. On their way back, they had taken a slight detour in order to see how the path to Anor Londo had fared. Havel had been frustrated upon seeing that the gates of the fortress had been closed. After walking closer to inspect the gates, they had met a man named Siegmeyer, a man hailing from Catarina, wearing the bulbous armor of a Catarina knight. He apparently had traveled to Lordran seeking adventure, but he had been stopped by the gates at the fortress.

After a quick conversation, Valkyrie and Havel walked back into the parish, heading to the elevators and stepping on one. Once at the bottom, they descended a set of stairs, seeing a bulbous man with blonde hair, in the shape of a bowl cut, wearing armor made of leather and bits of metal plating. A knight’s shield was strapped to his left arm, a morning star in his right. “Hail, brother,” Havel said, recognizing the armor as similar to that worn by warriors in the Way of White,   _just in extra-large size_.

The man turned to look at the two, staring wide eyed as it registered that a man wearing what looked to be the armor of one of Havel’s warriors, holding a woman by the back of her hood, was standing just mere feet from him. “What the fuck?” the man said, forgetting his position momentarily. After a moment, he closed his jaw, straightening up. “A fellow practitioner, I assume?”

“Something like that,” Havel said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Ah. Havel? Can you put me down?” Valkyrie asked.

“Ah, right. Sorry.” He set her back on her feet, turning his attention once more to the blonde man. “Who might you be?”

“I am Petrus, of Thorolund,” the man answered, bowing his head slightly. “Always a pleasure to see a fellow member.” He then looked at Valkyrie, addressing her. “And who might you be, young lady?”

She brushed herself off dramatically and readied her spear, before suddenly striking, what seemed to her, an epic pose and shouted ”I am Valkyrie! Keeper of Fwoosh!”

“Of...fwoosh?” He looked at her, left eyebrow raised. “I am...unfamiliar with this...’fwoosh’, you speak of, but I can teach you miracles.” He looked between the two, an almost unnoticeable smirk passing over his lips quickly, his index and thumb rubbing against each other. “For a price.”

Havel looked at the man, crossing his arms. “Selling miracles? Last I checked, to receive aid was a blessing freely given,” he said, his tone colored with a bit of anger. “Has the Way of White fallen so far that they would allow a swindler to join their ranks?”

“I beg your pardon!” Petrus exclaimed, offended by this stranger’s insult.

“Shall I repeat myself?” Havel asked. “I would gladly do so, if that is what you wish.”

“I am not asking for coin, merely souls. It was my understanding that this land uses souls for transactions, as most here are Undead,” Petrus said, nervous. He didn’t believe for even a second that the man in front of him was Havel the Rock, merely a person who had taken his name, but he made it a point to avoid angering those who could cause him harm. A man who wore stone armor like it was fabric was most surely such a person.

“If you were Undead, then I may be willing to overlook such a blatant disregard for the tenets of the Way of White. However, you are not an Undead. You are human. What use have you for souls?” Havel asked. “How would you even go about using them? They’re useless without a darksign to channel them.” Petrus said nothing, merely looking at the ground. “I believe we are done here, then.” Havel walked away.

Valkyrie still stood there, in a state of shock, having not moved from the pose she had introduced herself in, the two men close enough to hear her repetitively mumbling, “He doesn’t know about Fwoosh..” Valkyrie followed after Havel soon after. As they came in sight of the Bonfire, Havel took note of the man in full chainmail sitting on a rock, his expression downcast.

Valkyrie walked into Havel, still dazed, and bounced off the literal Mountain of a man. Rapidly blinking, she looked around and re-oriented herself, at which point she noticed Sad Guy. “Ah! Sad Guy! Havel! This is Sad Guy! The one who told me all about the Bells of Awareness!”

Sad Guy looked up, jumping when he saw Havel. “Why the fuck is that thing out of the tower?!” he yelled, his shield and sword now in hand, his chainmail rattling as his body shook in fear.

“Excuse me?” Havel asked, scratching his helmet in confusion. He then remembered having to kill a Hollowed version of himself. “Oh! That. Right.” He looked at Sad Guy, who had his shield raised, his sword pointed at Havel. “You can take it easy. I already killed that...uh...creature.”

_Boy, that was an awkward thing. Sorry about that._

Sad Guy peeked over his shield, his eyes running up and down Havel. “Truly?” Havel simply nodded. “Well...you don’t appear to be a bloodthirsty, murderous creature.” He slowly put away his shield and weapon.

“I should hope not,” Havel said with a slight chuckle.

“Well, moving on from that,” Sad Guy said, looking at Valkyrie again. “I heard a bell ringing. Was that you two?”

“Yes, it was,” Havel replied. “We were hoping that you could provide us with a bit more information on how to get to...’Bitetown’.”

“You mean Blighttown,” the man supplied, nodding his head as he cradled his chin with his hand. “Well, to get there, you’ll have to travel through the Depths. You’ll need a key, however. A key which I dropped in my haste to escape from Lower Undead Burg. You may be able to find it, should you look hard enough.”

“And how does one get to Lower Undead Burg?” Havel asked after Sad Guy was quiet for a moment.

“Well, there’s a gate back in Undead Burg, near the first bonfire, that you could use to access it. It is, unfortunately, locked from the other side.”

“That shouldn’t be too much of a problem,” Havel said, feeling that he knew which gate the man in chainmail was referring to.

Sad Guy looked to be in thought for a few moments. “I wonder whatever happened to that silly sorcerer’s apprentice. Ran off to Undead Burg, looking for his master, but he hasn’t come back. Serves him right, I suppose. What chance has he got down there if not even Old Big Hat couldn’t make it through there?” he muttered, mostly to himself, though it didn’t go unheard by Havel.

He kept his thoughts to himself, however, as he followed Valkyrie back to the water way. They took a moment to rest at the bonfire in Undead Burg before continuing across the narrow bridge, looking at where once stood wooden scaffolding, small piles of ashes the only remains. In the room at the other end, there lay a rusted gate of metal. Havel gave it a push to check if it would budge, the metal giving a slight groan from having pressure exerted on one of its bars.He would have continued if not for the sound of shifting stone that _wasn’t_  originating from his armor. Realizing that the building wasn’t as structurally sound as he thought, he let up and took a step back.

“Well, forcing it open won’t do us any good if the building comes down on us,” he said in thought. He looked at the rusted over lock, wondering if there was a way to open it from this side without compromising the building’s structural integrity. He then remembered that there was a pyromancer right beside. “Valkyrie. Do you think you could make a flame hot enough to melt this lock off the gate?”

She set her spear up against the wall and gave him a smile, “My Burny hand is always ready,” she said as she rubbed her two hands together as if she was warming them up, _quite literally in her case I suppose._ As small flames danced in both her hands, Havel watched as they turned from a dull red to orange to a bright yellow, as she walked towards the gate, eyes narrowed in concentration. She quickly pressed her hands to the rusted lock before moving her hands away with the same amount of urgency. In those mere moments however the lock had turned to a molten orange that Havel capitalized on with a hefty shove, shattering the now molten lock.

“Better than a key,” he commented, shaking the molten drops off of his glove.

Valkyrie turned and grabbed her spear and replied “You only say that because you got to smash something.”

Havel looked away. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, walking down the stairs with a whistle. Once at the bottom of the stairs, they looked at the scene before them, malnourished dogs limping around, small piles of furniture on fire. As they made their way through the alleyway in front of them, the dogs avoiding them, sensing something amiss with these new visitors to the lower burg. As they passed four doors, the doors were thrown open and four thieves jumped out, clad in leather armor. One of them rushed up behind Havel, thrusting his dagger into the back of Havel’s armor. The dagger broke as it hit the armor, Havel twisting around to backhand the thief away.

In response, Valkyrie backpedaled quickly and decided to support Havel with some fire to herd them, Havel forgoing his shield and dragontooth to make use of his own agility. As one thief rushed at him with a dagger pointed at him, Havel stepped to the left, slapping at the knife and then grabbing the thief’s right wrist. Havel then swiveled his own hip, planting his right foot behind the thief’s backstep and then used his left arm to push against the thief’s neck, forcing his body to bend and fall. The elbow of the thief’s right arm impacted with the metal plated leather of Havel’s now bent right leg, the elbow snapping as it tried to resist the impact. Before the thief could scream, Havel grabbed his head and giving a quick twist, silencing the miscreant for good.

Havel stood up, looking at the three remaining thieves. With a nod from the apparent leader, two of them rushed at Havel, one flipping towards him. Havel’s right fist came back and then shot forward, impacting the flipping thief’s face in mid flight, sending him flying back. The other one stopped, looking back at his partner. He then tensed as he felt a hand clamp on his shoulder, another clamping onto the back of his shirt. He felt himself being lifted into the air, directly over Havel’s head. Havel released the thief, letting the new victim fly up into the air a bit. As he began to fall, Havel grabbed him by the arm and leg, slamming him down onto his knee, then throws him back up, repeating the process, this time slamming the thief onto his back. Havel dropped the thief, stepping forward to pick up the one he had punched in mid flip. He punched him once more, before dropping him to the floor and stomping on the back of his head.

The leader, despite watching Havel single handedly dispatch his subordinates with his bare hands, decided to run at Havel and jump, aiming to kick Havel’s head. Havel responded simply. He grabbed the leader’s ankle and proceeded to slam him onto the cobblestone path, swinging him over his head between hits. After a handful of hits, he dropped the thief.

“Heh, puny thief.”

Havel looked up, “You say something?”

“Ah, yes. I was commenting on how he tried to _jump kick someone in stone armor,_ right after he just watched you brutalize his friends.”

_Heh, get rekt._

“Rekt? What’s that?”

Valkyrie blinked in surprise before a look of understanding crossed her face, or what Havel assumed to be a look of understanding from what he could see of her face. She placed her left fist, holding the spear, on her hip and held her pointer finger on her right hand in the air, as if she was lecturing a classroom of small children, “G-Man says it sometimes, usually like ‘Heh, get rekt noob’ and it’s usually ‘cause someone did something really dumb and ‘got rekt’ because of it. I think it just they got beat up badly,” she looked at the destroyed corpses of the thieves, “or died,” she gave a pause before adding, “Stupidly.”

Havel rubbed the back of his neck, shaking his head. After a moment of silence, he merely replied, “I dislike thieves.” They continued towards the end of the alley, spotting a fog gate with a set of stairs off to the right. Havel stepped through the gate first. As Valkyrie prepared to follow, she heard growling and then the sound of iron colliding with stone. She quickly stepped through the gate to see Havel currently holding off two gigantic machetes with his shield, said machetes being held by a large demon, its leathery skin rippling with the muscles underneath it, the red eyes glowing in its skull, glaring down at Havel.

Valkyrie shuddered at the sight of the Capra Demon, the flames in her hands flaring and turning a sickly red as rage overtook her features. She quickly dashed forward, spear forgotten and scaled Havel’s back with a running leap. Both of her hands ignited with that sickly red flame just as she lunged at the Capra Demon and grabbed onto its head.  “GREAT CHAOS FIREBALL!” With those words the Capra Demon’s Head ignited into a sickly looking conflagration of lava and fire.

"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅!" A wordless shriek of pain and rage assaulted Havel’s ears, as the Capra Demon released its blades to flail around as its head melted, Valkyrie falling off from the action. As soon as Havel felt the pressure of the blades gone, he dropped his shield, stopping a moment to see the Capra Demon stumbling around, its skull now almost completely gone to reveal now burned skin, still smoking. He grabbed his dragon tooth with hands, slamming it into the demon’s gut, forcing it to its knees. He then swung back ninety degrees and then swung the tooth forward, his body pivoting with the movement, the dragon tooth meeting the demon’s head. Havel felt resistance for only a moment before the demon was sent back into the now burning tree, no longer making noise. In the corner, the demon’s two guard dogs merely whimpered.

Havel walked over to the demon, having noticed that something was shining on its waist. He bent down and picked up a key, idly wondering if it was the key that Sad Guy had mentioned. He then looked at Valkyrie, seeing her calmed down now. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Valkyrie shook her head, “I dislike Demons.”

“I’ve noticed.” With that, they walked back out through the doorway, the fog gate gone.

As they began their way back towards the stairs that lead to the upper burg, they heard muffled shouting. “Hello? Is anyone out there?” The voice was quiet for just a moment before it called out once again. “Please, if someone, anyone is out there, unlock the door!” They made their way to a door that seemed to be in good shape, thinking it was where the voice was coming from.

“Is someone in there?” Havel asked through the door, knocking on it.

“Hello?!” the voice said once again, sounding relieved. “Oh, thank the gods, someone’s here! Please, unlock the door!”

“Stand away from the door,” Havel said, raising his boot as he spoke. He kicked at the door, splintering the lock and snapping the hinges, the door falling into the room. He looked inside to see a man wearing the standard wear for a black sorcerer, a small leather shield on his left arm, his sorcerer’s catalyst on his belt. He looked relieved to see another person.

“Oh, thank you, thank you!” he said, coming from behind the barrels to shake Havel’s hand vigorously with both of his. “I thought I was done for in here!”

Valkyrie tilted her head, “Ah? Who are you?”

The young man let go of Havel’s hand, straightening up and looking a bit embarrassed. “Right, where are my manners? I am Griggs, a sorcerer of Vinheim Dragon School and apprentice to Master Logan.” He gave a slight bow at the waist, raising back up with a cheerful smile on his face.

She nodded, “Ah..I am from school of Vinheim too. I think they said I was a ‘pro-de-gey’ or whatever. They weren’t very nice there,” she frowned, “ they said my Fwoosh was barbaric!”

Just as Griggs opened his mouth to ask Valkyrie something, Havel cut him off. “I am Havel. The young woman is Valkyrie,” he said, gesturing to his red haired companion. “So, you’re the apprentice that Sad Guy mentioned.”

“Sad Guy?” Griggs asked, holding his chin in thought. “Oh! You mean that warrior at the shrine, yes?”

“He is. If you don’t mind my asking, where did you learn sorcery from?” Havel asked, his voice neutral.

“From the Vinheim Dragon School, sir,” Griggs replied. “I was enrolled as a student for a short time before Master Logan took me on as an apprentice.” He gave a fond smile, “A huge honor, that was. To be approached by the greatest sorcerer to come from our school and offered a chance to learn directly from him? I was sure that it was a dream!”

Valkyrie tilted her head, “Ah? Your dreamed about cowering in a corner of a town infested with hollows?” she shook her head and mumbled, “and people called me weird.”

Griggs chuckled, rubbing his head. “Well, when you put it like that,” he said.

“Did you not learn from a being called Seath?” Havel asked, somewhat amused at this point.

“No, sir. I have heard the name, but I have never had any kind of interaction with Seath,” Griggs answered, frowning. Havel nodded, apparently satisfied by the answer. “However, Master Logan has expressed great interest in him.” Havel gave a click of his tongue at that.

“I see. Your master had best lose interest, if he knows what is good for him,” Havel said. “Nothing good comes from dealing with that corrupt scum.”

“Ah...You wouldn’t happen to have a spare catalyst would you? They took mine away.” Valkyrie asked him.

Griggs gave her a look, and nod, of understanding and started patting his clothes. “Hang on, I think I have a spare here somewhere,” he said, before feeling behind his back and pulling out a spare catalyst. “Ah, here we are!” He handed the catalyst to her. He paused and thought for a moment before saying, “Say, normally I’d charge souls for this, but as a fellow student of Vinheim, I’m sure you can appreciate my work more than the average ruffians.”

“Ah? You have an original spell?” she replied curiously.

“Of course I do!” he said with a large grin, “I’m not Big Hat Logan’s apprentice for nothing after all!”

The two had swapped notes, _which honestly ended up looking less like notes and more like tomes,_ Griggs correcting Valkyrie a few times and vice versa.

After waiting for the two to finish talking, Havel turned back to the door, walking out onto the street. “Anyways, we’ll take you back to Firelink Shrine. We need to talk to Sad Guy about how to get to the Depths and a quick mutter of acknowledgement for the return of Griggs.” They walked back to Firelink Shrine, Griggs making note of the ruined corpses of the thieves as they passed. Soon enough, they had arrived. “Hey, Sad Guy!”

Sad Guy looked up to see Havel and Valkyrie, with Griggs in tow. “So, you’re back. I take it you’ve given up?” he asked. Havel could almost, _almost_ , see the smirk hidden behind his folded hands. In answer, Havel simply held up the key. “Oh...well...nevermind, then.”

“We picked up Griggs, as well.” Sad Guy simply nodded towards him, giving a grunt of acknowledgement. “Anything interesting happen while we were gone?”

“Well, we do have a few new arrivals,” Sad Guy replied, stretching his legs. Sitting in one position for hours on end tended to leave one stiff and sore. “A quiet little priestess and two guards. They’re up by that Great Lard of Scum that tried to swindle me some miracles. Gods only know why they put  up with him. He’s as scummy as they come.”

“A priestess and her bodyguards. I wonder if they’re as corrupt as that swindler?” Havel pondered. “Valkyrie, want to meet some new people?”

“Ah…” she glances over at Griggs,”I want to talk to Griggs more, he had some good ideas. Plus, uh... _Hedoesn’thatemeformyfwoosh_.” She mumbled the last part, poking her fingers together in embarrassment. _Valkyrie gains +5 cuteness._ Havel pat her on the head once, nodding in understanding.

Havel walked up the stairs, giving Petrus a side glance, but otherwise ignoring him. Past Petrus, he saw that there were three new arrivals. Two men and a woman, the woman currently on her knees, seeming to be in prayer. The men were both wearing a set of holy armor, the plates shining in the dim lighting, the one on Havel’s right wearing a helmet. The woman was wearing white robes, a hood covering her head. Havel spoke up. “Excuse me. I hope I’m not interrupting anything too important.”

The woman turned her head to look at Havel over her shoulder, before turning back around and standing up, dusting off her knees. “No, no,” she said, offering Havel a gentle smile. “I was merely praying for success for our journey. I’m afraid I don’t have much time to fraternize.”

“An Undead, then,” Havel realized.

“Indeed. I am Rhea, of Thorolund.” She gestured to her guards, first the right, then the left. “These men are Nico and Vince. We are here on a mission of the utmost importance, but we are currently…”

“Lost?” Havel guessed, Rhea nodding in embarrassment. “Well, if you are confused or lost, then perhaps Sad Guy could help you. He has been surprisingly helpful in giving us directions for our own journey.”

“Sad Guy?”

“The man in chainmail. He sits by the bonfire.” Havel gave Rhea a slight bow of his head. “I apologize if I’ve taken up too much of your time, Lady Rhea.”

“Just Rhea, please,” she said. “And I hope that I may have your name, sir.”

“My name? It is Havel.” Rhea stiffened a bit at that, before closing her now open mouth.

“What a coincidence, that you should bear the same name as Havel the Rock,” she smoothly commented. “As well as wear the armor of his warriors...and his tooth...and his shield.”

“Yes. Quite a coincidence.” Havel smiled under his helmet, almost laughing. He was starting to enjoy being treated in such a way. Sure, people looked at him like he was a bit crazy, considering that to them, Havel has been gone for a while, but it was still better than people kissing up to him for being a glorified war hero. “Well, I shall keep you no longer. I wish you fortune in your journey.”

“To you as well, Havel,” giving him a parting smile before turn back around and continuing her prayer.

Havel walked back to the bonfire, resisting the urge to punch Petrus on his way. He walked back to Sad Guy and sat down beside him, sighing. “Busy day, today,” he muttered offhandedly, watching Valkyrie and Griggs talking animatedly. He then turned his attention to Sad Guy. “So. The Depths. How do we get there?”

“Well, you have to pass through Lower Undead Burg to get there. There is a shortcut through the water way that you could take,” was the reply. “It’s locked from the other side, but you apparently got through the gate connecting upper to lower, so you probably have something for that as well. It’ll be easy to find once you get out of the waterway. It’s a solid metal door, so it’s rather hard to miss.”

“Thanks. Think I’ll just sit here for a few more minutes.” There was silence between the two men for a short while, broken only by the occasional exclamation, or burst of fire, from Valkyrie.

Eventually, Havel stood back up, walking over to Valkyrie and Griggs. “Well, sorry to interrupt, but we need to get going. We still have that second bell to ring, after all.”

“Ah...yes.” She nodded and dusted herself off as she got up. She turned back to Griggs and, nodding to him, said, ” I’ll keep an eye out for Big Hat. Bye.”

They made their way back into the water way, Havel leading the way. They passed the tunnel that lead to Undead Burg, Valkyrie a little confused as to why, until they stopped at the rusted gate she had seen earlier that day. Havel lifted his foot once again and booted the gate, the metal squealing as he gave it two more kicks before it opened. “Onwards and downwards,” he muttered, walking to the end of the passage. They were stopped by a set of iron bars. Further past the bars, they heard some light snoring, but decided against waking up whatever was making that noise. They instead chose to walk through the opening to their right, making their way down a set of stairs, Havel taking just enough time to kick a Hollow off of a wooden platform.

Once at the bottom, they opened a door to see that they were up a short flight of stairs in a long passage that curved off to their right. To the left of the stairs was another door, the solid metal door that Sad Guy had spoken of. “Guess this is it,” Havel said once they were standing in front of it. He put the key into the lock, giving it a gentle twist to avoid snapping it. The door opened with a creak. “Yeah. That’s not creepy or anything.”

They walked through, wooden structures now surrounding them as they made their way down yet another set of stairs to see a large room filled with Hollows wearing loin cloths, some holding broken sword handles, others holding torches. Havel and Valkyrie, mostly Havel, dispatched any that dared come too close, walking further down until they met a large, fat man wearing a sack on his head. He came at them with his cleaver, slicing down onto Havel’s shield. In response, Valkyrie hit him in the face with a fireball, setting fire to his sack.

As the strange man started flailing around now that his head was on fire, Valkyrie looked at her hand, still burning with untapped fire, and began chucking small fireballs at his feet, chuckling all the while. Fortunately for the man, he did not dodge a majority of the small fireballs and quickly succumbed to the increasing amount of flames. As most people aren’t spry or agile, or for that matter aware of their surroundings, when their head is aflame.

“I almost want to ask,” Havel began. They continued down once more, wading through water in the bottom of the room and making their way back up a small pile of debris. To the left was a room and there were grunts of exertion coming from the room. Investigating, they found that the room was full of barrels. In the back of the room was a man wearing clothes similar to Valkyrie’s.

He looked up as he heard footsteps and saw Havel and Valkyrie. “You!” he exclaimed. “Please, help me out of here!”

She blinked and turned to look at the man stuck in a barrel. “Ah...are you trying to do a barrel roll? You need to be on your side to do that.”

“What? No!” The man decided that it would be best to address the walking boulder beside the strange lass. “Look, I’d really like to not be that woman’s dinner! If they come back, I’m dead!”

Valkyrie reared her head back in surprise before mumbling, “That was a woman…?”

Havel walked up to him, saying, “Calm down, calm down. I’ll get you out of there…”

“Laurentius,” the man supplied, Havel putting his hands on the barrel’s lips.

“Well, Laurentius, lucky for you, whoever made these used rotted materials,” Havel said as he began to pull at the rope, snapping it easily. The planks of the barrel fell away from Laurentius, freeing the man. He immediately stretched his limbs, sighing.

“Thank you,” he said, offering his hand to Havel, wincing as Havel shook his hand firmly. “To who do I owe my thanks?”

“Havel,” was the mountain man’s reply.

“And I’m Valkyrie, Keeper of Fwoosh!” she exclaimed, doing her trademarked heroic pose.

“Fwoosh?” Laurentius rubbed his chin before his face lit up in recognition. “Ah, you must be a fellow pyromancer!”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Havel held up his hands in a time out sign. “You actually understood that?!”

“Of course. What other sound would fire make?” Laurentius asked, as if it should be obvious.

“It is quite clear if you just don’t think about it,” she supplied, nodding her head in agreement.

_Do you even listen to what comes out of your mouth?_

“Oh course not! That would make me crazy,” nodding again as she crossed her arms.

_I...Fuck it. Just get moving._

“I…” Havel simply stood there, before shaking his head. “Fuck it. Let’s just get moving.”

Laurentius coughed into his hand, getting their attention, “Can we, ah...move on? I’d rather spend less time down here than needed.”

“We can escort you out of here, but we need to make it through these sewers first,” Havel explained. “We need to open the way to Blighttown. I don’t suppose you would know the way through?”

Laurentius’ face brightened. “Well...I do know the way. See, I’m trying to get there myself. To meet with the Mother of Pyromancy. If you two are on your way there as well, perhaps my journey has a chance of success.”

The other pyromancer cocked her head to the side. “Ah? Mother of Pyromancy? Now I want to meet her, too!”

With that, they left the room full of empty barrels, Havel taking the lead, listening to Laurentius’ instructions. They came to a set of hallways with ankle deep water. As Havel’s foot hit the water, a putrid looking blob fell from the ceiling, landing in front of him. It began to ooze slowly towards the trio. They weren’t very impressed _and neither was I, honestly what are these things? It’s like I’m looking at the reject lovechild of a slime and snot._

Laurentius in his surprise, quickly cast a fireball at it. While seemingly ineffective at first, as it continued burning, with the help of a second fireball via Valkyrie, the blob stilled and began to writhe chaotically before suddenly losing cohesion and collapsing.

Valkyrie blinked and stared at the remains of the blob, voicing everyone’s thoughts at the moment,”Well, that was incredibly underwhelming.”

“Onwards, I suppose,” Havel said, walking forwards. After dealing with a few more slimes and loincloth-clad hollows, they were now in corridors filled with basilisks and large rats. As Havel turned a corner, there was the flash of a barbed blade, followed by a clinking sound as it struck his armor. He looked at the owner of the blade, a red phantom in armor covered in thorns. “Didn’t think this through, did you?”

The Knight of Thorns quickly  backpedaled away from the mountainous man and readied his shield, then retorted, “Well, its not everyday someone wears a boulder, eh?”

Havel looked down at his armor, inspecting it. “Hmm...you may have a point there. Though I could say the same about meeting a man wearing a bramble bush.”

“Bramble Bush!? Bramble!? Bush!? I will have you know this is expertly made armor in the likeness of an ancient sect of knights and honoring their fondness of shrubberies! At least my armor doesn’t make me look like a statue decided to get up and take a walk!” he retorted.

“Can your armor protect you from a dragon?” Havel shot back.

“Oh Yes. Because there are sooo many dragons about these days!” he snarled.

Havel held up his left hand, ticking off on his fingers. “There’s also demons, and wyverns, and drakes, possibly some golems, giant rats, hollows everywhere, and random people trying to kill anyone who isn’t them.”

“Well isn’t it fortunate for me that I’m only going after those random people then, eh?” the knight snapped back.

“THREE!” came the shout from behind Rock-Man, rapidly followed by a series of fireballs over each shoulder. They hit the knight and engulfed him in a puff of fire, knocking him back in surprise.

“What the hell?” He glared at Laurentius and Valkyrie. “Who the fuck just does that to someone they just met? Is that how you greet your mum? Just throw a fireball at her?!”

“Ah… is that how you greet your mom?! Huh! All pointy and stuff! …How do you even hug someone? Wouldn’t that like...kill them?” Valkyrie shot back.

“...What?” The Knight was momentarily taken aback by the odd response.

“You know...she has an excellent point,” Havel chimed in, Laurentius nodding his own head in agreement. “Actually, now that I think about it, that must be extremely painful to put on.”

“I...I don’t take it off,” the Knight muttered.

“...”

“You don’t...take it off…” Havel slowly repeated.

“Ah… doesn’t that...smell?” asked Valkyrie.

Laurentius coughed, “Crotch Rotter...”

“Shut Up! I’ll KILL YOU! RAAAGGH!” The Thorny Knight shouted as he charged the group of three, his vision tunneling in rage. Havel raised his fist and punched Bramble Bush in his face, knocking him onto his back. Raising his boot, he slammed it into the chest, thorns bending and snapping under it, the red phantom disappearing a mist of red.

“So...that was a thing,” Laurentius said, staring from Havel to Valkyrie.

“You get used to it, honestly ever since Havel started following me, we haven’t stopped encountering weird things. It’s pretty crazy,” she replied. Havel just shrugged, walking forward once more. After a time and many more burning rats, they came upon a man sitting just to the side of a stone archway, wearing a golden helmet with glasses over the slits for his eyes.

The odd man turned his head towards the group, “Aye, siwmae. And good day to you.”

Valkyrie stopped and tilted her head to the side, “Ah..?”

The odd man stood up and approached them, holding out his hand as he said “I'm Domhnall of Zena. I'm just, well, a peddler, of sorts. I adore trinkets and oddities, so I trade for them.”

“Mmm! I’m Valkyrie, Keeper of Fwoosh! I like your….hat.” she replied back, shaking his hand, and before the others got a word in she introduced them as well. Pointing to Havel, “This is Havel the Rock, he wears boulders.” Havel nodded to Domhnall and shook his hand. And thumbing at Laurentius, “and this is Laurentius, he does fire.” Cue wave from Laurentius.

Domhnall nodded, “I see, I see! Well what brings you brave adventurers out into the lowly sewers?” he finished his question by sitting back down where he was when they happened upon him.

“Blighttown is what brings us here. We heard we could get through the Depths to reach it,” Havel replied.

Domhnall brought his hand up to his chin and nodded, ”Yes yes, the path you seek is that way friends,” he thumbed to his right, “but be wary, there are some things you simply cannot unsee,” now thumbing to his left.

Havel walked over to where Domhnall had first pointed, looking at a green gate. He gave it a swift kick, the gate ringing from the hit. “Locked. Heavily reinforced,” he noted under his breath, looking at the walls to either side of the gate. “I could get through this given time. The pyromancers probably could, too.” He turned away from the gate, nodding towards Domhnall. “Well, thank you for your help, Domhnall. Come on, you two,” the last sentence aimed at Laurentius and Valkyrie as he walked towards the stone archway. Through it, they came upon an open area, ringed by a stone balcony of some sort, upon which they were standing. A soft golden glow to the right caught Havel’s eye and he walked over there, seeing a familiar summoning sign. He touched it, summoning none other than Solaire, who appeared out of the sign with his trademark ‘Praise the Sun’ gesture.

“Ah, Havel, Valkyrie, ‘tis good to see you again!” he greeted jovially. “I take it that you’re looking for a spot of Jolly Co’operation!”

“Ah! Solaire!....wait...What are you doing here Solaire? We are just looking for a key,” questioned Valkyrie.

“Ahah! I don’t quite know myself! I happened upon a fog gate ahead and I didn’t want to run in head first, so I put down a sign to help any who happen across it and to give myself the tactical advantage that comes with foreknowledge!” he jovially told them.

Havel nodded in thought. “Not a bad idea. Wish we’d had these things back during the war...then again I doubt time was as warped back then as it is now,” he said, looking off of the balcony towards the open area and the drop off further on. “Alright, let’s play this smart. Valkyrie and Laurentius, you two will be providing cover fire-”

“Fire as in burny fire or fwooshy fire?” Valkyrie interrupted. Laurentius nodded his head and rubbed his chin in agreement.

“...Make it a surprise,” Havel replied. “Anyways. You two stay up here and burn anything that isn’t me or Solaire. Solaire, you’re down in the arena with me.”

“Jolly good!” Solaire piped up. He and Havel walked down a short flight of stairs, Solaire gesturing towards the fog gate that he had mentioned. “After you, friend.”

Havel walked through the gate, Solaire soon after. He looked around, seeing nothing. “Anything?” Valkyrie called from the balcony. Havel continued to turn around, when a soul arrow splashed off of his armor.

“Oh. Another Channeler,” he muttered, pulling out his greatbow after spotting the six-eyed sorcerer. He fired two arrows after it, the first one nicking it’s arm, _since when does nicking mean dismembering?_. The second found its mark in the Channeler’s face.

“Aw, that’s so cute!” Valkyrie squealed.

“What?” Havel turned around, putting away his greatbow, to see what looked to be the head of a young dragon. He paused, looking at it. “Well...I guess you could say that it’s kinda cute…”

That thought quickly died as the...dragon...pulled itself up the rest of the way, exposing the rest of its body to the horrified onlookers. The four wings on its back were the most normal part of it, its torso simply a giant vertical gaping maw filled with teeth, arms and legs long and skinny. It roared at them, breaking them out of their daze.

“Havel, doesn’t that kinda look like a giant-” Solaire began but Havel was quick to cut him off.

“Don’t even go there Solaire. I _will_ throw you at him...her...it.” Havel finished for him.

Solaire turned his head and asked, “Wouldn’t it be a her because-”

“Solaire!” Havel cut him off again. He turned his attention back to the dragon.

“It’s times like these that I’m really glad I’m a phantom,” Solaire said.

“Why?”

“Because I can’t actually get hurt.”

“Well, congratulations, Solaire,” Havel said in a cheerful tone, patting Solaire’s shoulder.

“What?”

“You just earned yourself a promotion to meatshield!” Havel gave him a jovial slap on the back.

“What was I before that?” Solaire mumbled under his breath as he walked forward.

“Now, then,” Havel muttered as he pulled his talisman from his hip, holding his dragontooth in his right hand. “Let’s see if I can use Valkyrie’s little trick.” Saying a silent prayer, Havel dragged his talisman over the dragontooth, concentrating on his task. As the talisman moved over it, the tooth was slowly covered in lightning. Havel put away the talisman after coating his favored weapon in lightning and looked at it before sighing. “I could have saved a fortune on that pine resin.”

The next few minutes were chaos, as Solaire and Havel darted in and out of the dragon’s range, choosing quick hits over slow and powerful hits. Valkyrie and Laurentius pelted it from the balcony with fireballs, but they didn’t have much effect against its thick scaled hide. The two pyromancers were currently leaning against the balcony, having figured out quickly that their fireballs were completely useless against the beast. They watched with mild interest as Solaire attempted to hack its tail off, while Havel looked as though he were trying to break the beast’s knees. Which he probably was trying to do. If only the gaping maw would stand still for even a second longer, he could hit it.

**LINE BREAK! BOSS FIGHT!**

Valkyrie sighed as she leaned on the railing, “I’m not sure our fwoosh is going to be enough to kill this...”

Laurentius rested one arm and scratched his chin in thought with the other, “Mmm, this was certainly unexpected. Do you have any other ideas?”

She shook her head sadly, “No, I know some sorcery but it’s really only useful against...well...not whatever that is.”

He nodded, “Ah, I see. Speaking of which doesn’t it kinda look like a giant-”

“Laurentius!” she interrupted sharply.

“What? I’m just saying-”

She turned her head and gave him a glare, _not that he could see it because of her helmet,_ “ I know what it looks like, but here we are doing nothing while they are probably discussing strategy!” She pointed at the two hiding behind a pillar at this point.

He huffed, “Well what can we do, either our fireballs miss or they hit its skin and do nothing! It’s not like we can make a continuous stream of fire or something!”

Valkyrie started then pumped her fist into the air with evident joy, “But we can! I know how to do that!” Her unseen eyes sparkled with happiness at that moment, “Come closer, Laurentius, and I shall learn you the ways of keeping the Burny Hand strong.”

**LINE BREAK! FWOOOOSH MOTHERF-**

Back with Havel and Solaire, they were currently hiding behind a pillar, the mouth on legs searching for them. “Alright,” Havel sighed. “Really wish we had some silver knights with us. They would have helped greatly against this dragon.”

“That’s a dragon?!” Solaire exclaimed incredulously.

“Moving on. Damn thing keeps moving. I can’t get a solid hit on any of its knees. What about you, Solaire?”

“That tail is rather dangerous. Everytime I think I have a good slash lined up, it sweeps and knocks me away. I’m actually starting to run a bit low on my estus,” Solaire answered, holding up a stone flask glowing orange.

Havel crossed his arms, sighing once more. “Well...one problem at a time. Let’s get rid of that tail first. We just need it to swing at us.” Havel stepped out from behind the pillar, gesturing for Solaire to follow suit. “I’ll get its tail to hold still.”

“How do you propose to do that?” Solaire questioned as the tail came at them.

Havel dropped his tooth and shield and _caught the fucking tail!?_ “Start chopping!” Havel grunted at Solaire, who complied after shaking off his stupor.

Gripping the sword in both hands, Solaire began chopping off the dragon’s tail, hacking away with all his might. “Got it!” he cheered as the tail came away, falling to the ground, Havel dropping the portion he had and quickly picking up his shield and tooth again. The dragon aimed its torso at Havel and Solaire, twitching. Coincidentally, Havel and Solaire’s backs were facing the balcony upon which stood Valkyrie and Laurentius.

‘

Its maw opened wide and began to leak a noxious, discolored fluid. As it began to gush out a cry of “NOW!” pierced the disturbing image as an enormous gout of continuous flame shot from the balcony and smashed into the Gaping Maw igniting its mouth. The dragon reared back and snapped its mouth shut, now leaking rapidly burning acid.

“Oh shit...Solaire...get behind me. _Now,_ ” Havel ordered.

“What for?” Solaire asked.

“Just do it!” Havel planted his shield into the ground, kneeling, Solaire following suit at the barked command.

The dragon suddenly began shakily violently and stumble about. It then froze before violently exploding into an enormous ball of fire, sending chunks of burning flesh and scorched bone everywhere. _Well that was certainly a first._ Havel carefully peeked out from behind his shield as the frequency of impacts on his shield slowed down, eyes widening slightly when what looked to be a large axe came flying at the shield. It hit the shield, releasing a shockwave that knocked Havel backwards into Solaire, stunning Solaire.

“Are you two okay?” Laurentius called from the balcony, Havel giving a thumbs-up, laying on his back.

“THAT. WAS .TOTALLY. AWESOME!” screamed Valkyrie as she pumped her fist and jumped in the air. “Can we do that again?!”

“Maybe next week,” Havel answered, slowly standing up. He walked over to the greataxe, picking it up and examining it, taking note that its edge was actually flat and quite wide, looking more like a hammer.. “Must have been stuck in that thing’s stomach.” He hefted it, giving a few practice swings before slamming it into the ground, replicating the shockwave that had knocked him over. “Think I’ll hold onto this.”

“Did you find a Key?” Valkyrie shouted down at them.

“Oh...right. Completely forgot about that…” Havel started looking around, surveying the broken and burning flesh. “Well...this could be a while…”

“Have fun with that, Havel,” Solaire said, saluting to Havel.

“You’re not gonna stick around to help?”

“I’m just the meatshield!” was the jovial reply.

“Alright, alright,” Havel sighed, before chuckling. “Your turn to fight that thing, anyways.”

“Oh... _shit_ …” Solaire’s shoulder drooped as he began to fade from the world.

\------------------------------L

_**Some Time Later** _

\------------------------------L

The trio stood in front of the gate, glaring at the little key in Havel’s hand. So much trouble for a rusted piece of scrap. Havel put the key in and twisted, unlocking the gate. He then twisted it further, snapping the key, then punched the remains, its shape no longer recognizable. “Never. Again,” he said.

“I think my nose is dead,” lamented Valkyrie.

“You still have your sense of smell?” Laurentius questioned. “Did you not lose yours after becoming Undead?”

“Ah… I’m human still. A giant crow kidnapped me from my home, which was a giant rock in the middle of the ocean, and brought me here under the impression that I was a Chosen One. At least that was what G-Man said,” she replied, nodding her head with one finger held in the as if lecturing him.

“I myself have the Darksign, but I haven’t yet died,” Havel added. “But we can leave that for a later date. For now, let’s see what lies ahead.” They walked through the gate, stopping to look over the edge to stare at a swamp of poison and mud, odd little creatures everywhere. Havel heard Laurentius gulp. “Is there a problem?”

“I...I’m not sure that I can do this, to be honest,” Laurentius replied. “This has all been a bit too much for me...I’m worried that I may hollow should I continue ahead.”

“All right. We’ll take you back to Firelink, then. We cleared out the way here, getting back should be no problem.”

**BOOP LINE BREAK**

Sad Guy sat in his usual spot, reflecting on the events of the day. First was the crow’s delivery of what could be the next Chosen Undead. A somewhat crazy girl with red hair and the gift of pyromancy. Then came the Havel look alike. And they hadn’t died yet! The last alleged Chosen Undead he had met had promptly jumped off the clip by Anastacia, yelling something about treasure. After a bit of contemplating, he shrugged, closing his eyes to enjoy the peace that was Firelink Shrine.

“HI! SAD GUY!”

‘ _And there it went,’_ he thought with a sigh.

**POOR SAD GUY RITE? LINK BREAK!**

“We’re back, Sad Guy,” came Havel’s voice. “With two new faces.” He thumbed towards Laurentius and Domhnall, who both waved, Laurentius walking up the steps behind Sad Guy, while Domhnall went to sit by the well.

“We opened the gate,” Laurentius said as he passed Sad Guy. “Man, that is one helluva trek. Killed an abomination that Havel insists is a dragon.”’

“Yeah!” Valkyrie said excitedly, “Me and Laury were all like Super Fwoosh! Then the dragon was all like Kaboom!”

“So...what did you two do, anyways?” Havel asked, turning to look at the shorter man, Valkyrie having walked off to talk with Griggs once more.

“Mmm, Val taught me the intricacies of casting a continual flame that loses significantly less power over distance, her understanding of thermodynamics is really quite in depth and somewhat _mind blowing_.” He nodded to himself, eyes closed, “It takes a lot of concentration to do, and you need both hands to do it. We casted it simultaneously and in conjunction, which resulted in that enormous...beam of fire that you saw.” Laurentius explained. “She said it would explode because of, uhm..” his face screwed up in thought, “ Explosive Thermal Decomposition, I think.”

“I see,” replied Havel thoughtfully, “I didn’t take her for the instructor type.”

“Yeah, that is the thing though,” Laurentius leaned in, as if he was telling a secret, “When she started teaching me, it’s like her whole personality changed as if-”

“She was like a completely different person?” Havel finished for him. He continued, taking Laurentius’ surprise as a ‘yes’, “Don’t be so surprised, I’ve been with her longer. We encountered a demon...or two. She was certainly different from her usual self the second she laid eyes on them.”

“A demon, eh? So, somehow the lost city of Izalith is mixed up in this…” Laurentius sighed and turned to look at Valkyrie happily chatting away with Griggs, “She is certainly something special, keep an eye on that one then, she certainly packs a magical punch.”

“Ah!” Sad Guy smacked his hand to his forehead, gaining Havel’s attention. “I just remembered! There was a shortcut you could have taken to Blighttown. Could have skipped the Depths entirely.”

One could almost hear something snap in Havel’s head. “You’re telling me...that I didn’t have to dig through piles upon piles of dragon guts and bones and whatever else that was for three hours?” he grit through his teeth. Sad Guy wisely remained quiet, merely pointing towards a set of stairs that Havel hadn’t noticed before. “Come on, Valkyrie.” Havel gestured Valkyrie over, who said a quick goodbye to Griggs before jogging to catch up to Havel as he made his way down the steps. They stopped upon seeing a man in golden colored armor sitting across from a jail cell that was directly under the bonfire.

The man quickly took notice of the two. “Hello, there. I’m Knight Lautrec, of...Carim…” he trailed off as he turned his head to look at the walking boulder known as Havel. “Um…”

“Yes, I’m wearing armor made of stone,” Havel supplied. “And yes, this _is_ a dragontooth on my back. Name’s Havel. The lass is Valkyrie.” He looked in the cell, letting Lautrec digest this info. “And who might you be, young lady?” He was referring to the woman in the dirty black rags in the cell, her bright blonde hair gleaming a bit in what little light made it in there. Her blue eyes darted up to look at Havel quickly, before she turned her attention back to the ground.

“She doesn’t talk much,” Lautrec answered. “Missing her tongue, it would seem.”

“And her legs, broken,” Havel noted, eyes narrowed. “Then you must be the firekeeper of Firelink.” He bowed his head towards her. “I am sorry that you were chosen for this duty.” He stood back up, walking past Lautrec to continue down the stairs. They were stopped by a rusted gate and Havel stepped back, looking at Valkyrie. “Go on, then.”

She took on a look of concentration and cupped her hands together, before long there between her hands floated a bright burning ball, as it grew in size she cast it at the gate. The glob of magical fire exploded on the gate unleashing its payload, making short work of the rusty iron lock, before just as quickly cooling off. She smiled and looked towards Havel, “Done!”

Havel gave the gate a light push, the hinges squeaking with the motion. “So you are. Let’s go, then. Down we go.” They stepped on the elevator and were on their way to Blighttown.

**LINE BREAK**

“I” vwoop “hate” vwoop “this” vwoop vwoop vwoop”swamp.” VWOOOP, another insect exploded as the Greater Heavy Soul Arrow smashed into it. Valkyrie shifted a bit on Havel’s shoulder and fired another magical arrow at the neverending stream of blood-sucking toxic insects.

“Just keep shooting. Once we’re done here, we can burn it to the fucking ground, for all I care,” Havel grumbled as he kept a firm hold on Valkyrie’s legs to keep her steady. “We’d be doing Lordran a favor.”

As Havel slogged through the toxic slime, Valkyrie saw a figure sitting against a column. The monsters seemed to be very pointedly avoiding that column. Valkyrie tapped Havel’s helmet and pointed at the column. He aimed his body towards the column and began walking. Once they made it on there, he set Valkyrie down for a bit, stretching his legs, watching as the sludge slowly oozed off his armor.

“Ah… Hi, who are you?” Valkyrie questioned after stretching as well.

“Valkyrie, who are you talkin to?” Havel asked as he looked out over the swamp, scanning for monsters.

“Ah… there is someone wearing odd robes leaning on the column.” she said as she pointed at said now startled figure.

Havel turned around to see the figure. “Oh...how did I miss that?”

“You can see me?” the figure asked, the voice soft and feminine. “You have a gift.” The figure gave a nod towards Valkyrie. “I am Quelaana of Izalith.”

“Quelaana?” Havel repeated. “Might I see your face?” Quelaana acquiesced, slowly pulling her hood off of her face to reveal a young face with red hair and brown eyes. Havel bent down to look in her eyes. “My, how you’ve grown, young lady,” he said with a chuckle.

“I’m sorry?”

“You may find this hard to believe, but I’m Havel. I killed myself in a...that just sounds weird...anyways, long story short, pulled from my time to this one. Because fuck my life, apparently.”

“That’s impossible,” Quelaana retorted, almost snapping back at him. “Havel is hollowed out. Locked away in a tower, insane.” Her hand came up, a small flame of sickly orange appearing in it, ready to strike at the impostor.

“Yes. The Havel of this Lordran was...perhaps it would be easier to show you proof.” Havel reached up, pulling off his helmet. Under the helmet was a surprisingly young looking face, brown hair reaching just below his ears, hazel eyes looking at Quelaana. Under his left eye was a bright blue tattoo of a dragon, covering his cheek. He pointed at the tattoo, halfway between grinning and grimacing. “This alone should suffice.” Under his breath, “Fucking Ornstein.”

*Snerk/ _Snerk_ *

“You look like a girl, Havel,” Valkyrie said in between bouts of laughter.

“Why do you think I wear the helmet? This thing isn’t just for protection.” Havel put the helmet back on, standing up straight again.

Quelaana lowered her hand, the flame disappearing. Off to the side, Valkyrie had her own hands cupped, concentrating on recreating the flame that Quelaana had just used. The flashes of light that occurred from the bursts of flame, as she lost control of it, snapped Quelaana’s attention back over to her. “What do you think you’re doing?!” Quelaana barked at Valkyrie.

Startled by the shout, the ball hovering above her hands burst into a small confetti of lava that she quickly pulled her hands from. “Ah...I was trying to copy your pretty fwoosh,” she sighed as he shoulders slumped at her failure.

“Fwoosh?” the mother of pyromancy repeated to herself. “You are a pyromancer?”

“Mhrm!” she nodded perking up, “A nice old lady taught me everything a long time ago!”

“You have quite the gift, child. To be able to achieve that level of control of your inner fire takes years. The woman who taught you must have been quite the teacher.”

“Yeah…” she nodded sadly, gaining a far off look,” When I asked her why she would teach me, she said..” her face scrunched up in concentration, “something...I never saw her after she finished teaching me, at least I think so. It’s all really fuzzy.”

“I am sorry for your loss,” Quelaana said, nodding at Valkyrie. “If you would like, I would be willing to teach you more about Chaos Pyromancy. It would be a disservice if I did not.”

She smiled and nodded, “Yeah, that sounds like fun! Ah…but first let me take off this helmet, gotta look like Fwooshmaster if I’m going to learn like one!” She quickly removed her helmet, revealing the fire red hair matted down with sweat and her shining blood red eyes, before flicking her hood back up, “Okay, I’m ready now.”

“Whoa, hang on! Before you get into that, we really should go get that second bell,” Havel spoke up, grabbing the attention of the two women.

“But Haaavveeelll she’s teaching me more Fwoosh!” she said as her hood slipped down enough to reveal her giving him puppydog eyes and pouting.

_Grck. Valkyrie gains +5 adorable._

“Then perhaps Quelaana could accompany us,” he suggested, offering his hand to Quelaana to pull her up.

Quelaana sighed and looked at Valkyrie who was now pouting at her before sighing again, “I suppose I do not have a choice in the matter, do I?”

“Well, technically you do, but then we’d have to deal with Valkyrie’s puppydog eyes. I can resist it for now, but I’m not so sure about you. You always did have a thing for adorable things, if I recall correctly.” Havel gestured with the offered hand, Quelaana accepting it this time.

“So, how are we getting across now?” Valkyrie asked.

Havel knelt down. “Same as before. Quelaana will just be on the other shoulder.” Both women looked at him. “What? I wear armor made of rock, for fuck’s sake.”

**LINE BREAK!**

They stood before a large cavern made of webbing. Behind them lay the bodies of infested barbarians crushed or burned. “This looks inviting,” Havel said, making his way inside. They passed dozens upon dozens of eggs, as well as what looked to be Undead, but there were eggs attached to their backs. They carefully skirted them, eventually stopping in front of a fog gate. Havel walked through first, Valkyrie and Quelaana soon after him. Quelaana gripped onto Havel’s arm, shaking. “Something wrong?”

“You’ll see in just a bit,” Quelaana answered in a shaky voice.

_Quelaag the Chaos Spider Witch has entered the Fray!_

Valkyrie was the first to stop suddenly, _almost as if she heard something the others didn’t_. Before Havel could question her a rumble began echoing from the far side of the cavern, from which Quelaag burst from.

“Quelaag,” Quelaana whispered.

“Oh, Quelaa-” Havel stopped when he saw Quelaag. “Oh...um…” His eyes didn’t know where to look. He wasn’t sure what to feel weird about. The lack of clothing or the giant demon spider attached to her lower body. “Huh...that’s...that’s new...that is _very_ new.”

Quelaag advanced slowly towards the party, a predatory smile on her lips as she swept her sword back and forth, the sword black, teeth running along its edge.

Havel raised his hands a calming manner, “Now, now Quelaag, we don’t need to fight...”

The word were unfortunately lost on Quelaag, who was deep in a rage having become sick and tired of Undead after Undead encroaching on her territory. With a wordless scream, she charged the group, only to receive a fireball. In the face.

_Valkyrie used Fireball! It had no effect…I’m soooo surprised. Raise your hand if you saw that coming. In case you didn’t know, I’m raising my hand._

“Did you just-,” Havel started.

“-try to use a fireball on my sister?” Quelaana finished.

“I am attached to a giant burning demon spider and I’m the Daughter of _The_ Witch of Izalith! I throw up lava, for Gwyn’s sake!” Quelaag, now snapped from her rage, shouted.

_I mean seriously, why did you think that would work?_

“But...But Fwoosh is supposed to work on everything!” Valkyrie said, now quite depressed.

… _I mean, she’s not exactly wrong..._

“So, uh...last I saw you, you were just up to my hip, Quelaag. You, uh...you sure grew up…” Havel tried to get a conversation rolling.

Quelaana blinked and started as she realized the last thing Quelaag said, “Wait...you puke lava?”

Quelaag gained a fiery blush, “Well technically my spider half does...it kinda burns to be honest...and it feels really weird.”

“So...I’m...I can’t do this. Quelaag, do you have _anything you can put on_?!” Havel asked, emphasizing the last half of the question.

“And you are…?” Quelaag asked. Havel simply sighed, pulling off his helmet and pointing once again at the tattoo. “...Havel? Didn’t you die?”

“Yes. I’m Havel. No, I didn’t die...well, technically, I killed myself, but I myself didn’t die...wait…” Havel scratched his head. “How does this work again?” He put his helmet back on. “But seriously. Could you please put something on?...and what’s with the spider?”

“A mistake made a thousand years ago,” Quelaana whispered, closing her eyes and bowing her head.

Havel stared at Quelaana, before slowly nodding his head. “Then I can wait to hear about that. For now, perhaps we can move from here. We need to ring the second bell.”

Quelaag gestured with her sword for the trio to follow her, turning around to lead the way up the stairs she had come down just moments ago. “This way, then,” Quelaag said, leading them into a small cave of sorts. To the left was a set of stairs leading upwards. Quelaag moved to the right, though, brushing the tip of her sword against the wall. The wall slowly faded away, an illusory wall to hide a passage leading towards a bonfire.

Havel looked down as he followed Quelaag, bending down upon seeing orange lines on the ground. “Illusory Wall...ahead,” he read out. “Wow. Some security you have.”

“And _this_ is why I murder people,” mumbled Quelaag, resting her sword off to the side.

An Undead with eggs on his back approached Havel, inspecting him. “Oh dear...what have we here? Are you a new servant?”

Before Havel could answer, Quelaag interrupted him. “No, Eingyi. These are friends. Please, do not pester them.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Lady Quelaag,” the egg carrier, Eingyi, said, bowing his head towards her in reverence.

It was at this point that Havel and his companions noticed the other occupant in the room. A pale woman, hair glossy white, her lower half a spider’s body like Quelaag, though it looked as if it were sick. “Quelaan?” escaped from Quelaana’s lips, the pyromancer falling to her knees, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

Quelaan shifted ever so slightly. {Ah? ...Sister? Is that you?}

{Yes, Quelaan, I am here} Quelaag answered, laying a gentle hand on Quelaan’s cheek. {Our dear sister, Quelaana, is here, as well.}

{...Quelaana?} Quelaan whispered.

Quelaana slowly stepped forward. {Hello, sister. It has been some time.} she said, stopping just shy of arm’s reach of Quelaan.

“I really hated it when they talked in that language,” Havel grumbled.

“Eh? What do you mean? What language?” Valkyrie questioned.

“Don’t tell me you understand what they’re saying.”

She blinked, “Ah…? Yes? Why wouldn’t I?”

Havel looked at her, blinking behind his helmet. “Because it’s a tongue that only they know. It’s native to Izalith.”

Quelaana heard enough, she spun around and began to march towards the lass, ”First you can see me. Then you nearly figure out how to cast a Chaos spell by just seeing it once! Now you are telling me you can speak the lost language that only _three_ people in here should know! _WHO ARE YOU, GIRL_!?”

“Wah!” Valkyrie stumbled back, surprised by the sudden outburst from Quelaana she held up her hands in an attempt to calm her down, or protect her face from the impending fireball, _really it could go either way._ She lowered her hand when there was no follow up from Quelaana to find said person rooted in place in shock.

“How...How do you have that ring?” Quelaana questioned.

“Ah…?” was the intelligent response from Valkyrie.

“Tell me now, girl! How do you have my Mother’s Ring!?” She began advancing once more, fire almost quite literally burning in her eyes.

“I-I-It was a g-gift! The old l-lady gave it to me before she dis-disappeared!” she stuttered out.

“Okay, let’s just calm down,” Havel suggested, stepping in between Quelaana and Valkyrie. “Quelaana, you’re obviously a little stressed right now. I don’t blame you. But you need to keep a cool head. You remember what your mother said about losing your temper.” Quelaana wilted at the tone Havel was using. “To lose your temper is to lose control. And when a pyromancer loses control, disaster strikes.”

“Yes, sir,” Quelaana mumbled, now fully cowed.

“And as for you, Quelaag,” Havel turned to the half spider. He pulled out a small wooden box from his Darksign, opening it. He reached his hand in and pulled out two brown shirts, holding them up. “Put one of these on. Help Quelaan with the other.” He tossed them to Quelaag, turning to Valkyrie. “Valkyrie, you go ahead and wait just outside, give Quelaana a little time to cool off and cope, okay? I’m going to go take care of the bell. Is everyone good with this?” His tone dared them to disagree. When no one voiced a complaint, he nodded. “Good. We’re making progress.” Havel walked out, Valkyrie following him, splitting away from him while he headed to the stairs.

As he walked up, he stopped a moment to stare at the scene before him. Lava and demons in the distance, the old entrance to Izalith somewhere among the cliffs. After a few moments of looking out, wondering what fate befell Izalith, he finished climbing the stairs, staring at the bell, then at the lever. He chose to use less strength this time, gingerly pulling on the lever, the bell swaying and beginning to ring. He walked back down once it stopped, coming to a halt when he saw Valkyrie and Quelaana standing in the bonfire room, both of them pushing their fingers together nervously. He sighed,  “Do I want to know?”

**Line Break~**

**A few moments earlier**

“Mumble gruble, ragge flaggga, they were all rah rah rah and I was Hrmphm” Valkyrie mumbled as she marched through the cavern back outside. Reaching the lip of the entrance to the cavern she stopped as she was once again assaulted by the rancid smell of a toxic and decaying swamp. Spying more Infested Barbarians she began lobbing fireballs into the air, trying to hit them. So focused on the amusing task, she didn’t notice  Quelaana walk up next to her. To which she was promptly started and interrupted by a forced cough from Quelaana. The irate lass spared only a quick glance before going back to chucking fireballs at the confused abominations below, “Come to get all angry face at me again?” she bit out.

“What? I-! No. No I didn’t, I came to apologize. I was...it has been a long day for me.” Quelaana finished lamely.

“Heh,” Valkyrie chuckled,” you aren’t the only one.”

“You’re doing it wrong,” Quelaana interrupted.

“Huh?” was the eloquent reply.

Quelana formed a Fire Orb and chucked it up, watching as it landed on one of the abominations, sending it flailing about, now on fire.

To which Valkyrie narrowed her eyes and focused, create a Grand Fireball, which she then too chucked into the air, splashing another abomination and two blood-suckers. She turned and smirked triumphantly at Quelaana who returned it with a challenging glare.

At this point the various crazed denizens of the blighted swap had notice the explosions of fire and the two figures and began to rush towards them, in varying states of mouth foaming. The two somewhat off-kilter pyromancers noticed this and smirked at each other, “See if you can keep up, young ‘un,” taunted Quelaana.

“Don’t fall behind me, ya crazy hag!” replied Valkyrie as her eyes gained a dangerous gleam and fire erupted in all four hands.

**Line breaker!**

**Present Time**

“And that’s why the Swamp is now on fire.” Valkyrie nodded as she finished her tale. The noticeable blush of Quelaana’s face was all the confirmation he needed.

Havel sighed. “I...I have no words. But, I suppose it’s harmless enough. Not like anyone’s gonna miss that thrice damned bog of toxins. It’ll probably be burning for a while. Good a time as any for us to get some rest, I suppose.”

“Ah...I think I’m going to pass out now,” Valkyrie mumbled as she slumped and fell to the floor.

**CHAPTER FIN**

**AUTHOR’S NOTES(Sneaky): So yeah, that was a thing. That happened.**

**Now, I know some of ya’ll are gonna be all like “Wut flame thrower dun work like that m8, noob gtfo” or “inb4 mary sue and gary stu OC” but look at it this way: Everything has an “upgrade” so to speak, You can “put more power” into a spell to make it a ‘greater’ variant i.e fireball > fire orb > grand fireball or combustion > great combustion. So I says, why not flamethrower? I’d figure it would balance out being that it now needs two hands and you need to be stationary. So thats fair, right? Anyway, that was a rhetorical question because I don’t actually care for your opinion.**

**Oh and Max brings up a good point, Havel is OP in lore. Seriously. So no whining because we didn’t make Havel, From Soft did.**

**If you have a legit problem, bring it up n a PM or review and I will look into it. Be sure to not just spout shit out of your ass though as we spend several hour researching each and every thing just to make sure we are marking the difference between lore and gameplay mechanics.**

**Enough about how much of a bitch you are, time for the Omakes! As usual these are not cannon.**

**Omake - Up skirt**

Valkyrie shuddered at the sight of the Capra Demon, the flames in her hands flaring and turning a sickly red as rage overtook her features. She quickly dashed forward, spear forgotten and scaled Havel’s back with a running leap. Havel looked up as he felt something on his shoulders and froze, a blush forming on his cheeks, hidden by his helmet. “Red...with lace,” he mumbled.

“B-B-Baka!” Valkyrie blushed as she stomped on Havel's head to no avail.

**Omake - Scatman**

Quelaana heard enough, she spun around and began to march towards the lass, ”First you can see me. Then you nearly figure out how to cast a Chaos spell by just seeing it once! Now you are telling me you can speak the lost language that only THREE people in here should know! WHO ARE YOU GIRL!”

“I'm the scatman,

Ski bi di bi di do bap do

Do bam do

Bada bwi ba ba bada bo

Baba ba da bo

Bwi ba ba ba do

Bada bwi ba ba bada bo

Baba ba da bo

Bwi ba ba ba do”

She finished striking a pose.

Everyone just returned blank stares. Havel voiced the question on everyone's mind, “What?”

**Omake - I’m your mother**

Quelaana heard enough, she spun around and began to march towards the lass, ”First you can see me. Then you nearly figure out how to cast a Chaos spell by just seeing it once! Now you are telling me you can speak the lost language that only THREE people in here should know! WHO ARE YOU GIRL!”

“What do you know of your mother?” Valkyrie questioned back.

“My mother is dead!” Quelaana screamed.

“No! I AM your Mother!” Valkyrie shot back.

“What! That is impossible! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Quelaana collapsed to her knees and cried.

The extremely confused stares from the rest of the room’s occupants summed up the general feeling of everyone. Havel however said, “Fuck this shit, I’mn going home.” and walked out.

**Omake - Dance Party**

To the left was a room and there were grunts of exertion coming from the room. Investigating, they found that the room was full of barrels. “You know what his room would be great for?” Havel asked, looking around.

“Ah...Dance Party!” Valkyrie shouted with glee.

“Woo! RAVE!” Havel shouted, while music suddenly started playing from nowhere. Multi-colored lights began to flash and light up the room to the beat of the music.

_Oh, hey, One More Time! Good choice!_

-SUP3RPR0-720H34DSH0T has invaded your world-

Suddenly the music came to a screeching halt and the light froze as the Invader walked into the room. Valkyrie was frozen in mid jump as she turned her head to look at him. Havel was too, frozen in mid headbang with accompanied hand-sign of devil horns, as he turned to look at the invader. The Invader sheathed his weapons and the music began to play again, the Invader now joining them with a shuffle dance.

Meanwhile, Laurentius sat in his barrel, depressed, “Guys? What about me…?”

They Raved for several more hours.

**Omake -Token Tsundere**

Quelaag advanced slowly towards the party, a predatory smile on her lips as she swept her sword back and forth, the sword black, teeth running along its edge.

Havel raised his hands a calming manner, “Now, now Quelaag,” Havel began as he navigated to equipment management, removing his helmet, his face now revealed. “We don’t need to fight...” Havel gave her a dazzling smile. Quelaag dropped her sword, blushing. “See? Everything’s just fine.”

“S-shut up!” Quelaag stuttered, turning her head away from Havel, her arms crossed. “I didn’t stop attacking because I like you, or anything. B-Baka!” Her blush increasing.

**Omake - Pokemon Boss Battle**

_A wild Quelaag the Chaos Spider Witch has appeared!_

“Go! Havel! Use Diplomacy!” shouted Quelaana.

_Havel used Diplomacy!_

Havel raised his hands a calming manner, “Now, now Quelaag, we don’t need to fight...”

_It wasn’t very effective..._

_Quelaag used Rage!_

With a wordless scream, she charged the group.

_Quelaag has entered into a Rage!_

“I Choose You! Valkyrie! Use Fireball!” Quelaana shouted once more, this time with a dramatic flick of her wrist.

_Valkyrie used Fireball!_

The fireball impacted on Quelaag and did nothing but stop her short in surprise.

_It had no effect!....Quelaag is now confused! It may hit itself in its confusion!_

Quelaag stumbled around in confusion.

“Now is your chance! Havel! Use Overhead Smash!” Quelaana yelled as she thrust her hand forth.

_Havel used Overhead Smash!_

Havel grabbed the Dragon Tooth with both hands and brought it over his head before slamming it down onto Quelaag, sending her whole body crashing to the ground.

_Critical Hit! It was Super-Effective!_

Quelaag weakly struggled to get back up.

_Quelaag used Lava Barf!_

Once she had regained her footing she then proceed to try and throw up lava all over Havel, alas she was too weak and Havel was able to evade it.

_Quelaag's Lava Barf Missed!_

“Ha! I have you now! Go! Darksign!” Quelaana exclaimed as she threw an odd ball with a glowing orange ring around it. When the ball hit Quelaag it bounced back and opened up, quickly sucking her in with a burst of red light.

**WILL OUR HERO CATCH HER DEMONIZED SISTER QUELAAG?!? FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF POKEMON: DARKISH SOULS!**

**Omake - Temper Temper**

“Okay, let’s just calm down,” Havel suggested, stepping in between Quelaana and Valkyrie. “Quelaana, you’re obviously a little stressed right now. I don’t blame you. But you need to keep a cool head. You remember what your mother said about losing your temper.” Quelaana wilted at the tone Havel was using.

“No cookies for dessert?” Quelaag asked.

“No…”

“Hit them as hard as you can?” Eingyi suggested.

“What? No!”

_Narrate their lives into misfortune?_

“No way, G-Man! Clearly it’s burn everyone in a 10 mile radius!” exclaimed Valkyrie.

“Buh, what? No! That is even worse!”

{Con people out of their humanity with a defenceless girl act?}

“...I have no idea what you said but I’m just going to assume it was nowhere near the correct answer.”

“Hrmmm, well I know mother always shouted ‘Yes, oh god yes’ when ever she was really mad. but she only ever got mad in her own room” Quelaana pondered.

“I give up!” he yelled as he he walked off screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sneaky: See you next time guys! I always have fun writing the Omakes and if you have any suggestions I promise I will think about including it next time! Any words for our single viewer Max? Eh? Max? Eh? Common Max!
> 
> Max: ….
> 
> Sneaky: You heard him! That’s all folks!
> 
> Edit: Sneaky: Oh my god *holds head in hands* that was so many grammatical mistakes, how did we miss them all?


	3. It is all fun and games until you’re Narrated into another world. Havel’s Manly tale of of epic proportions, listen as he plows through all opposition!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being Human sucks. Things are done, People are talked to, and Sweet Mother of Izalith, DON'T FUCK WITH PYROMANCERS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sneaky: Welcome Back, Faithful Followers of SE,SS!...All one of you. I know you're all out there, reading this, not following it but still reading it. I can hear your heavy breathing, you know.
> 
> Max: Those italics in the narration? Those bits are the narrator’s personal two cents on the situations, off-script.
> 
> Anyway, on with the show I guess?

Normal text is Narration

_Italicized Text is Narrator Speaking_

‘ _This is what thoughts look like’_

**Chapter 3 START**

**\--------------------------------------------------**

“....Gugh,” Valkyrie moaned.

“Oh, are you awake now?” asked Havel. His helmet was off, a broken loaf of bread in his hand. Around the room, the others were apparently asleep.

She rolled her head to the left, looking at Havel, “....I’m hungry.”

He broke off a piece of the loaf, handing it to her. “Not surprising. We didn’t eat at all, yesterday.” She remained still, simply staring at the bread. Havel sighed and placed it on her face. She remained unmoving. “Are you going to eat that? Because I’m not feeding you.”

“...I’ll eat it when my everything stops hurting,” was her reply.

“We didn’t even do that much walking,” Havel said, raising an eyebrow at her statement. “Or fighting, for that matter.”

Valkyrie gave it her all to glare at Havel, _which considering the current situation...wasn’t much_ ,”I’m sorry, but not all of us have the stamina of a dragon on caffeine, in fact some of us are mortal.”

“How would you even know what kind of stamina a dragon on caffeine would have?”

“Because, Fuck You, thats how.”

They remained quiet for a moment, Havel taking a drink from a flask. He then broke the silence. “So. Ten years on a rock.”

“Mmm, it was a shitty rock, too,” she said as she sat up and began eating the bread.

“Okay. How did you end up on that rock? What was even on the rock?”

“Mmm, insane asylum for those with magical talents, they wanted us far away from ‘normal’,” she  stopped to do air quotes, ”people.”

“Insane asylum?” Havel repeated to himself.

“Mmm, yeah. It’s where they put mages and pyromancers and everyone else they don’t like,” she paused taking the final bite of the bread, ”I may have snapped in the middle of the school grounds, and I may have also set fire to a large portion of the student population. They deemed me a threat and threw me in prison. To be fair, they totally deserved it.”

“Hmm…” Havel scratched his chin in thought. “You’re being...surprisingly lucid at this moment. In the short time I’ve met you, this is the most focused I’ve seen you.”

She jerked her head back in surprise at that realization, “Ah...you’re right...my head has been very clear…” she trailed off in thought.

“Maybe you’re just a morning person,” Havel chuckled.

“Ah...no, I usually set who woke me up on fire in the mornings,” was her thoughtful reply.

They heard a chuckling noise that they realized was coming from Quelaana, “Spoken like a true Pyro, I see.”

“Right. Now I remember why I didn’t try to wake any of you girls up,” Havel rubbed his chin, grimacing. “Took forever to regrow my eyebrows.” He then shook his head, nodding towards Valkyrie. “Anyways, please, continue.”

“Ah… that was about it, really. Working back, I spent ten years on that rock, before that I spent I think three years at the School of Vinheim I think...and, uh, before that I was learning the Art of Pyromancy from that nice old lady.” She sat with her arms crossed and eyes closed before nodding her head once, as if she went over it in her mind to ensure she didn’t leave anything out.

“You can remember all that, but you can’t remember your name?” asked Havel.

“It’s...It’s all really fuzzy. I  know I was at the school, but not what I did, what I learned, or how long I was actually there...I know I learned Pyromancy from the old lady, but I can’t remember her name, where I lived, who my family was…” she trailed off once more, eyes downcast as she gave the fire a thousand yard stare.

Seeing Valkyrie’s mood, Quelaana decided to shift the topic, specifically one that would hopefully make Havel uncomfortable,”So, Havel, can I get some more clarification on why you're here beyond ‘Magical Time Control! Go with it.’ Hrmm?” she emphasised the sarcasm with an exaggerated jazz hands.

“I...I don’t actually know,” Havel replied, his arms crossed. “I was on my way back to Anor Londo to meet with Gwyn. I stopped to rest at one of the guard houses near the Parish. When I turned around, Valkyrie was there behind me, charred Hollows littering the ground.”

“Heh, good times.”

“Solaire told us that Lordran’s time is somewhat of a mess. But I know nothing else of this time. I can only assume that time was slowly beginning to warp at the point I was taken from.”

“Gwyn? What would he need you for?” Quelaana asked.

“He was calling a meeting of his most trusted. Myself and the Knights, as well as your mother, Nito, and Seath. He did not go into any specifics in the message, but he did mention the First Flame.”

Quelaana looked to Quelaag, who was now awake and frowning. “Yes...the First Flame,” Quelaag said, drawing Havel’s attention. “That didn’t quite, uh...work out.”

“What?”

“The First Flame...it was dying, Havel,” Quelaana was the one to speak up this time. “Our mother tried to recreate it...and...well...Quelaag and Quelaan are what they are now because of it. Mother died as a result, our sister was killed as well and our brother gone.”

“Actually, our adorable little brother is still alive, he’s just not so...adorable, anymore. Or little…” Quelaag interrupted, rubbing the back of her neck, before pulling at the shirt. “I forgot what fabric feels like after going topless for so long.”

Valkyrie look down at her own shirt at that comment. “Don’t even think it,” Havel hissed, glaring at the lass. She cutely pouted back at Havel.

Valkyrie then furrowed her eyebrows as she realized something, “Havel, how _do_ you know them?”

Havel chuckled a bit, rubbing the back of his head. “Well, I used to babysit for the Witch and Gwyn. The little rugrats were quite the handful as they grew up.”

“ _You_ used to babysit?” she said incredulously.

“Well, if you’re going to entrust your children to someone, might as well be a general, I suppose,” Havel shrugged. “They were safer with me or one of the Knights than just a normal bodyguard or, gods forbid, one of the automaton golems. I would also run errands for the other Lords.” Havel then grimaced. “My least favorite of them was Seath. I could look past him being a dragon, but...the things he did in the coming years…” He shook his head. His head suddenly jerked up, looking at Valkyrie. “Since we’re having a game of twenty questions, let’s go back to you, Valkyrie. That ring. You said it was from the old lady who taught you pyromancy. What do you remember of her?”

“Ah…” she tapped her chin and closed her eye trying to remember, “she had...dulled red hair, with streak of gray...Hum, hazel eyes? Mmm yeah hazel eyes. She was nice...almost like a mother, I suppose…”she smiled fondly at the memory,” she always had the patience to teach me, even when I was very excitable…” She tapped her chin in thought, “Hrm, all I can remember is that her name started with a Q and that’s because it sounded really funny back then.”

Quealaana sighed and rubbed her forehead with two finger, “The ring, girl, what about the ring?”

“She…” Valkyrie scrunched her face in concentration,” I went to go say goodbye to her, when they were going to send me off to Vinheim Dragon School of Sorcery and Mystery!” She blinked and blushed, “Ahem. Uh, anyway...when I arrived at her house it was empty and everything was coated with dust and cobwebs,” her face took a more saddened and faraway look, “she wasn’t there. Nothing was.” She glanced down at the ring, “I found this ring sitting on the chair where she would lecture me...so I took it with me.” Her joyous and bubbly mood was now completely gone, replaced only with sadness for a loss of better times.

The others stared at her, at a loss for words. Havel was the first to speak up, deciding to kill two birds with one stone. “So, I’ve been thinking that it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to learn pyromancy. Any tips for a beginner, Valkyrie?” he asked, hoping the change of subject would perk up her mood.

She gave him a stare and smirked, “Fire is hot and don’t enjoy having eyebrows...or hair for a while.”

“And I just regrew them, too,” Havel groaned.

She blinked and looked at Quelaana questioningly. Quelaana quickly set her straight, “Don’t look at me, she did it,” she stated as she thumbed over at Quelaan.

“Oh sure, blame the cripple, Laana, because you were such the perfect angel,” harrumphed Quelaag.

“Right, Laag, because all those cookies that suddenly disappeared had nothing to do with you.” Quelaana rolled her eyes.

Havel raised his hand, clearing his throat a bit. “Actually, that was me.”

Quelaag turned to Havel and pouted, “But I got in trouble for that! Gah! HAVEL!”

“Hey, not my fault your mother could cook. Besides, using them for practicing pyromancy didn’t exactly help your case,” Havel shot back.

“I was getting better,” came Quelaag’s mumbled reply as she rubbed her right shoulder.

“There were already cooked!”

“If I may interrupt, if but for a moment, I could assist in teaching you the basics, Sir Havel,” Eingyi spoke up.

“That would be appreciated, Eingyi,” Havel replied, standing up and stretching.

Valkyrie looked at the bickering sisters and smiled, before giving a more sinister looking one, to Havel at least, directed at him. “Now I think it would be best for your senior to come along and…observe.”

A mischievous light entered Quelaana’s eyes, “Indeed, it would be prudent for me to come along as well, to...ensure things go off without a hitch. Because that would be most _unfortunate_.”

Havel slowly put his helmet on at that statement. After an hour and many incidences of soot on stone, Havel had down the basics, of not setting himself on fire, that is. After taking a breather, he and Valkyrie walked back out to the swamp, Quelaag and Quelaana accompanying them to the entrance of the lair. “Wow. This place looks a lot better, now,” Havel commented. “I can actually see through the water!”

Valkyrie began moving towards it, “Oh! I could use a drink!”

Havel quickly grabbed her hood. “No! There might still be some residue in there, Valkyrie. It’ll be a while before that water is drinkable.”

“Ah...but I’m thirsty Havel!” she whined, to be fair she was one the few humans that existed on Lordran still.

“We’ll get you something to drink back at Firelink, then.” He let go of her hood then, turning to look at Quelaana and Quelaag. “Well, we’ll be going now. Hopefully, we can have this mess fixed up soon.”

A large shadow overtook them, it was Quelaag, “Havel, I would like to make a request of you: My sister needs Humanity to restore herself. If you come across any that you can spare…”

“I understand. I had wanted to ask, but...it’s a bit hard to. Here.” He drew six black sprites from his Darksign, handing them to Quelaag, who held them gently in her hands. “It’s all I can spare for now.”

“Every little bit counts,” Quelaag murmured. “Thank you.”

With that done, Havel and Valkyrie walked down to begin wading their way back towards the elevator that would lead them towards Firelink.

The sisters watched them walk off, Quelaag turned to Quelaana, “She was an odd one. Where did you find them?”

“She was riding Havel through the swamp.”

“ _Kinky~_ ”

_ **LINE BREAK** _

“HEY SAD GUY!”

He sighed, “And there goes the peace... _again_.”

“So, we rang the bell,” Havel said casually. “Where to next?”

“Oh, Oh! We also burned the swamp!” interjected a happy Valkyrie

“...You burned down the swamp?” Sad Guy asked, trying to process the statement.

“Yep! I was all like RAH! FWOOSH! and then everything started exploding!” exclaimed Valkyrie.

“...She burned down a swamp?” he repeated, a lost look in his eyes.

“Did you say something about a swamp?” Laurentius asked as he walked down the stairs to greet Havel and Valkyrie.

“Yes, we did. Valkyrie and a...friend, ended up burning the toxins and monsters out of the swamp. It’s safe to go down there now. Just, don’t drink the water,” Havel answered, reassuring the pyromancer. “Just look for the handholds.”

“Handholds? What do you mean?”

“Well, when they burned down the swamp, they also managed to burn all of the wooden structures. Including the elevator. So I had to climb.”

“Climb?”

“Look. I punched my way up a rock wall. Is that a problem?”

Laurentius sat down to Sad Guy’s left, in a state of shock,”...he punched his way up a rock wall?”

Valkyrie tilted her head, “Ah...he didn’t do that when I told him the Undead Asylum burned down.”

“Asylum?” Havel asked.

“Mhrm! It was this huge building made of stone and it all burned down!”

This time, it was Havel’s turn to sit down, to Sad Guy’s right. “Stone...burning?” he asked himself, hands interlocking under his chin. “Is my armor now useless?” He sounded lost and dazed.

Griggs saw this and walked over to see what was going on. All he heard from them was:

“...she burned down the swamp?”

“...he punched his way up a rock wall?”

“Stone burns?...my armor is useless now?”

He scratched his head, before turning to Valkyrie and asking, “What are they going on about now?”

“Ah… Well...We were talking to Sad Guy and I told him how the Blighted Swamp was burnt down by me. Then Laurentius came over and Havel told him it was fine to go down there now and to look for the handholds he punched into the wall, then I told Havel about how the Undead Asylum burned down.”

He nodded his head in thought, “Ah, I see. That is certainly interesting...but why are they acting like it’s such a big deal?”

She shrugged, “I’unno, I saw way stranger stuff at Vinheim.”

“Mmm, me too. Did you hear about the one time they...”

The two walked off swapping more stories about the things they saw at Vinheim Dragon School of Sorcery and Mystery! _*ahem*_ Quickly forgetting about the three in shock.

Eventually, Havel was able to snap out of the daze and quickly slapped his male companions to awareness. “Okay. We need to get back on track. Where do we head to next?”

“Well, uh...I’m not sure, really. I’ve never seen anyone make it past the first bell. Hell, I never even made it to the second. I suppose you’d head towards Anor Londo now,” Sad Guy replied.

“Ah. Through the funhouse, then,” Havel said, nodding.

“Ohhh, are there going to be fireworks?” Valkyrie asked as she approached them again.

“Might be. It was still in construction last I saw it.”

“Before you go,” Sad Guy spoke up, holding out a small gray doll to Havel, “the crow dropped this on me and started pecking me. Bloody bird.”

Havel accepted the doll, looking at it. “Huh...this looks kind of familiar to me,” he noted, inspecting it more closely. After a moment, he put it away. “I’ll look at this later on. Come on, Valkyrie.” Going back to the elevators that lead to the Parish, they rode it up and walked back towards the entrance to Sen’s Funhouse.

_Welcome to the Funhouse, where if your dreams are of horrifying snakemen and giant axes swinging at you while you try and cross a ridiculously narrow path, can come true. Oh, and boulders. Big, heavy boulders. You should check to see if they are related to you Havel, might be some long lost family._

“So...the axes are, uh...not what I had in mind when Sen first started building this place,” Havel observed, staring at the path ahead, his right hand pointed at the sky, flipping off G-man. “I mean, sure, he was sadistic, but this is a bit much, even for him!” He looked down over the edge, staring at the black goo below. “Is that...is that tar?”

Valkyrie smiled and began walking towards the edge, hand lit with flame,”Well, there is one way to find out!”

“No! Bad idea, _very bad idea!_ ” Havel exclaimed, pushing her arm down, trying to douse the flame.

“Haaaveellll! You can’t tease a girl like that!” she pouted at him.

“I’m not teasing anyone! I’m just telling you, you’re not setting this fortress on fire!”

“First you don’t let me fwoosh the weird snake people and now you won’t let me fwoosh the tar!” she harrumphed, crossing her arms and glaring at Havel.

“And setting a swamp and town on fire wasn’t enough for you?!” Havel shot back, shooting back a glare of his own. “Fine. You wanna set something on fire? There’s something to hit!” He pointed towards a four-armed snake woman holding flamberges.

Still glaring at Havel, she flicked her wand and sent a Great Heavy Soul Arrow out, ploughing straight through the chest of the Snakewoman. She then glanced over at the Giant Axes swinging back and forth, then to the numerous bloodstains and phantoms dying in various ways, then back to Havel,  “I’m not walking through that.”

“Then we’ll just go through it,” Havel said, pulling his dragontooth off of his back and hefting it with both hands. He walked forward on the bridge, raising the tooth over his head. Checking his timing, he slammed it down onto the shaft of the first axe, snapping the shaft with some effort, the momentum of the blade carrying itself off of the bridge. “Slow. But effective.”

A crash sounded out below, after which Valkyrie turned to Havel and nodded, “But better then being hit by _that_.”

Continuing forward, Havel tearing down the axes, while Valkyrie would take care of any snakemen foolish enough to approach, they made it to the second level, bypassing a trapped chest to continue into a room with a bridge over a floor. Havel stopped, noticing a sleeping snakeman in front of wall that looked as though it had been weakened by constant hits from something large. He jumped from the bridge, letting the weight of his dragontooth do the work as it caved the snakeman’s skull in. “No sleeping on the job, jackass,” he grunted, the wall coming down behind the snakeman’s lifeless body.

“Oh? Hello There! You seem quite lucid, and not a snakeman whatsoever. Would you mind freeing me?” came a polite voice from the now opened room.

Havel turned to the origin of the sound, a man in a cage. “We run into the strangest situations, Valkyrie.”

She nodded in agreement, “Mmm, I like his hat.”

“Hello, I’m Logan, Master Sorcerer of Vinheim Dragon School of Sorcery and Mystery!” he cleared his throat, ”If you could avail yourselves of the key to this infernal cage, I would be most grateful.” He glanced over at Valkyrie,”You may have heard of me.”

“Ah! Griggs mentioned you. I suppose we should get you out of there then…” she thought aloud.

“Pfft. Key. That’s a good one,” Havel gave a bark of laughter, stepping forward to grip the cage with one hand and the lock with another. He wrenched the lock off, the metal screeching as it was pulled from its home. The cage’s door swung open on hinges, Havel tossing the lock over his shoulder. “There we go!”

Logan quickly hopped out of the cage and turned to Havel, “I thank you, sir, I should have realized a man like you would have such strength from the basis of your your apparel.”

“Um...thanks?”

Logan nodded and turned to Valkyrie, “Thank you again, but I do not have the proper reward for your invaluable assistance, seek me out at Firelink Shrine. I shall be making temporary residence there.”

“Ah... thank you,” she replied surprised.

As Logan walked away, Havel stared after him. “Well...at least we found him, I guess,” Havel shrugged, turning back to look at the cage. “Though I wonder how he got himself captured.” He took a long look at the hole in the wall, “For that matter, how’d he end up behind this wall?”

With that done, they continued making their way up to the top of the fortress, Havel once more on axe breaking duty and Valkyrie blasting snakemen. They soon made their way outside on the fourth level and stopped upon seeing a giant dropping boulders down a chute. “Huh. So that’s where those were coming from.”

“Hey you big meanie! Stop dropping the rocks!” shouted Valkyrie having grown annoyed at the constant stream of them.

“Just leave him, Valkyrie,” Havel said, walking up the stairs. Valkyrie started up the stairs behind him when she heard a crash and looked up to see flames just above her head. “Oh...giant firebombs. Valkyrie, you stay put. I’ll call down when it’s safe to come up.”

“Hmph, fine. Go have fun without me,” sulked Valkyrie, realizing that she could in fact die if she was caught in the blast of one of those bombs.

After a few minutes and the sounds of Havel’s weapon brutalizing something, Havel called down, “Alright, you’re good to come up now! Just follow the stairs all the way up!”

Valkyrie looked around and only saw a small flight of stairs, in her confusion, “What are you talking about? There are no stairs!”

After nearly half an hour of poor direction giving and even poorer communication skills, Valkyrie finally made it up to Havel. “Why didn’t you just say go right and head up the side stairs in the first place!” complained Valkyrie.

“I did!” Havel retorted. “Multiple times!”

“Whatever, you’re still wrong. Now where do we go?”

“Well, we can go through this fog door here,” Havel said, pointing at the large door. “Or, we can see what’s just across the way.” Behind Havel, there was a small bridge leading across to a small tower. “Your choice.”

“Eh,” she shrugged, “what could possibly go wrong? Let's show whatever big baddy is behind this thing a what for!” she accentuated her speech by punching the air.

“Alright, then. Onwards.” Havel stepped through first, Valkyrie right behind him.

What greeted them beyond the gate was a sight to behold. A platform with rubble lay before them and just past the rubble was a large, black iron statue holding an axe at its side. Once Valkyrie had stepped through, the golem began to move, raising the axe up and making a slash from left to right. Havel held up his shield, seeing a distortion in the air racing towards them. The blade of air hit his shield, pushing him back a foot.

“Okay, this could be a slight problem,” Havel noted, keeping his shield up and pointed towards the golem.

“Woah…” Valkyrie looked up, “that is one big baddy…”

Havel ran forward, taking a swing at the thing’s foot. His dragontooth bounced off, a light indentation left in the ankle, the golem slamming its axe down, Havel angling his shield so that it would glance off. He stumbled a bit, having not properly braced himself for the hit. The axe itself was slammed into the rubble, knocking bits of it away.

“Havel! Follow up!” she shouted as she ran towards the Golem, sickly orange fireball collecting in her hand. The Golem attempted to swipe the axe at the two unlucky adventures once more, intent on removing the greatest threat, the man in stone armor, from the battle. Its destructive swing generated another blade of wind, one soaring right at Valkyrie, she frantically dived out of the way as she threw the Chaos Fireball onto the right ankle of the Golem, the lava rapidly heating the iron that made up the joint.

Havel wasted no time in grabbing his dragontooth with both hands, shield on his back. He swung with all his might at the now soft ankle, the metal wrapping around the weapon as the ankle crumpled. The golem lost its balance, falling backwards on itself. Taking the initiative, Valkyrie ran up to it and slammed both hands onto its side, and with a shout of “ **Fire Storm**!” she pushed the pyromancy through the Golem. This caused explosions of fire and superheated metal to erupt all over it. Taking her hands off, she continued with a Chaos Fireball to the faceplate, to which Havel did an overhead smash onto, ensuring the Golem’s destruction.

Havel was inspecting the golem’s chest while Valkyrie did a little victory dance consisting of wild and erratic movements. “Is that…?” he mumbled to himself, climbing up onto the golem and reaching into one of the holes on its chest, pulling out what looked like a rounded bone of something. “They used a dragon’s bone as its core, huh? May be useful later, then.” Havel put the core into his Darksign, turning back to Valkyrie. “Well, with that, our way to Anor Londo is clear…” he shrugged as he looked for some sort of entrance or doorway, “I guess?” He then turned to look at what was once the path to Anor Londo, finally realizing what the rubble around the platform actually was. “Ah, shit. Nevermind. Looks like it’s been closed off.”

She looked at the broken path, “Ah… I might have an idea. I will be back soon,stay here Havel.” She dashed off before Havel could reply to go an execute her idea.

**LINE BREAK!**

It was an interesting site for the squatters of Firelink to watch as a panting Valkyrie walked off the elevators and over to Griggs only to pant and shout half formed words, though Griggs apparently understood as he gave her a water canteen as he no longer needed it.

After taking a long drink, which emptied the canteen, she thanked Griggs and told him of how they had freed Logan from Sen’s Fortress, to which he amusedly motioned to Logan who was standing right next to him, also somewhat amused.

“Ah, greetings girl, where is your brute of a companion? I had wished to give you both a suitable reward for my emancipation. Griggs has told me much about you, and that young pyromancer as well, both with high marks. As such, I feel that I must equal such a deed, thus I will teach you my signature spell the Soul Spear as repayment,” he paused, to give the next statement more weight, “If you are intelligent enough to keep pace that is...” With that said, Logan motioned for her to sit beside him.

“Ah! Thank you!” her eyes shined at the prospect of using something called ‘Soul Spear’, Havel and her plan temporarily forgotten. She quickly took a seat to listen to Logan’s mental challenge, and on her success, his instructions, even Griggs listened in, after all it was rare and unlike Logan to hand out something like that for free, or at all.

Logan nodded, “Very well, listen closely because I won’t be repeating this a second time.”

**LINE BREAK!?**

**Some-Time-Later**

Havel kicked at a small rock, watching it bounce off of the platform. “Where the hell is that girl?” he asked, pacing back and forth on the platform.

**LINE BREAK?!**

**Back at Firelink**

“Thanks Master Logan! Bye Griggs” Valkyrie waved as she walked away from the magical duo. She wandered over to below Huginn’s nesting point to try and convince the bird to give her a ride, however before she could begin she was stopped by Sad Guy who had quite the angry face at the moment, “Girl listen, I know it doesn’t mean much to you being Human and all, but the Bonfire has gone out, and when I went to go check of the woman behind the bars all that was left was this black orb and her bloodied clothes…” he paused, holding up the orb, it was a dull black orb with the impression of an eye on it, “Lautrec was long gone I suppose, so it probably is his doing. I want you to hold onto this, find the bastard and give him the justice he deserves,” Sad Guy said with venom, surprising Valkyrie who just numbly pocketed the orb in one of her many pouches.

“Ah…” she paused, not knowing what to say and instead decided to continue on her previous course of action, she looked up at the crow, “could you take me back to Havel? He is at Sen’s Fortress, we are trying to get into Anor Londo.”

The crow looked down at her and cocked its head, then as if it had come to a decision flapped down and let Valkyrie climb up onto its back. With a loud caw it took flight in the direction  of Sen’s Fortress.

Sad Guy looked on in surprise, that someone had actually gotten the damn bird to move, he chuckled as he sat back down, “That girl certainly is something alright.”

**I AM A LINE BREAK**

**Back at Sen’s Fortress(with a very bored and irritated Havel)**

Havel stepped back, looking at the platform. He had decided to go ahead and clear the rubble from it, having nothing else to do, while waiting for Valkyrie.

He was interrupted with a loud shout of “INCOMING!” and a caw that followed it, before feeling pressure on his shoulders and having his momentum roughly changed to full speed ahead.

He watched as his feet left the ground and he ascended into the air and decided to voice the most important question, “Why the fuck are we flying?!”

“I have a new friend!” has her reply.

“I can see that! But that doesn’t answer my question!” Havel looked ahead to see the walls of Anor Londo fast approaching. “Pull up, pull up, pull up!” Huginn began to pull up, sharply, Havel grunting at the sudden change just before they would have hit the wall. When they cleared the top, he could hear Valkyrie gasp at the sight before them. Anor Londo, spread before them in all its glory, the sunlight reflecting off of stained windows and the white marble of the buildings below.

“Ah...so pretty!” Valkyrie shouted in awe.

Havel smiled under his helmet. “Yeah. It’s somethin’ else. At least I was able to see it completed, now. Huginn, drop us off at that balcony down there.” Huginn obliged Havel’s request, flying down to the balcony, letting go of Havel and landing to let Valkyrie off.

“Thanks Huginn!” she said as she hugged the crow, “I’ll call you if I need anymore help!” With that, the crow flew off, most likely back to its roost to sleep.

“Alright, back in more familiar territory now,” Havel said, looking around. “Sorta.” He walked towards the city, stopping under a small spire, looking down the hole. “I told them they needed to make this thing safer, but I guess they just ignored me.” A small platform was rising up, showing it to be an elevator of sorts.

They stepped on, riding the elevator down to the bottom and stepping off, heading down some stairs and out into the city. Ahead of them was a gargoyle, this one’s armor looking like shined brass in the sunlight.

“AH! _Killitwithfire_!” she reacted to the sight with excessive, but justified, violence, specifically a Great Fireball to the face.

The creature screamed in pain and anger, bringing both of its hand to its face, slapping at the flames. Havel slammed his dragontooth onto its back, snapping its spine. He then slammed the tooth onto its head, sending it on its way in a similar manner to the bell tower gargoyle earlier in his adventure. He then looked to see that the way to the keep that he himself had helped to build. “Well, shit. Looks like we have to go the long way,” he said, seeing that the walkway was currently too high to continue. “Alright, this way, Valkyrie.” Havel hopped off a ledge just to the side of the stairs, Valkyrie following him.

Valkyrie shuffled nervously in place, staring at Havel’s back as he started to step onto what looked to be a shingled ramp leading to another building, “Ah...Havel? I would like to remind you that I am very much on a one-life, no continues sort of deal at the moment, are you sure this is...I don’t want to say safe because so far not a single thing we have done has been safe, but...is this safe?”

Havel stopped, turning to look at her. “Well, if your balance is good, then yeah, it’s safe. This was one of the first areas to be done during construction of this city. The builders took this route all the time.” He waited a few moments in silence, but Valkyrie stayed rooted to her spot. He gave a sigh and asked, “Do you want me to carry you, again?”

She looked down at the steep drop and back up at Havel, nodding rapidly, “Yes, very much so.”

Havel walked back, turning around and kneeling down. “Alright, hop on.” She grabbed onto his neck, his forearms hooking under her knees to support her weight. She wiggled around a bit, finding a position where the spines on the back of his weren’t digging into her torso. Havel began to walk back up the ramp, dropping off of it once he was standing just above a window that lead out to a railed balcony. He let Valkyrie off of his back and they walked inside, stopping as a figure in all white threw a knife at them. Havel caught the knife and with a flick, sent it back at the figure, impaling their forehead. It was then Havel noticed the balcony they were on was completely blocked up with railing, a ladder leading up to the support beams and rafters of the roof. He sighed as he climbed up, feeling that he’d probably to have carry Valkyrie all the way across.

“Ah… Havel?” she began, ” I think I can do this...just, ah...give me some time, I’ll take it slow and go pew pew.”

“Alright,” Havel replied as he casually kicked another painting guardian off of the platform, launching him far enough that he didn’t even hit the railing. Havel began to walk across the rafters, casually strolling along, almost bored as soul arrows shot around him and tore up the Guardians. Once he reached the large chandelier, he stopped to look back at Valkyrie, who was still firing soul arrows. “Valkyrie, there were only three guys. You can stop now,” he called to her.

“Are you sure? They look like statues to me! Can’t be too careful ‘round statues, if you aren’t looking at them they’ll get you!”

_Valkyrie, for the last time. THEY DON’T EXIST HERE. Probably. Like, at least ninety percent sure._

Havel sighed, making his way back towards her. “Come on, you,” he said, gesturing her to walk towards him. She inched out one foot at a time, Havel sighed, this was going to take a while. He walked towards her and this time scooped her up. “Just close your eyes. We’ll be over this in no time.” Soon enough, they were at the end and Havel set her down on her feet, beside the ladder they would have to climb down. “Go ahead and get down to something more solid.” Havel pulled out his greatbow and fired an arrow at the chandelier he had passed, severing the links. It fell, killing the guards on the floor that Havel had spotted from the rafters. He then saw the painting that they had been standing over when they had first walked into the building. “Interesting. I wanna get a closer look at that,” he said to himself, putting away the greatbow to climb down the ladder. He walked back outside to see Valkyrie staring at a lever.

She grabbed it and with a yell of “Yoink!” she pulled it. To have nothing happen.

“The walkway is already here, Valkyrie,” Havel said, walking forward. Valkyrie followed him, watching as he put his hands on a large handle connected to a circular stone. He pushed and the walkway began to move, rotating slowly and lowering. It set into place with a loud groan, a gargoyle running up to them eagerly. Havel dispatched the gargoyle as he had the first two. A swing to the head. He walked down the stairs of the walkway, making his way once more into the cathedral like building with the painting. Inside, he saw that there were still a good few guardians left, but they allowed him and Valkyrie through unimpeded for some reason. They quickly stood before the painting, staring up at it.

“I wanna poke it,” said Valkyrie curiously as she moved closer.

“Why?”

“It looks so pokeable.”

“That doesn’t mean you should.”

“I’m poking it,” she said as she moved closer.

“Please don’t.”

She poked it, and then poked it again, “Aww, I was hoping something would happen,” she whined.

Havel came up behind her, reaching over her shoulder. “This painting...I’ve never seen this here. Where did it come from?” His hand touched the painting. When he went to pull away he realized that his hand wouldn’t budge, in fact is was slowly being pulled in, “I thought it was safe!” Valkyrie cheered and latched onto his arm and it suddenly sucked him through, leaving the great hall empty except for its guardians once more.

**LINE BREAK! INTO THE UNKNOWN!**

They landed in snow, on one side of a broken bridge. Havel stood up, shaking snow off of his armor. “Where the hell are we?” he asked, looking around. There was a bonfire a little ways up ahead, surrounded by dead trees and corpses hanging from posts. “Well, what a cheery little place this is…” The bonfire was unlit, covered with snow. Havel ignored it, walking forward. Reaching a gate, he took a look at it. The slit between the doors was just enough that he could slips his fingers in. He began pulling, one door slowly opening with a loud creaking noise. “Hey, Valkyrie...where the hell did she go?” An explosion of fire and the laughter that followed it keyed him in to her location, which was around the corner. “Oh, for the love of...Valkyrie, get over here!” The redhead walked around the corner, a smug smile on her face. Havel walked through the gate and stopped as he saw what looked to be a blob of fused hollows surrounding a statue.  There looked to be a little over a dozen of them, each holding a spear and shield.

“Ah…that doesn’t look comfortable,” she commented, staring at the mess of fused hollows.

“...You should burn it…”

Her eyes lit up, along with her hands, “I was thinking the same thing!” she jutted both hands and and panned out a stream of fire back and forth, igniting everything in front of her. The blobs caught on fire, burning and charring, eventually going slack.

“Okay. Let’s move on before something else shows up,” Have said, walking past the corpses and statue, into a circular tower that rose up and up. Hearing a noise, he looked up, his eyes widening a bit as he saw what could only be harpies flying near the top of the tower. He quickly walked forward, pushing against a large blue door, straining with it. It inched open slowly, whatever mechanism that locked it snapping under the pressure of Havel the Rock. Beyond the door was a bridge, old and broken in spots, a miniature gauntlet of hollows and a large man in black armor.

As they neared the end of the decrepit bridge, ending any hostiles along the way with a combination of spell, fire and giant tooth, they saw someone standing inside a small coliseum of sorts. As they got closer to the fog gate, Havel readied his tooth and shield, stepping through. Before them was a woman, much taller than Havel himself, standing at almost ten feet. “Who are thou?” asked the woman, Havel ducking a bit behind his shield as he took in her appearance.  In her hands was a great scythe. She was covered in a white garment with fur on it. Her face was pale, her eyes a bright green color, and where her eyebrows should have been, there appeared to be hard ridges, almost like small horns. Havel then noticed something swaying gently behind her. A tail. That looked extremely fluffy.

“Awah! So fluffy!” exclaimed Valkyrie as she rushed over and begun to snuggle the tail, creating  an awkward atmosphere.

“E-excuse me!” the woman yelped, a light blush coming to her face. “Please remove thyself from mine tail!”

“No! IT’S SO _FLUFFY_!” she exclaimed as she writhed around on it.

The woman looked towards Havel, who had put down his shield and tooth, laughing a bit at these events. The sounds coming from the red head slowly turned to garbled gibberish as she rubbed herself all over the tail. “I think this may have passed into sexual harassment,” Havel noted, crossing his arms.

“Please, remove thine companion from mine tail!” she nearly begged Havel, her expression one of extreme confusion and discomfort.

“That may be a bit...difficult. Not sure I could do it without hurting you or her,” Havel answered, shrugging. “Valkyrie, could you at least let up a bit? Maybe just stick to petting?” Fortunately for everyone involved, she had writhed herself into a fluffy coma and was unresponsive, and drooling, on the tail. “Okay...well...I’ll just, uh...remove her, then.” He walked over and carefully disentangled Valkyrie from the tail, the woman grabbing her tail protectively as soon as it was free. “I’m sorry for her behavior, uh…”

“Priscilla,” the woman supplied, having moved away from Havel.

“Priscilla. Again, I’m sorry for her behavior. I’m Havel. The lass I’m accompanying is Valkyrie.” Havel gestured towards himself first, then to Valkyrie. Who was still twitching and drooling.

“Is she normally like this?”

“Well, no. Usually, she tries to set things on fire first, from what I’ve seen,” Havel answered, scratching his helmet, staring at Priscilla.

After a moment, Priscilla nervously looked away, feeling unnerved by Havel gazing at her. “Is something the matter?”

“Apologies,” Havel said, shaking his head. “But you seem familiar to me. Your name also feels as though I’ve heard it before.” Havel took off his helmet and set it down, breathing in the air of this strange world. He sat down, choosing to lean against one of the support structures of the surrounding wall. He pulled the doll out of his darksign, studying it intently.

Priscilla was now looking at him, more specifically, the doll in his hands. “That doll,” she breathed, seemingly surprised at the small toy.

Havel looked up, noting her gaze on the doll. “Ah, yeah. A new, well, friend, I suppose I could call him, handed this to me for some reason. It reminds of the dolls that the children I would watch over would occasionally play with. Might you know who this one belongs to, Priscilla?” he asked, holding the doll up to her. She gently took it, cradling it in her hands.

“Mine. I used to hug this to myself when I was younger,” she replied quietly, staring down at the doll. Her speech had dropped its odd touch. “It was my only solace as a child. My only friend.” She closed her eyes as she held it to her chest.

“Only friend?” Havel asked, frowning.

“I am...an abomination…” she replied, her voice hitching a bit. “A bastard child of human and dragon.” She opened her eyes as she gazed out into the grey void, “I was Seath’s pet project, an experiment. I suppose I should be considering the dragon my father but I cannot recollect seeing him more then twice in all my existence. He kept me away, watched over by his servants, while they did many tests on me. Poked with sharp objects and shied from human contact, I had hoped when they would finally let me leave the tower to walk around the city, that things would be better.” Her shoulders slumped as a tear leaked from her eye, ”You may have already guessed,  it did not get better. The many people on the outside of the tower looked at mineself with disgust and disdain. I could seek no refuge among them. Eventually, they ran out of tests to perform on me, and with my release from the tower the many people that looked at me with hate began to dissent, I feared for my safety, I had managed to beg the giant blacksmith, he felt pity on me and granted me thine scythe. It was only after the first group of people that had come to kill me that Seath moved to protect his...investment.” She sighed, despair and loneliness evident in her voice, “He once more found use for mineself, this painting has become both mine haven and mine prison. It was another experiment, Seath was obsessed with immortality and by extension, anything to do with it. The darksign fascinated him so and he had set out to duplicate it for himself. The result was this painting, as the darksign apparently has the ability to store things to a degree inside what could be described as a pocket dimension, so too does this painting.”

“Then why all of the other people here?” Havel asked.

She shuffled nervously on her feet before caving and went to go sit with her back to one of the pillars next to Havel, “It was an effective prison, too, I’m sure you've noticed all the gates.” At this comment Havel coughed and a light red dusting appeared on his cheeks. “Seath dumped any who displeased him here, the inhabitants were friendly towards me for a time, I know not if it was because of my stature or because we all shared the same fate, but they were friendly nonetheless...It was nice here for a time...until Seath’s experiments began to fail. Have you noticed some of them walking around acting as suicide bombers?” she questioned.

“I’m sorry, come again?” Havel asked. “I saw a giant blob, perhaps a couple of...bird people flying about, but I haven’t seen anything like suicide bombers.”

Sorrow was etched into her features, “Yes, just many more of Seath’s twisted experiments that he just dumped here, such as the horror that some here call the Phalanx, they were soldiers once but they were obviously experimented on by Seath to try and create...something...maybe stronger soldiers? Who knows…”

“So, the rumors about Seath were true, then,” Havel nodded, feeling some anger at hearing Priscilla’s story. “And the rumors about you were obviously embellished all that time ago.”

Priscilla nodded, “Thank you, I must ask though, you speak as if much time has passed. Surely no more than a decade has passed since my imprisonment?”

“No. I’d say closer to a handful of centuries. Most of the people who would persecute you are either dead or hollowed...probably hollowed…” he thought on that for a moment, “and dead. There are a lot of Undead in Lordran of late.”

“Ah, I...see...everyone is gone…” she sat there in shock, “tell me good sir, is Seath still among the living?”

“Probably. I don’t know all of what he did in his research, but he had come into possession of a crystal that he believed to have properties that could lead him to immortality. Gwyn allowed him to keep it after the war against the dragons.” Havel looked at the snow, watching as more flakes drifted in the wind. “You can leave, you know. You no longer have to remain here.”

She recoiled in surprise, “I...normally I would have refused...but if time has passed like you say it has, then I need no longer worry or sequester myself here so.”

“Any chance you could drop that noble talk?” Havel looked at her from the corner of his eye.

She blushed and looked away, “I suppose that is a fair request, I will try to keep such talk to a minimum.”

“Good. That kinda speech is too stuffy and stiff for my taste. Not like there’s anyone left to even give two shits about it anymore.” Havel closed his eyes, resting his head back on the pillar. He gave a forceful sigh, for the first time relaxing completely since being transported to this new Lordran.

“We can take the drop,” she blurted out.

Havel’s eyes snapped open, his head turning to look at her sharply. “The what?”

She motioned towards the broken stone bridge that was opposite of the fog gate, “The drop, it takes you back to outside the painting, or so I was told.”

Havel looked to where she had motioned, seeing the drop itself. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” he groaned. “We have to jump off?!”

“Mrphaghgh,” Valkyrie stretched and yawned as she got up, “that was a good dream, Havel what- OH! FLUFFY!” she said excitedly as she spotted the tail once more.

Havel quickly grabbed her hood as she made for the tail. “Enough, Valkyrie. We’ve got a bit of a problem,” he said, keeping a firm grip on the hood.

“Urk! Eh? Havel?!” she began to flail around.

“We have to jump...off of that,” Havel pointed with his free hand to the broken bridge. “Otherwise, we may be stuck here for good.”

Her eyes went wide as she followed to where he was pointing, “Ehhh? Ehhhh?! Havel!”

“Hey, I’m not a fan of this plan, either. But it’s all we have right now. Priscilla, what’s the worst-case scenario here, if we jump?”

“I...I am not sure. The painted world has no end. There would be no ground to hit at the bottom.” she said nervously.

“So, we either end up back in Anor Londo or we fall for eternity...great…” He stood up, putting his helmet back on and adjusting it a bit. “Well, no point in waiting around here anymore. The faster we get this done, the faster we can find out what’ll happen.” He walked to the bridge, Valkyrie and Priscilla following nervously behind him. “So...uh...all at once?”

“If it will ease your minds, I will go first,” Priscilla stated.

“Fuck it. Let’s just jump.” And with that, Havel grabbed their hands and yanked them after him, the women yelping as they were now essentially tied to a falling boulder. The three screamed as they fell, before suddenly popping out of existence.

_Wow, that could have ended so poorly._

**LINE BREAK!**

Havel looked around, noting that the guardians were still keeping his distance. He then winced as the women continued screaming, noting that their own grips were now a vice on his hands. “You two can stop now,” he said, but he was ignored. Clearing his throat, he raised his voice a bit. “I said, you can stop!”They stopped holding on to his hands only to hug each other tightly and continued screaming. Eventually they stopped screaming and just went to shaking uncontrollably and using Valkyrie as a teddy bear. “It wasn’t even that bad!” His response was a glare from the two women.

“Havel, you’re so mean sometimes,” Valkyrie pouted.

“Let’s be honest here. If I had jumped first, you two probably wouldn’t have worked up the guts to do it yourselves. You needed the push. Or pull, in this case,” Havel shrugged, unrepentant. A small fireball to the face was her answer. “Uncalled for.” Another small fireball and a giggle from Priscilla was the response. He began wiping the soot off his helmet, grumbling under his breath.

“Ha! That will show him! Onward, Priscilla!” Valkyrie pointed forward still being held to Priscilla’s chest like a stuffed animal.

They made their way back to the walkway, going up the stairs this time, stopping at the bottom of an even larger set of stairs that led up to the entrance of the keep. “Oh, good, they actually did manage to complete these stairs,” Havel noted, starting the climb. At the top, there was a large metal door, flanked by an automaton sentinel on either side. they stood at attention, their halberds perpendicular to the ground and their shields held at the ready. As Havel and Priscilla approached, they moved to stand in front of the door. “I am Havel the Rock, General to Gwyn, Lord of Sunlight. And I demand that these doors be opened!” The golems heads turned downwards to look at Havel, who raised his own to stare back at them. After a moment, they slammed the butts of their halberds into the cobble path twice and the large doors began to creak open.

They walked inside, two larger sentinels standing to either side of the long hallway. Priscilla finally put Valkyrie down and walked forward to stand next to Havel. Valkyrie turned and shouted “Huginn!” she turned back, ”Huginn should be here soon for you Priscilla, whatever Havel wants us to do probably is extremely unsafe so you don’t have to come with us.”

Priscilla nodded her head in thanks, “I appreciate the gesture, but I wish to visit the giant blacksmith first if that is alright with you both?”

“I’ve got no problem with it,” Havel replied. As Priscilla walked off, Valkyrie reached into a pouch, pulling out the black orb. “What’s that?”

“Ah...Sad Guy gave it to me, said the Bonfire went out and he found this in the Fire Keeper’s bloody robes and that Lautrec was missing.” said Valkyrie as she inspected the shaking orb.

“What?” Havel held out his hand, gesturing for the orb. She handed it to him and he felt it gently vibrating, almost alive in his hands. He gripped the orb, feeling some anger. He suddenly felt as if his very being was being pulled to another world and when he looked around, everything was suddenly dark, his own body blue. Ahead, he saw Lautrec conversing with two men who were glowing white, phantoms, one obviously a sorcerer, the other looking to be a soldier with a pike and shield.

As Havel approached, Lautrec noticed him, chuckling. “Well, look at that. We have a visitor,” he said, his companions turning to look at Havel. “I had assumed, from our brief meeting, that you were an intelligent man, Havel. Have you come to join the party?”

“Her soul. Where is it?” Havel’s voice was like iron, unyielding and unbreaking. He knew the importance of the bonfires and of the hardships that most keepers were forced to go through. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together after Valkyrie explained where she had received the orb and mentioned a dead bonfire keeper and Lautrec suddenly missing.

“Mmm. Perhaps I was wrong, then. Fellows?” Lautrec’s companions advanced on Havel, smiling.

Havel never slowed down. He grabbed the pikeman by the throat as soon as he was in range, using his body to block the soul arrows and heavy soul arrows from the sorcerer. The pikeman dropped his shield and pike, trying to desperately to pry Havel’s fingers from his throat, wincing every time a sorcery landed. Havel, in the meantime, had stopped just long enough to pick the pike up, dragging it behind him. When he was close to the sorcerer, he threw the pikeman at him, knocking him down. Havel grabbed the pike and rammed it into the men’s chests, impaling them at the same time. They disappeared in a flurry of particles, sent back to their own worlds.

“So you took out my companions,” Lautrec noted as Havel continued walking towards him. He drew out two blades that were curved like a crescent moon, holding the shotels low. “But you will find that I will be much more challenging.”

“I very much doubt that,” Havel said, still never slowing down or stopping. Lautrec gave a yell of anger at that statement, swinging at Havel, who lifted his left hand to stop Lautrec’s right forearm. “You made the mistake of getting within arm’s reach of me. The last group foolish enough to do so are dead, lying in a gutter in Lower Undead Burg.” Lautrec swung with his left hand, but Havel stopped that forearm with his right wrist. He kicked at Lautrec’s stomach, knocking the wind from him. “Give me her soul. Now.” Havel’s words weren’t a question. They weren’t a suggestion or even a statement. They were a command. A command that would be followed, lest Lautrec enrage him further. Lautrec’s retort was to growl. Havel’s reply was a straight jab that dented the faceplate Lautrec’s helmet. His next punch, with his left fist, hit his shoulder armor, denting it as well and causing Lautrec to drop his right shotel. “Make your choice, Lautrec. I haven’t got all day.”

Lautrec ripped his helmet off, revealing flat, silver hair that ran past his ears, his complexion pale. He spit out a gob of blood, snarling at Havel. “Bah! You run around in the armor of a legend, pretending to be Havel the Rock,” he said, “but you’re just a pathetic impostor, trying to ride on the shoulder of a giant!”

“Fake or not,” Havel replied, his voice still even, “I can and I _will_ kill you, Lautrec. This is your last chance. You will give me the firekeeper’s soul. Or I will take it from you. There is no third option. There is no free pass. Option A. Or Option B.” Havel took one more step forward, grabbing Lautrec’s throat and lifting him up, Lautrec’s toes just brushing the ground now. Havel brought him close enough to stare through the slits in his helm, putting Lautrec eye level with himself. Lautrec stared at him for a moment, but soon enough, he looked away, grimacing. Havel put him down and Lautrec pulled a firekeeper’s soul from his own Darksign, handing it to Havel. Havel gently took it, taking care to not crush it as he placed it into his own Darksign. “Now. You’re going to listen very carefully. I now have a job for you, Lautrec. I’ll tell you about it once we get back to Firelink. You’re going to head back there and you’re going to guard the keeper’s abode. If anyone approaches you, ignore them. If they prod you, then wait by the elevator further down. If you aren’t at either of those two places, then I will hunt you down and finish what I had originally intended to start. Is that clear?” Lautrec stared at him. “Is. That. Clear?”

Lautrec gulped and with a nod and shaky voice, replied, “Yes, sir.”

Havel nodded his head. “Smart man. Now, I’m going to leave. And you’re going to head back. Right?” Lautrec nodded as Havel’s phantom body began to fade from sight. He once more found himself standing beside Valkyrie, the black orb gone, the light shining into the hallway once again.

“So...Priscilla brutally murdered that silver knight up on the stairs,” Valkyrie told Havel, “Kinda glad we didn’t fight her. That scythe is scary. Oh, and she can turn invisible.”

“Oh. I see,” Havel replied. He walked towards the stairs at the end of a hall, noting the fog gate at the top.

“So...what? Do we just stroll right in? No strategy to fight the obvious actually big baddy that's going to be behind this gate?” Valkyrie questioned.

“Well, gee, what makes you think there’s going to be something behind _this_ fog gate?”

She deadpanned at him, “There has been something that has tried to smash us behind every foggy gate we have crossed.” She stopped, quickly adding, “Besides Priscilla, she doesn’t count because she is fluffy.”

“Let’s just go,” Havel sighed, pulling his shield to the ready as he stepped through the gate.

She readied her wand and her flame, “Ha~ I guess yah gotta keep the Burny Hand strong.”

**LINE BREAK! “BOOOOOOOOSS” FIGHT!**

“Hmph, another amateur,” Ornstein snorted as he heard the sound of someone passing through the fog gate. He stepped to the railing, looking down. “Huh. This one’s wearin’ armor similar to Havel’s.”

“Ornstein? Is that you?!” the figure called up, waving to Ornstein.

“He...even sounds like him…”

“Holy shit, it is! How’ve ya been, Sparky?!”

“Oh...oh dear Gwyn…” He saw Smough raise his hammer, ready to squash the newcomer and his red headed companion. “Smough, don’t attack, _don’t attack!”_ he yelled towards his fellow bodyguard. But he was too late, as Smough’s hammer ‘clanged’ off of Havel’s shield. Ornstein palmed his helmet, groaning. “Well, shit. There goes the rookie.”

“Oh, so you’re Smough,” Havel said, pulling out the greataxe he had gotten from the Gaping Dragon. “I’ve heard a lot about you. And I don’t much like you.” Havel put his shield away, hefting the axe in both hands. “Now, how about I show you what kind of destruction can be caused with a hammer?” And with that, Havel threw the greataxe at Smough, knocking him back, denting his torso armor.

“ **SOUL SPEAR**!” shouted Valkyrie, a blazing blue projectile the same size as a dragon-slayer arrow. All but Valkyrie were awed when it punched clean through Smough’s right shoulder, armor and all.

“When the fuck did you learn that?!” Havel asked, staring at Valkyrie.

She gave him a mad grin, twinkle in her eye, “Logan taught it to me when I went back to Firelink!”

“Wait, that’s what took you so long? You were learning new sorceries?!”

“Not my-” she cut off, focusing once more, “ **SOUL SPEAR**!” and sent another one soaring at Smough who had tried to take advantage of Havel’s distracted state, this one cutting a chunk out of the obnoxious helmet he wore. She turned back to Havel, “it wasn’t my original plan but it was so worth it!”

Havel’s tooth was thrown at Smough’s helmet, knocking him back over, Havel walking over to pick his tooth back up. “If I’d known that you were going to just forgot about me, I’d have gone back to Firelink myself.”

“I-” she paused again, this time to throw a Chaos Fireball right into his face, lava dripping in through the gaping hole in the helmet, causing Smough to flail and scream, “I wasn’t trying to, but it just...happened!” She concentrated once more and with a shout of “ **SOUL SPEAR**!” she sent a final soul spear through his left knee sending Smough crashing down onto his hand and knees in agony.

“You know, you probably would have been a good addition to the knights, Smough,” Havel commented as he raised his dragontooth over his head, “if not for your issues. Disrespectful to those in authority, a sore loser _and_ winner. And a cannibal. On second thought, nevermind. You’d have made a shit knight.” He slammed the tooth down onto his head, crushing it into the floor. He picked his tooth up, nodding to himself as he slung the dragontooth on his back. “So, Ornstein,” he called up.

“Go right on through,” Ornstein called down, pointing to one of the side elevators. He watched as Havel and Valkyrie stepped onto the elevator and they soon appeared on his level. Ornstein stood off to the side, nodding to Havel. “Long time, no see.”

“Suppose it has been,” Havel said, chuckling.

“Princess Gwynevere is right through there.” Ornstein nodded to the large doors past the bonfire.

“Little Gwynevere, huh?” Havel walked to the doors, slowly pushing them open, leaving Valkyrie with Ornstein.

“So…” she began, “You know Havel?”

“Most terrifying drill instructor I’ve ever met,” Ornstein said, shuddering. “But also one of the most loyal friends and comrade you could ever ask for.”

“Ah…” she looked down at the mutilated corpse of Smough, “sorry ‘bout your friend.”

“I wouldn’t really call him a friend,” Ornstein shrugged. “More of an acquaintance. He was kind of an ass. But after the rest of the Four Knights disappeared, I was put on guard duty with him. Not much of a choice.”

At that moment, Anor Londo went dark and a yell of, “Gwyndolin!” rattled through the keep.

“Ah, fuck…” Ornstein shifted nervously from foot to foot as Havel stomped out of the chamber, aiming for Ornstein. “Havel,” Ornstein began, but stopped as Havel interrupted him.

“The boy. Where is he?” Havel asked.

Ornstein gulped before straightening up, doing his best to keep his eyes on where Havel’s own would be. “I can’t tell you that, Havel.”

“Oh, you _will_ tell me where Gwyndolin is, Ornstein,” Havel said, his voice hard. Ornstein gulped once more. Though Havel was shorter than him, it was by only a few inches, but those few inches meant nothing to Havel. “That’s an order, soldier.”

Ornstein straightened up as Havel’s tone changed one of complete authority. “Sir. He’s down by Lord Gwyn’s tomb.” Ornstein remained at attention.

“Where is the tomb?”

“The walkway has one more lower level to go, sir. Simply rotate the mechanism.”

“Good. As of right now, you’re relieved of your guard duty, Ornstein. Leave this city. There’s nothing left for you here. There hasn’t been for centuries.” Havel turned away and walked to the elevator, Valkyrie following soon after him, a look of rage on her face, Ornstein staying behind, trying to process Havel’s last statement. As they made their way to the walkway turned elevator, they saw two men in armor standing in front of the entrance to the hall.

“Halt! In the name of the Dark Sun, you shall be executed for your crimes!” The one of the left said, both of them readying their weapons as Havel stopped walking.

Havel crossed his arms, shaking his head. “Lucky for you, you don’t have to deal with me today, fellas. Instead, you get to deal with the pissed off pyromancer behind me,” he said.

Valkyrie stormed forward, “Ever since I got here,” her hands ignited into sickly orange flame,” I have had nearly everyone try and kill me! I’ve trekked through sewers! Poisonous Swamps!  AND NOW SOME FUCKER THINKS HE CAN FAKE A SUN! **CHAOS STORM**!” and with that last declaration she slammed her hands onto the ground, when nothing happened the two stepped forward and had their world suddenly engulfed in explosions of lava and fire. Living up to its name, the explosions were taking out everything and anything, including some of the support pillars, sending them crashing down, burying the two fools. She stood back up, her heavy breathing loud and obvious in the now still air.

“You good now?” Havel asked, walking up to stand beside her, his hand on her shoulder.

She huffed a bit more, then her breaths started to slow, “Yeah, now I just want to show this guy a sun up close and personal. With my fist.”

“Then let’s move on.” As they walked down the keep’s stairs, they noticed that the sentinels had disappeared. Havel pushed the lever of the walkway and they were lowered further down, walking down the stairs as it continued to rotate. By the time they reached the bottom, the walkway had finished lowering and they walked to the door, walking into a small chamber with a bonfire in the middle. Past the bonfire was another set of stairs, leading further down.

At the bottom of the stairs was a fog gate, before it, a small carpet with four candles arranged in a box shape. “Halt!” came a voice from beyond.

Havel didn’t stop as he took off his helmet, tossing it back to Valkyrie. “Hold this for me,” he said as he pulled out his shield and held it at the ready in his left hand.

”Uff!” Valkyrie had to catch herself as the helmet was deceptively heavy.

“And away we go,” he grunted, pushing through the fog.

“This is the tomb of the Great Lord Gwyn,” the voice continued as Havel’s vision was obscured by the fog as he pushed through. “Tarnished, it shall not be, by the feet of men.” Havel was through and he began to run forward, angling his body to hide as much of it as possible behind the shield. “Thou darest?!” the voice yelled. Havel felt the impact of sorcery on his shield, but he didn’t slow down, instead choosing to speed up. Gwyndolin had shown a propensity for illusion and sorcery early in life. There had been rumors around the court that the moon had favored the young man with its power, more strongly than had been believed.

“What have you been doing in my absence, boy?” Havel scolded from behind his shield, taking a moment to peek out from the side. He saw the hallway seemed to go on forever, which meant that Gwyndolin was using his power to lengthen it. As he got closer, Gwyndolin teleported away, but not before Havel had a good look at him. He was wearing white robes and a helmet that seemed to resemble the sun, similar to Solaire’s armor depiction. And he had snakes for feet, can’t forget the snakes.

“Who are thou, to so foolishly call me ‘boy’?” Gwyndolin demanded of Havel, firing more souls arrows at him. He readied another spell to fire, believing that he was safe to teleport further away. But he didn’t expect Havel to suddenly sprint quicker as he was in the middle of casting one of his more powerful spells. Havel’s right hand came from behind the shield to grab the front of Gwyndolin’s robe, the shield dropping. Gwyndolin caught a flash of a familiar blue tattoo before Havel’s forehead hit his own, Gwyndolin falling to his back as he was released. He sat there, stunned for a moment, his helmet askew on his head. Finally, he blurt out, “Did you just _headbutt_ me?!”

“Yes, I did,” Havel answered calmly, his hand at his side. “And I feel a lot better now!”

“But you’re dead!” Gwyndolin yelled, finally recognizing the face of one of his father’s closest friends.

“I got better,” Havel said, laughing at Gwyndolin’s stunned expression. “Huh. I came in here, wanting to pound you for that illusion, but...I’m actually glad to see that you’re still alive, boy. But I’d still like to know what that was about. And why there’s a tomb for Gwyn.”

“Father left long ago, when the flame began to die out,” Gwyndolin answered. “We all assumed him to have died. And Gwynevere left soon after, wedding Flann, the god of flame. I know not where she is, nor if she still lives.”

“And you took it upon yourself to keep Anor Londo going,” Havel guessed, nodding his head. “I see...well. No helping it, then. Drop the spell. I’d like to see the tomb. And, uh...there’s a woman at the gate. You will want to apologize to her. Profusely.”

“Why should I bow to a mortal?” Gwyndolin asked as he stood back up.

“Because she’ll burn your face off. She didn’t take to kindly to the realization that the sun over Anor Londo was fake. And it’s the polite thing to do. I know I managed to instill basic manners in you when I watched you and your sister.” Havel ended the statement with his arms crossed, his expression one of a parent to a child who had been caught making trouble. Gwyndolin wilted as the spell was undone, before nodding meekly.

“I shall apologize to your companion, then,” Gwyndolin said, leading Havel down the hall as the fog disappeared.

**LINE BREAK!@LINEBREAK.COM**

Valkyrie was pissed, first the sun turns out to be fake and then Havel basically tells her to stay back by throwing his helmet at her. She narrowed her eye, she was going to pelt the first person to exit that gate with the helmet, she really hoped it would be Havel. As the gate began to disappear, she saw a figure moving just past it. She reared the helmet back and hurled it right at the person’s face as hard as she could.

Gwyndolin fell back as the helmet bounced off of his face, Havel catching it as it fell. He put it back on, commenting, “Good shot. Glad Gwyndolin went first.” He helped Gwyndolin onto his snake feet. “Valkyrie, this is Gwyndolin. Gwyndolin, this is the pissed off pyromancer who will burn your face off if you don’t apologize. Quickly.”

Gwyndolin glanced at Havel, who was giving him a stern look, and then to Valkyrie, whose eyes were telling him all the ways one could die by fire. He bowed slightly at the waist to her, saying, “I deeply apologize, ma'am, it was not meant to be a trick in a harmful way but rather a reassurance to the people that the gods have not left them.”

Valkyrie glared at him but then looked away as her anger quickly faded, losing its fuel, “Hrmph, whatever, Solaire is going to be the most disappointed though.”

“I wonder how Solaire’s doing,” Havel said offhandedly. “On another note, Gwyndolin, the city has been abandoned. It looks like it has been for centuries.”

“What?” Gwyndolin gasped.

“The city is abandoned, Gwyndolin. There is something of a small community beginning to gather at the Firelink Shrine. You are welcome to go there if you wish. But you should leave this city. There is no point in you staying to watch over a dead city.”

Gwyndolin nodded in understanding, still reeling a bit in shock. “I...then I have stayed here for nothing,” he said, slowly following Havel and Valkyrie towards the elevator that they first took upon reaching Anor Londo. “Perhaps I shall head to the shrine, then.”

“Alright, then. If you are there, then avoid a man in gold armor. His name is Lautrec. You are not to go anywhere near him,” Havel said as they stopped in front of a thin set of stairs leading to a bonfire.

“Then, I shall go and collect my Knightess. I can’t just leave her.” Gwyndolin bowed to Havel and Valkyrie. “Thank you, Havel. I hope to see you again, soon. And, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re not dead.”

Havel bowed hack and watched as Gwyndolin walked...slithered...moved away from them. He then turned to the right, heading towards a large building. “Come on. We’re going to check on the archives before we go back to Firelink,” he motioned Valkyrie to follow him, walking past three sentinels, going up a set of stairs that led to dirt path. That dirt path ended at a marble opening flanked by columns and inside, they could see another armored boar. “More pigs.” Havel walked forward, readying himself for the boar’s charge. He didn’t have to wait long, as the boar ran at him, squealing in anger. Havel grabbed the tusks, just as he had in the Parish, and flipped the boar. Turning the corner, they walked down the hall, reaching the final corner. As Havel turned it, he was knocked into the wall, a second boar snorting at him. Havel pulled himself out of the wall and punched the boar’s snout, eliciting a squeal of pain. He then flipped it, pushing it into the wall and walking on to an elevator, ignoring the bonfire to the left.

“So… he had snakes for feet.” Valkyrie commented.

“Yes, he did,” Havel agreed, pulling on the elevator’s large lever. It swiftly rose towards the archive’s foyer. “That’s a bit new. Pretty sure he had actual human legs, last I saw him. I wonder what happened.” When the elevator stopped, they were charged by a golem made of crystal, Havel pushing Valkyrie to the side as its fist slammed into the elevator’s floor between them. Havel pulled out his dragontooth, getting ready to smash its side. The soul arrow that Valkyrie cast at the golem harmlessly deflected off its crystal surface and dissipated doing nothing. “So, for future note, sorceries don’t work on these things,” Havel said, slamming the dragontooth onto the creature, cracking its crystal exterior. He continued to slam it over and over, reducing it to a pile of crystalline shards. A broken pendant was among the pile. Havel quickly pulled the lever again, the elevator lowering. “Okay, we’ll check this place later,” he said, leaning against the lever. “I’m not in the mood to deal with Seath’s experiments. Especially not after seeing that painted world.”

“Ohh Shiny!” she bent down and picked up the pendant, “Aww Havel, you broke it!” Havel shrugged, stepping off the elevator at the bottom. They made their way back outside and Valkyrie called for Huginn.

**#LINEBREAK**

As Huginn dropped Havel and Valkyrie back at the remains of the Firelink Shrine bonfire, Sad Guy looked up at them. “Why is he back here?” he hissed at Havel.

“Because I ordered him here,” Havel replied, walking towards the stairs that led to the cell of Firelink’s keeper. Lautrec sat across from it, looking up as Havel approached. “Good. I didn’t want to waste time hunting you down.” He kneeled by the cage, looking at the body. He pulled out the soul that Lautrec had handed him, gently maneuvering it over her chest and pushing it in. At the halfway mark, it moved without Havel’s help, her body glowing gently before she sat up, gasping for breath.

“What-” she began, before clapping a hand over her mouth, her eyes fearful. She felt her legs, eyes widening as she realized that they were no longer broken, just as her tongue had been restored. She looked at Havel, slowly removing her hand, but quickly looked back at the ground. “Th-thank you,” she whispered. “I am Anastacia of Astora...I can now continue my duty as Firekeeper...but I only hope, that this impure tongue has not offended.”

“You need not worry, Anastacia,” Havel replied gently, giving her a smile behind his helmet. “No offense has been taken. There is no need for you to fear speaking to me.” He stood up and turned to Lautrec, leaving Anastacia alone for the time being. “As for you. The job I mentioned before. You are curious, yes?”

“I am indeed,” Lautrec replied, standing up.

“Good. Do you know any miracles?”

“I know a basic healing miracle, as well as the lightning spear. Why do you ask?” Lautrec was curious.

“Because there is an old friend of mine who I can’t help currently. She needs the help of humanity to dull her pain and heal herself. But miracles would no doubt greatly assist in the process, or at least ease her suffering. You will find her in Blighttown, in Quelaag’s domain. I suggest that when you enter, you have your hands up.”

“Why?” Lautrec was now suspicious of this.

“Because her sisters are pyromancers. As is Laurentius, who should already be there with them,” Havel replied, crossing his arms.

“And if I don’t go?”

“Then I’ll be claiming your ring and armor as a trophy.”

“Right then.” With that, Lautrec began walking to the elevators that would lead to Blighttown.

“Mind the handholds on your way down,” Havel called after him, turning to look at Anastacia, before walking back up the stairs, to hear Sad Guy complaining about something.

“The damn thing is smelly, it snores, and its breath is lethal,” he was saying to Valkyrie. He sighed. “I just may have to do something about it.”

“What’s wrong?” Havel asked as he walked up.

Sad Guy pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. “There’s something back in there now. But I don’t know what. Looks like a serpent of some kind.”

“A serpent?” Havel walked up the stairs, his steps slowing as he heard something gnashing. When he walked into the structure, he saw a large green serpent with what looked like a mustache, its large, blocky teeth gnashing against each other. “Oh, no, not you!”

Frampt stared at Havel in horror. “That’s not possible! You’re supposed to be dead!”

“Everyone keeps saying that!” Havel stared at the kingseeker, shaking his head. “No...no, I am not dealing with you. I didn’t like you back then and I don’t like you now!”

“The feeling is mutual, I assure,” Frampt replied, gnashing his teeth. “I am here to meet with the Chosen Undead, who has rung the Bells of Awakening.”

“Oh...actually, that was me and a lass named Valkyrie,” Havel said.

“Oh...oh, my...well, uh...I guess you should go get the Lordvessel, then.”

“Already done. Can’t believe they still have this fucking thing,” Havel pulled out a large golden bowl, looking at it.

“...What about the Lord Souls?”

“Come again?”

“The Lord Souls. They need to be gathered…”

“Oh, is that what’s going on here? Get the souls, put them in the bowl, and then go to the kiln?”

“Er, pretty much…”

“Oh. Well, if that’s the case, your services are no longer required, Kingseeker Frampt,” Havel said as he pulled out his dragontooth. “Valkyrie. Fireball.” Valkyrie stepped out from behind Havel, having followed him up the stairs, a grin on her face and a fireball in her hand. She launched it at Frampt, hitting him square in the nose, causing him to yelp. He quickly ducked into his hole, Havel’s swing just missing him. “Damn. Hope that’s the last we see of that damned snake.” He walked back down the stairs, nodding to Sad Guy. “Problem solved.”

“Really, now?” Sad Guy asked, perking up a bit.

“Go check, if you want.” Havel sat down at the bonfire, staring into its flames, slowly relaxing once more. Valkyrie walked off to converse with those around the shrine.

**CHAPTER MOTHERFUCKING END**

**THIS IS A GUDDAMN A/N BY YOUR LOVEABLE SNEAKYDEVIL**

**I HATE FINALS. THAT IS ALL.**

**Max: Aw, it’s not that bad.**

**I HAVE 2 HOURS OF SLEEP AND ITS BEEN THREE DAYS**

**Max: Well, take some fucking Nyquil.**

**CANT HAVE AN EXAM IN FEW HOURS AND ANOTHER ONE AND ANOTHER ONE**

**Max: Well, while Sneaky goes to lament his life, thanks for reading this far. Have some omakes.**

**MY EYES CRY TEARS OF HATE**

Edit: Only minor changes, so huzzah?

**Omakes**

**Mou**

“Right, Laag, because all those cookies that suddenly disappeared had nothing to do with you.” Quelaana rolled her eyes.

Havel raised his hand, clearing his throat a bit. “Actually, that was me.”

Quelaag turned to Havel and pouted, “Mou~, Havel I wanted those!”

Havel stared at her. “Where the fuck are you girls learning these words?”

She puffed out her cheeks, face red with anger, and began to slap her hands at Havel, ”Havel, you big meanie!”

Havel stared at her in shock. “I...what?”

**Training Montage**

Valkyrie looked at the bickering sisters and smiled, before giving a more sinister looking one, to Havel at least, directed at him. “Now I think it would be best for your senior to come along and…observe.”

Fireballs! Fireballs as far as the eye could see! And explosions galore! Not much else to pyromancy training, really. Thought the evil cackling from both Valkyrie and Eingyi set Havel off a bit.

**Off into the Sunset**

With that done, Havel and Valkyrie walked down to begin wading their way back towards the elevator that would lead them towards Firelink. As they continued on, the sun began to set, the waves crashing against the rocks.

“...When did we get a beach?” Quelaag asked, confused.

“And how is the sun setting? We’re underground,” Quelaana added, further adding to the confusion.

“Wait, the sun is still a thing?”

**Sen’s Burning Funhouse**

Valkyrie was bored, all she  did was fire off the occasional Great Heavy Soul Arrow at the odd snake people as she watched Havel bring down axe after swinging axe, and they were only on the first floor!. “Sigh~ Booringgg~” She perked up as an idea popped into her head, she quickly dashed ahead, dodging snakemen and axe alike. She was on the final axe at the very top when she missed her dash and ran right into the oncoming swing. “Opfh!” She went sailing down, where her body was caught on a swinging axe from the third level, which flung her down to the second level, where it repeated again, and again with the first level. Finally, she flopped off the final axe and landed straight in between the prongs on the Titanite Demon’s Spear. “Owwwww~”

Havel looked down, amazed that she managed to hit an axe every level on the way down, “Are you okay?”

Her body twitched, “No...I think this stuff is tar…”

Havel’s eyes widened, “Valkyrie no!” Unfortunately for Havel, immediately after he said that the entire bottom floor had ignited with an enormous explosion of heat and smoke, he sighed, “Nevermind.”

**Can’t make the jump**

Valkyrie was ready. Havel had made the jump in full armor, across the broken bridge to the tower on the other side. Now it was her turn, she wasn’t nervous, after all Havel had done it.

She began to pick up speed, and just as she reached the edge, she jumped,”I can make-” her joyous shout interrupted by her face eating stone and Havel watched as she dropped like one, “Valkyrie? You alright?”

“Just...Peachy…”

**Golem Flipping**

“Well, we can go through this fog door here,” Havel said, pointing at the large door. “Or, we can see what’s just across the way.” Behind Havel, there was a small bridge leading across to a small tower. “Your choice.”

We should totally explore that place,” said Valkyrie

Havel nodded, walking across the little bridge. The room was...sparse. Just a table and a few chairs. Havel noticed a sign in the corner of the room and summoned the owner of it. A man a little taller than Havel appeared, dressed in black iron armor, holding a tower shield and greatsword. “Well, you’re a big guy,” Havel commented, inspecting the armor. “Mind helping us out with whatever’s behind that gate?”

“No problem,” the man replied, his voice deep, reverberating in his armor. “Name’s Iron Tarkus.”

“Havel. The girl is Valkyrie.” Havel lead the way back to the fog gate and they stepped through, seeing the iron golem at the end. Havel and Tarkus both ran forward, Valkyrie just finishing stepping through the fog in time to see Havel and Tarkus each grab one foot of the golem and lift. The golem was slowly lifted into the air, both men straining, before they managed to maneuver to the edge of the bridge it was guarding and dropping it, dusting off their hands. “Well, that was easy,” Havel commented, shaking Tarkus’ hand. “Thanks for the help.”

“Any time,” Tarkus replied as his phantom faded, leaving Havel and Valkyrie to stand on the platform, staring up at the ruined pathway to Anor Londo.

**Shining Finger**

“Oh, so you’re Smough,” Havel said, putting away his shield and tooth. “You know, I’ve been wanting to try something for a little while now. And you’re just perfect as a practice dummy.” He pulled out his talisman, holding it over his right hand, lightning beginning to spark from around it. “This hand of mine glows with an awesome power!” Havel clenched his fist as he put away the talisman. “Its burning grip tells me to defeat you!” He ran at Smough, kicking off of the hammer, reaching for Smough’s head. “Take this! My love, my anger, and all of my sorrow!” He gripped the helmet, holding onto Smough’s body with his left hand. “Shining Finger!” He squeezed down on the helmet, crushing it as the lightning ran through Smough’s entire being, cooking whatever lay beneath the armor. Havel jumped off as Smough’s body fell backwards, dusting his hands off as the lightning buff wore off.

**Meteor**

He watched as his feet left the ground and he ascended into the air and decided to voice the most important question, “Why the fuck are we flying?!”

“I have a new friend!” has her reply.

“I can see that! But that doesn’t answer my question!” Havel looked ahead to see the walls of Anor Londo fast approaching. “Pull up, pull up, pull up!” Huginn began to pull up, sharply, Havel grunting at the sudden change just before they would have hit the wall. When they cleared the top, he could hear Valkyrie gasp at the sight before them. Anor Londo, spread before them in all its glory, The sunlight reflecting off of stained windows and the white marble of the buildings below.

“Ah...so pretty!” Valkyrie shouted in awe.

Havel smiled under his helmet. “Yeah. It’s somethin’ else. At least I was able to see it completed, now. Huginn, drop us off at that balcony down there.”

“Screw that! Huginn up top!” The bird listened to the crazy lass riding his back and ascended

“Valkyrie! WHAT ARE WE DOING!” Shouted Havel as he began to guess her plan.

As they reached a high enough height to satisfy Valkyrie she shouted down to Havel, “Okay Havel! Heres the plan: Curl up into a ball and don’t open your eyes!

“Wait, what?!”

“DIVE, HUGINN! DIVE!”

“Don’t dive, don’t dive!”The bird ignored him and began a dead dive at the back of the Palace. As they neared the end of the dive, Huginn let got of Havel, and Havel fearing for his life, curled into a ball.

**linevsbreak**

“Bored,” Ornstein grunted, leaning against the railing up top. “Hey, Smough? Any new meat yet?”

“Nope! Nothing!” Smough called back up, sitting on his hammer.

After a moment of silence, Ornstein spoke up. “Hey, you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“It sounds kinda like...a whistling noise...and maybe something screaming.”

“Just your imagination,” Smough dismissed, waving his hand lazily.

“Yeah...yeah, you’re probably right. Startin’ to go a bit stir crazy, I guess,” Ornstein nodded, resting his chin in his hand.

“ **METEOR**!”

The roof shattered under the impact of whatever had just shot through it. Ornstein leaped back in shock, “Holy fuck! Smough, what the hell was that?”...”Smough?” Ornstein looked down to see Havel standing up in a crater of what used to be Smough.

“Gwyn damned pyromancers have not gotten any more sane in the past thousand years,” Havel grumbled.

**Invasion**

After a harrowing trek through the halls of the keep, since the gates wouldn’t open, they had eventually reached the main hall and were staring up at the windows on the top landing. “Damn. One of ‘em’s broke,” Havel noted as they were resting there.

_-XXX44420Bl4z3iTPr0XXX has invaded your world-_

“Alright, first invasion of the day!” Bl4z3iT said to himself, psyching himself up as he went to hunt the master of the world. “Gonna stomp these newbs into the ground! Whoo!” As he ran up the stairs to the landing, he saw the host, a red headed mage in robes, standing with an obvious tank build wearing full Havel gear. “Alright, goin’ for the mage!” He ran at the redhead, who lifted her hand and summoned a Great Chaos Fireball. He quickly changed his mind, moving towards the Havel build. He changed his mind once again when the Havel pulled out a Dragonslayer Greatbow and pulled back the arrow. He promptly ran back down the stairs at that, the mage throwing fire at his heels.

“The fuck was that?” he heard the Havel ask.

“Iunno! I wanna see him dance!”, she lit another fireball.

“Okay, okay, just gotta calm down. Just focus on the mage. I can rush her in midcast! No way that Havel can hit me with his bow at this range!” With his new plan chosen, he ran forward, hoping to catch the mage by surprise. Imagine his own surprise when he found himself pinned to the wall, a great arrow stuck in his gut. “Uh…” He looked up to see the mage grinning maniacally at him. “Mercy?” he whimpered. The Chaos Fireball had other ideas. As did the mage.

**Flying Boulders**

Valkyrie sat on the table, swinging her legs back and forth. Havel had dragged her along into this room and then made her wait, while he went into the fireplace, rolling through the wall for some reason. She heard him stomping his way back into the room. “Hey, Valkyrie, look!” he exclaimed, Valkyrie turning her head to look at him. He now had a spare greatshield on his right arm. He then decided to Praise the Sun, shouting “I can fly!” as he began to flap his arms.

She blinked, “What?” she then tilted her head sideways, “Ah...Havel, that doesn’t work…”

As if to refute her, he ran out the door, aiming down the hall and jumping over the railing. Flapping into the sunset.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sneaky: Thank you for making this far, it makes us feel like we are doing something right. Please feel free to leave us your opinions, comments, reviews, questions etc in the comments below.


	4. Solving a mystery...and maybe even re-writing history? WOO OH!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The part where we all remember that Valkyrie is human. And squishy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sneaky Devil:Fuck Max. He decided to go have a life.
> 
> Edit: SO yeah 4th chapter.

 

**Some Time Later, Firelink Shrine**

“Oi,” came Sad Guy’s voice, intruding on Havel’s rest. “Get up, Havel...oi!”

Havel continued to lay there, bits and pieces of his armor strewn around him, while under his head was a rolled up blanket. “Go away, Sad Guy,” Havel grumbled. “Last time someone interrupted a nap, they wound up stuck in a wall.”

Sad Guy pondered his fate for a moment, then asked, “Is this like the punching your way up a rock wall thing? Because I can make memos.”

Havel opened one eye to glare at Sad Guy. “You’re still talking. So, either you want to become familiar with the wall behind you or you’re more terrified of whatever you woke me up for than you are of me at the moment.”

_Can we go with the wall? That sounds like a good time._

He blinked, looked over at the specified wall and then back to Havel, “...Yeah, Priscilla is having a...fire-spitting barnacle issue...and I’ll take my chances with you over that barnacle you picked up.”

Havel closed his eye, sighing. “Alright. Fair enough.” He sat up, stretching his arms and popping his neck. “Got a few good hours, at least.” After standing back up and latching his armor back on, he walked over to where Priscilla was, in the spot that Rhea had once been. Griggs had told Havel that she had up and left, continuing her own journey, going down into a place Griggs referred to as the Catacombs. Petrus had gone further up the stairs near the elevators, believing it beneath his station to put up with the half breed woman.

As he reached the small clearing, he saw Priscilla sitting down, her knees drawn under her chin, pouting. She brightened a bit when she saw Havel and gave him a weak smile. “Please tell me you’re here to remove her,” she pleaded.

Havel nodded, sighing as he looked at Valkyrie, who had once again entangled herself with Priscilla’s tail. “Again, sorry about her,” he said, kneeling down once he had reached the two. “Alright, Valkyrie, time to wake up. Come on, now.”

“Munna~” she wiggled around some more before going back to sleep.

Havel rolled his eyes. Waking a pyromancer was never easy and was generally a bad idea, unless you were fireproof or had fireproof armor. “Alright, come on. Time to let go of the tail,” he said, beginning to slowly pry her arms from Priscilla’s tail. Not reacting beyond detaching one arm and raising at Havel, she didn’t give him much time to react before a blast of fire shot forth. He gave a grunt and glared at her. “Alright. You asked for this, Valkyrie.” This time, he firmly grabbed her wrists and began to apply force, slowly extending her arms straight out, making sure to aim them away from Priscilla and himself. He began to drag her back, Priscilla gathering her tail back up to hold against herself.

She began to flail about, incensed that she was removed from her favourite pillow, “Ahhhhh! Havel! I was sleeping~” She whined, still trying to turn herself around just a little bit.

Havel sighed again, keeping his grip firm. Last time he had loosened his grip on a half awake and angry pyromancer, he had lost his eyebrows, again. “And bothering Priscilla. Again. Besides, you’ve had a few hours of sleep by now. You should be fine.”

“I only drooled a little this time!” she visibly drooped, “and I’m hungry, and thirsty...and tired.”

Havel raised an eyebrow. “Just hungry, thirsty, and tired?”

She looked thoughtful for a second, “Ah...my legs hurt?”

“Look, just stop molesting Priscilla’s tail, okay? At least ask before you grab. Now, I’m gonna let you go and you can go see if anyone has food or drink. And if you even think about fireballing me or using your gods damned fwoosh, I will literally make you part of the wall.” Havel released her wrists, crossing his arms to see what she would do.

She humphed and turned to Priscilla, “Griggs probably has some food...and water, wanna go bother him for some?”

Priscilla fidgeted uncomfortably before giving in to her bodily needs, she nodded “Yes, lets. I do not think disturbing Havel any further is advisable.” With that, they both walked off to bother Griggs for food and water, _not that he really minded with it being those two._

Havel sat down in the little alley-like spot and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes to try to get another hour of sleep in. Sometime later, he opened his eyes again, hearing scuffling near him. He looked up to see it was Sad Guy again, nervously fidgeting. “Need something?” Havel asked, startling the chainmail wearing Undead.

“Um...you won’t punch me through the wall, right?” Sad Guy replied.

Havel stood up, stretching. “Nah, I’m good now. Sorry about that. I get rather grumpy when I don’t have a full nap. Doesn’t usually end well for the one interrupting a particularly good nap.” After another few seconds of stretching his legs out, he straightened up. “So?”

Sad Guy shifted nervously, “So...remember that shortcut under Firelink? Well, there are some very disturbing noises coming from the shaft, and I’ve heard Laurentius sleep talk with Griggs, anyway this stuff seems to be your ‘thing’...” he trailed off, looking expectantly at Havel.

“I’m sorry, I have a ‘thing’ now?” Havel asked.

He smiled weakly, “...Yeah? You know...we all have a thing we are known for. I sit on a rock and look depressed. Griggs sits there and...does Griggs things. Lardo perfects the douchebag performance and Lautrec perfects the Serial Killer stare, which by the way, he was getting far too good at-”

Havel held up his hand, stopping Sad Guy from continuing. “Alright, alright, I’ll go check it out. Shouldn’t be but a few minutes.”

Sad Guy looked over at Valkyrie nervously, “Could you take the nut as well? She's been pretty agitated since you woke her up and I’d rather not learn how it feels to be burnt alive, even if I have an infinite amount of them.”

“Fine,” Havel said, giving a half hearted yawn as he walked down the stairs, grabbing Valkyrie’s hood as he passed by. “Let’s go, you.” He held her out in front of him, making his way down to the New Londo ruins elevator.

“Ah...see you later!” She waved as she was dragged off to parts unknown by the boulder.

As they stepped off of the elevator a moment later, Havel looked around, ignoring the Hollows leaning and laying down, some sitting against walls, others beating their heads or hands on the ground.

“This...is actually kinda sad...” Valkyrie trailed off, looking at them.

Havel nodded as they continued walking down the stairs. “A fate that is worse than death. To live on as a mindless drone, either hunting for humanity or to sit and rot for eternity.” Once they had reached the bottom of the first flight, Havel looked around. “Strange...Sad Guy said he heard something down here, but I don’t hear a thing. What about you, Val?...Valkyrie?” Havel Looked around trying to spot her.

“Ah...Hello there, why are you behind bars?” the question coming from near the ledge.

Havel walked over to the ledge and saw there was another flight of stairs ending in a drop. Valkyrie was near this drop, standing in front of a set of bars. “Valkyrie, what are you doing down here?” he asked, walking down to join her. He looked at the bars and was somewhat surprised to see a young man sitting behind them, dressed in black robes similar to what Griggs wore, a hat on his head. There was gold tracing on both his hat and coat, his gloves a dark brown.

The man behind the bars groaned as Havel strode into view, dropping his head into his hands. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!” he moaned from behind his hands. “The school troublemaker is one thing, but now that monster from the tower is here, too!”  

“Oh? You’re from Vinheim Dragon School of Sorcery and Mystery!?” she said excitedly, then jumped subjects, “What are you doing in there?”

“Because it’s safe in here! I can’t bear the thought of Hollowing out there,” the young man replied, shaking his head in misery, sighing. “But, I have very little with which to occupy myself. Not very forward thinking on my part.” He perked up a bit, an idea coming to him. “You know, I could show you what made me the best mage smith at Vinheim. Let me forge your weapons! I don’t have many tools, but what I do have is more than sufficient!”

“Oh! I think I remember you...sorta. You were the apprentice to the weird old guy right?”

“Boy, that really narrows it down, doesn’t it?” he replied, sarcasm dripping in his tone.

“Hmph, be that way.” she turned to Havel, “I’m going to go poke Hollows with a stick.” And with that, she walked away.

Havel watched her go and turned back to the Undead student. “Well, you know our names or at least who we are. What’s your name?” Havel asked him.

“Rickert. You know, for a Hollowed monster, you are surprisingly civil,” the now named Rickert replied.

“I’d very much appreciate it if you’d refer to me as ‘Havel’ and not ‘monster.’” Havel looked at the bars. “So. Safer in there, huh?”

“ _Much_ safer,” Rickert nodded. “Er...Havel.” He sounded as though he was unsure of the name, as though he was forgetting a lesson learned long ago in Vinheim.

“Not much room to dodge a sword or arrow, though. Or a spear, for that matter,” Havel noted, Rickert’s face paling as he realized that Havel was right.

“Oh...oh gods, I hadn’t even considered that,” he said shakily, feeling as though he were going to vomit from the mere thought of it.

Havel nodded, about to start ticking off more things that could go wrong in the self imposed imprisonment, but decided not to as Rickert was now almost as white as a bed sheet. “Right, uh...well...you could always head up to the Firelink Shrine. It’s relatively safe there. No Hollows, at least,” Havel suggested.

_Thud_

“AHH! HAVELLLLL! I MESSED UP! GURK-!” a panicked shout echoed out.

They looked at each other and sighed, “Not again…” Then Havel realized that this was the first time he’d ever heard legitimate panic in Valkyrie’s voice. He ran up the stairs to see a figure in all black armor and a skull-like helmet holding Valkyrie by her throat, her feet kicking the air.

“Drop her!” Havel roared as he tackled the newcomer, startling the being enough for him to drop Valkyrie onto her rear, while he and Havel ended up on the ground. Havel took a swing at the being’s face, striking hard, but it didn’t seem to do much to the figure. In fact, the figure managed to knock Havel off of itself, slowly standing up and brandishing the sword in its right hand that Havel had finally taken notice of.

“Ah, fuck, a Darkwraith?! Really?!” Rickert’s voice came from behind Havel. Rickert had apparently rushed out of his prison to see what was going on and was already starting to regret it. He was kneeling beside Valkyrie, who was rubbing at her throat.

“Ohh...I feel weird...”she held her head, eyes unfocused.

“The fuck is a Darkwraith?” Havel asked Rickert as he backed up a bit, the Darkwraith slowly stalking forward.

“A member of the Darkwraith Covenant. They can steal Humanity from others,” Rickert explained, looking at Havel’s back. “We need to get out of here, now!”

“And do what, lead him back to a veritable feeding ground of Humanity?” Havel spat back. He wasn’t sure why, but he was wary of this Darkwraith. There was an aura around this being in front of him. Havel realized what it was; the creature smelled of and felt like death itself. He pulled out a silver sword from his darksign, holding it in front of him. The creature stepped forward again and Havel’s sword tip pointed at its chest. “Not a step closer, creature.” The creature actually stopped and seemed to be observing Havel, as if trying to decided if he was a threat or not.

“Now _really_ isn’t the time for heroics, Havel,” Rickert said, now standing and propping Valkyrie up a bit. “We can’t just fight one of these things!”

“But that’s exactly what I plan to do,” Havel replied, stepping forward and taking a slash at the Darkwraith. The wraith countered the slash, knocking Havel’s blade to the side. Havel quickly withdrew his blade, only just catching the blade of his opponent on his own. He parried and stepped back, now defensive. This time around, the Darkwraith took the initiative, smashing its blade down onto Havel’s, almost like it was trying to break Havel’s sword. Havel met the Darkwraith blow for blow, surprised at the amount of strength the creature was putting into its strikes.  Soon enough, their blades were in deadlock. Havel didn’t noticed the creature’s left hand reaching his neck, but felt it soon enough. He could feel... _something_ being drawn towards the hand, weakening him. He found his breath coming in short gasps and he dropped his sword, gripping the Darkwraith’s wrist in desperation.

The creature simply tilted its head in curiosity. It had never met a being that could resist the Darkhand as strongly as this human currently was. The human couldn’t resist it in its entirety, but it was putting up a surprisingly strong fight regardless. Paying it no mind, it began to move its head forward, intent on feeding on the Humanity that was now gathering in the human’s throat.

Havel wasn’t sure why, but when he saw the creature moving its head toward his neck, he let go of the creature’s wrist with his right hand, using that hand to hold its head back. His left remained clamped down on the wrist, applying as much pressure as it could, the armor on the creature’s wrist trying to resist, but very slowly losing.

**Meanwhile with Valkyrie**

Rickert steadied Valkyrie as she swayed back and forth, staring unfocused at the hand. Suddenly, her eyes snapped to focus and her swaying ceased, while said hand began to emit a sickly red glow. She turned to Rickert, “You should take the elevator up to Fireside now, I will take care of this.”

She strode towards the two wrestling figures with even strides, determination etched on her face, waiting for the moment when she could attack. The second Havel grabbed its head, she rushed in, and slammed her hands on the creature’s back.

The Darkwraith faltered in shock at the foreign feeling, before beginning to feel confusion at the increasing heat inside of it. Then it shuddered violently and with a keening wail its chest exploded in a fury of molten metal and lava. Havel dropped the now dead husk of soft metal suit, holding his throat gently and rasping a bit, small droplets of lava cooling on his armor. Valkyrie calmly looked at the remains of the mutilated Darkwraith, “Hrmm, so it _is_ possible to inject uncontrolled flame into a living being.”

After a few seconds, Havel was able to find his voice again, breathing regularly once again. “Yes, well, as fascinating as that was, I’d rather we not have to repeat it,” he replied, kneeling down to inspect the cooling corpse. “And for future note, please, don’t do that to a human.”

She looked at him oddly, eyebrow raised, “I make no promises, it may be necessary, and useful, to know and do in the future.” She started walking back towards the elevator before stopping and looking over her shoulder back at Havel and said, “Now come along, she needs rest and food after this,” before continuing to walk towards the elevator.

Havel looked at Valkyrie, noting the sudden use of third person and the complete one eighty in her personality. He shook his head, deciding to wait until later before he talked to Valkyrie about her seemingly split personality. Looking back to the Darkwraith, he reached a hand out to touch it, suddenly recoiling with a hiss. “The fuck?” he stared at his hand, wisps of dark red energy rising from it before abruptly disappearing. He clenched his fist and then unclenched it, repeating the motion a few times as he stood up to follow Valkyrie back to the elevator.

**LOADING….Firelink Shrine….**

The ride up the elevator was silent, and somewhat awkward for Havel, as Valkyrie remained stoic and quiet. “So...you, uh...still feeling a bit…” Havel looked at Valkyrie. “Are you okay? At all? Because this seems rather unusual for you.”

Without glancing at him she answered, “I don’t know how she usually acts. Normally I wouldn’t be out for so long but whatever that creature did has sent her into a dazed state.”

“Uh...come again?”

She tilted her head to look over at Havel, giving him a flat stare, “The one you call Valkyrie is unconscious. I was not.”

Havel stared at the red head, edging away from her as the elevator reached the top of the shaft. “Alright, let’s pretend that I don’t know what you’re talking about. And that you’re going to explain it right now.”

The edges of her lips quirked up, “I would like to know as well…”she trailed off. This time she showed a visible frown, “I know very little; what I do know is nothing you haven't mostly already seen. However, you must keep her supplied with Humanity. The more active she, and by such I, is the faster it is consumed.” She turned to Havel with a serious look in her eyes as well, “You’ve seen what happens when her Humanity starts to run out, how scatterbrained she was.”

Havel looked at her, slowly nodding in understanding. “So, her mental state is tied to her Humanity? Which isn’t necessarily rare, but still.” He stepped a bit closer this time, staring into this new personality’s eyes. “But, that being the case, who’s the real Valkyrie? Is it you or the one who I’ve been traveling with?”

She shrugged, “Neither? Both? We, she, is not who she once was. Stranded alone on a rock and your only contact is insane patients that were given up on? Haunted by the few memories she had left? Taunted with things she can no longer achieve?” She shook her head, “You never met the real ‘Valkyrie’, only whats left.”

Havel pulled his helmet off, scratching the back of his head as he stared at the ground. With a sigh, he said, “I suppose it wouldn’t be that easy. Nothing is ever actually easy in my life. Alright, then. Guess it’s time for another break for her...er, you.”

She looked thoughtful for a second, “I think not, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll pass out now.” And with that, she crumpled.

“Gods fucking damn it,” he grumbled, bending down to pick her up.

**LOADED….Firelink Shrine….**

“Guh, being human sucks,” Valkyrie moaned. She shook her head as she pushed herself up to clear up the haze that muddled her brain. Looking around she spotted Havel relaxing near Sad Guy. She tried to stand up to join them but as she did so her balance suddenly skewed and she collapsed once more. “Urggh...I feel funny.” she complained as she nursed the arm she fell on.

_You know, you still have a Humanity in your pouch._

She blinked, “Ah..? That is what that is?” she thought for a second then shrugged before flipping herself over and rooting through her pouches for said entity. “Ha!” she held it up in jubilation before a confused look came over her face. “How do I use it?”

_Sigh...wait, this is actually my job! Ahem. Humanity is fou-_

“Yeah, yeah, how do I use it?” she waved her hands dismissively.

_...just burn it._

“Ah, you could have just said that,” Valkyrie stated as with a flick of her wrist she set the Humanity floating in her palm aflame, it burned a bright orange for a moment before popping. Valkyrie shot to full alert at the steady rush of energy flowing into her, her wounds and ailment erased. She took a deep breath and stood up up, stretching, “Ah...much better.” She looked around from her position next to the bonfire, everyone was laying about or chatting with others, Firelink Shrine had become quite the little hub in the week she had been here, adventuring with Havel.

She wandered on over to the inlet that Griggs and Logan called home, as she neared she caught the ending of an explanation from Logan about a current theory of his, “...and such I believe that the similarities between Humanity and Soul is enough that if I can imitate the method which  shards of Humanity crystalize that I will be able to increase the power of any soul created weapon by nearly twofold!” he exclaimed the last part with glee evident on his face, he turned to Valkyrie with a smile , “There you are, child, I must thank you again for freeing me, but I fear I must depart soon. The Duke’s Archives, and the knowledge held within, is too great of a prize to give up on.”

Taken by surprise from Logan’s currently animated mood, Valkyrie stopped, tilted her head confusedly, and blinked, “Ah...okay?” The silence continued between the two of them for a second, then Valkyrie remembered why she had come over to them to begin with, “Ah...! We found a strange amulet in the archives, it was imbedded in this big crystal guy! All my sorceries just bounced off him,”she finished with a harrumph.

Logan looked very much interested at that comment, “Oh? You have been to the archives?”

She shook her head, “Not really, we took the elevator up but that crystal guy was all like ‘Rah Rah!’ and tried to smash me, but it’s okay! Havel went all ‘Rah Rah!’ and smashed him! Then I found this amulet,” she pulled out the amulet showing it to Logan and Griggs, both observing it critically.

It was Griggs that commented first, “That looks to be of Oolacile origin.” At the questioning gaze from Valkyrie, he elaborated, “Oolacile was a major town that existed...possibly 700 years ago now. They were renown for their extensive research on the more...sophisticated use of sorcery, such as illusions. Sadly, the entirety of their knowledge was lost with their fall, to my knowledge the Vinheim Dragon School of Sorcery and Mystery! is still attempting to recreate many of the spells...with poor results.”

Logan nodded, confirming Griggs’ opinion, “Indeed, many of my colleagues have devoted the entirety of their lives to just figure out a single spell. I decided to pursue...other avenues of research.”

“Huh, does the town still exist?” Valkyrie questioned, now curious about the place.

Logan’s mouth drew into a thin line, “Unfortunately not, it is now merely ruins...filled with monsters straight out of a horror story.” With a shake of his head he took on a more downcast look, “The only people who try to breach the ruins now are suicidal fools.” Seeing the look on Valkyries face he offered one last piece of information, “However, if you truly wish to see the outermost ruins there is a route you can take from the cathedral, near the blacksmith, I believe.”

She glanced down at the amulet, now resting in her hands, “I think I should go down there, to return the amulet at least.”

Both Logan and Griggs looked at her with amusement, she had grown on them in the short time they had known her, Logan spoke up, “Good Luck with your adventure, I will be leaving in an hour or so to continue my own.”

She nodded and began to walk away, towards where Havel was, leaving them with the parting words: “Good Fun, Have Luck!”

She walked over to Havel and greeted him with an out of place, overly-cheery, “Hello!”

“Well, you seem better,” Havel noted, looking up at the red headed fire thrower. “Good rest?”

She shrugged, “Not really, I think  I broke my arm.”

Havel stood up and grabbed her wrist, bringing her arm up. He then let go, watching it flop back down. He shrugged. “Eh. You’ll live.”

She nodded, “I suspected as much, I’ll let you in on a little secret of mine.” She motioned Havel to come closer.

Havel shrugged, deciding to indulge her, leaning in. “Alright, let’s hear it,” he said.

“Consuming Humanity heals you,” she whispered conspiratorially.

Havel stood up and looked at her, cocking his left eyebrow. “Uh...that’s actually pretty common knowledge, Valkyrie…”

She looked surprised, “Ah...really?” she frowned, “wait, but not everyone is a pyromancer?”

“Uh...no...you still have that, I guess,” Havel admitted.

She scrunched up her face, “But then how do people burn the Humanity then if they don’t have the fwoosh?”

“Well, you can crush it in your hands,” Havel explained. “Doesn’t take a lot of pressure to do so.”

She nodded, “Ah...I think that’s what happened to the first one. It felt...wrong and weird.” She shook her head, “Logan said that shiny amulet, _that you broke,_ was from Oolacile. He also said that we should go to a blacksmith near the cathedral to find the path to Oolacile…..and that we may have to fight uh…‘ooky spooky dark things’.”

“Uh-huh,” Havel said. “Still angry about that amulet, then. Alright, sure. Since it seems you want to go, let’s go. Always wanted to visit Oolacile...hmm...I wonder if it’s still in one piece…”

**ITS TOTALLY NOT IN ONE PIECE...I MEAN, LINE BREAK!**

The clanging of metal could be heard echoing through the ruins, corpses of slain Hollows littered the odd balcony, rotted and rusted. This was the scene that the duo walked onto, one wary, the other uncaring and eager. _I’ll give you a guess who_.

“So...there are a lot more bodies than the ones I killed last time we were here,” Havel noted.

Valkyrie tilted her head, “Ah...I don’t think Hollows are very smart…”

“Well noted.”

“Should I...clean up?” she said with a gleam in her eye and a ball of fire hovering in her hand.

Havel shrugged. “Sure, go crazy.”

The gleam only increased as she raised her other hand, now also containing a ball of fire, both steadily gaining in size. Havel suddenly regretted his phrasing as said balls reached head size, he didn’t know whether to be impressed or scared that she could casually dual-cast Grand Fireball. With a shout of exhilaration, “Grand Fireball!” she thrust out both hands and engulfed the balcony in fire. After regaining his vision , Havel witnessed the strange sight of Valkyrie cheerfully making her way forward through piles of ash and flame.

“Right. ‘Go crazy’ shall now henceforth be used in only the most dire of circumstances,” he muttered to himself, following behind the pyromaniac... _I mean pyromancer._ “I know what I said!”

“Havel! Stop talking to G-Man and hurry up!”

Havel threw his hands into the air. “Fuck it! I’m done! Take me now, I’m ready!” After a few moments, he lowered his hands. “Yeah. Figures.”

_Are you done? Can we move on now?_

… _..._

_Good. Ahem._

Valkyrie made her way down the stairs, towards the source of the clanging that had echoed out earlier. After descending several flights of stairs in the odd husk of a building, she came upon the out-of-place sight of a large, muscular man with snow white hair hammering away at a sword on an anvil in the corner of the “basement”. She blinked in surprise, “Ah? Havel! There’s a weird guy down here!”

Havel shook his head, sighing. “Valkyrie, how is this any weirder than what we’ve seen? So he’s a bit...a lot taller than most humans,” he said, eyeing the blacksmith, who appeared to be doing the same, without missing a beat with his hammer.

“Well,” the man rumbled, putting his hammer down finally, “you two must be new arrivals to fair Lordran. I am Andre, hailing from Astora. If you need smithing, then you need look no further.”

Havel nodded to him. “I am Havel, a native of this land, actually.”

Valkyrie waved, “Everyone calls me Valkyrie, I’m from a rock.”

“A rock, eh?” Andre leaned back, crossing his arms. “Well, I don’t believe I’ve heard that one before. Certainly one of the more unique responses I’ve received. So, what brings you two down here?”

“Ah..we’re on an adventure!” she replied enthusiastically.

“And to where might you be adventuring, young lass?”

“Big Hat called it Oolacy or something.”

“Oolacile?” Andre clarified, Havel being the one to nod in response. “Then you’re aiming to go through the Darkroot Garden. I would sell you the crest to open its doors, but I sold that off a few years ago. Haven’t seen the bloke since. Probably fell off a cliff somewhere. You’d have to go up through the basin, in that case.”

“The basin? And how would one get to there?” Havel asked, taking over the conversation from Valkyrie, who was currently inspecting and prodding the multitude of weapons surrounding Andre.

“To do that, you’d have to go back to Undead Burg and make your way down to the lowest level of one of the towers there. At the bottom is a monster of a man, said to smash and kill any and all that are unfortunate enough to stumble into its lair. If you were to be able to get past him, then you’d simply have to open the door just past the beast and you’re in the basin. There’ll be a ladder down by the lake, I believe. Though no one’s ever actually come back to confirm such things to me.” Andre picked up the sword currently resting on the anvil, inspecting it.

Valkyrie took on a confused look, as if seeing something she should have remembered, before her eyes widened with sudden realization, “Ah...you’re a Master Enchanter, aren’t you?”

He stopped inspecting the sword, laying it down to look at her. “Well, quite the knowledgeable gal you are, huh? Indeed, I am an Enchanter.”

“Enchanter? Are you perhaps a smith with the knowledge of sorcery?” Havel asked.

“I suppose you could say that, yes,” Andre nodded. “Though I’m only skilled in three or four specific enhancements. I can also make some changes to weapons given the right kind of soul.”

“What about something like a dragon bone core?” Havel asked, pulling out the Iron Golem’s core that he had picked up from Sen’s Fortress.

Andre took the core from Havel, inspecting it, slowly cracking a grin. “Oh, I could most definitely do something with this. Perhaps apply this to a caestus. Would make for a good punching weapon. In fact, I believe did something like this a few years back.” Andre began to rummage through a chest near him, pulling out a seemingly endless supply of weaponry, tossing it aside casually, before pulling out what looked like a rounded bone with an extended bit of bone on one half of the opening near the bottom of it. There appeared to be red twine or yarn wrapping around the bone. “Ah, here it is. Strange fella brought this and caestus to me, asking me to combine the two. Worked out just fine, but he never did come back to pick it up.” He set it down, once again picking up the core that Havel had brought. “Come back in about two, maybe three weeks. I could have this turned into another bone fist.”

Havel nodded, liking the idea. “Well, alright. That sounds like a rather interesting idea. You have a deal, sir.”

“That’ll just be seventy-five hundred souls.” Andre looked at Havel, who waited for him to explain. “Five thousand to infuse the core and another twenty-five hundred for the other completed fist. Can’t just be giving weapons away, now, can I?”

“That’s a fair point,” Havel conceded, pulling out the souls and handing them to Andre, who set them to the side. “So, through the tower of the monster, right?”

“Indeed. Well, go on, get going. Leave me to my work,” Andre said, shooing the two away as he began to rummage around for a caestus.

“AH! HAAAVEEEEL! I MADE A MISTAKE!” came the panicked shout of Valkyrie from down the stairs.

“Oh, for the love of,” Havel grumbled, walking down the stairs to see Valkyrie hiding behind a fallen pillar, a large being made of titanite with seemingly no head staring her down. “Okay, what did you do this time?”

“I just wanted to ride it!”

“And that seemed like a good idea at the time?”

“...it could have worked,” she mumbled and pouted.

“You know, Ornstein said the same thing about a dragon once. Before it tried to eat him.”

What ever Valkyrie was going to say was interrupted by a blast of lightning, temporarily blinding them, as the statue-like creature leaped forward. “Ack!” she cried as she rolled away from the catch pole, and stumbled towards the creature. Coming to a decision, she ‘tagged’  the right leg before backpedaling to gain more distance. Before Havel could comment on the seemingly ineffectual move, the leg glowed red where she tagged it, quickly followed by a “mini” explosion shearing the leg _right_ off.

_Huh, I guess that is how it lost the left leg?_

Not even fazed, the creature swept its weapon in a wide horizontal arc catching Valkyrie with it in the ribs, sending her careening across the room. Her flight was abruptly ended as her fleshy body met very much solid stone, the painful _crack_ and the blood now dribbling out of her mouth a testament to the winner. “Erhhhh..” she moaned, in pain as she tried, and failed, to stand, the demon dragging itself across the floor to likely deal the finishing blow.

She stopped struggling and simply glared at the demon, focusing her pain and rage at it, unknown to the creature but known to Havel who was watching the whole thing, ready to intervene if needed, the ceiling began glowing red. As it leaped into the air, catch pole ready to deal the death blow, the ceiling exploded in a torrent of fire, lava and stone, stopping the demon dead in its tracks by slamming it into the ground and burying it under the fury of rock and lava.

The lava quickly solidified as it is wont to do when created by chaos pyromancy, trapping it. After a few moments, and some more very disturbing sounds, Valkyrie pushed herself up, her right hand pressed over her left side as she hobbled over to the newest mound of stone that now occupied the chamber. She laid her left hand on the stone for nearly a whole minute before walking back to Havel, devoid of all her prior enthusiasm.

“So, welcome back,” Havel said, noting the change as the same as Valkyrie’s second personality. “Perhaps some Humanity would cheer you up?”

“No...maybe.” She turned to Havel, “Though I recommend that you do not look at  the chamber in another ten seconds,” she shrugged and winced, “or do.”

Havel turned to watch her walk up the stairs and then winced as he heard the rest of the chamber come crashing down behind him. He decided it was better to not look and walked back up the stairs, the heat of the pyromancy used following him.

**HEY! LOOK OVER THERE! A LINE BREAK!**

After making their way back through Undead Burg and a humanity given to Valkyrie to recover, they stood at the bottom of the tower in which Havel killed himself. Havel looked at the door, moving to open it. The knob turned easily enough, the hinges creaking loudly as he pushed the door open to reveal a hill with trees in it, a small number of crystal golems wandering through the area. Further past the sparse treeline was a waterfall, probably falling into the basin that Andre had mentioned.

“Well, this is kind of beautiful,” Havel said as they walked down the stairs and onto the grass.

Valkyrie took in the scene, blinked, turned around to look back at the tower, then back at the scene in front of them and tilted her head confused, “Ah…? How did..? Wha?”

_Hey don’t look at me, this place is weird as fucking hell._

“Well, let’s get going. Kind of looking forward to seeing Oolacile again.” Havel started making his way, the golems ignoring them. About halfway to the lake, Havel stopped, straining to listen to something. “Hey, do you hear something?”

“Ah...no.” she thought for a moment, “but I have a bad feeling about this…Hey G-Man, there isn’t some big spooky thing ahead is there?”

_What? No. Of course not._

AWHOOSH

“The fuck was that?!” Havel yelled, pulling his shield out. The answer soon came in the form of what looked to be a large water ball heading straight for them, splashing against his shield and nearly knocking him back, Havel unprepared for the amount of force behind it.

“I thought you said there wasn’t anything big and spooky!” complained Valkyrie and she ducked behind another tree.

_Well technically a hydra is just big, not very all that spooky._

“You couldn’t share that earlier, you disembodied asshole?!” Havel planted his shield into the ground, holding out against the water balls.

 _Then why didn’t you_ ask _earlier, Mr.I-am-a-Big-Rock? I’m the_ Narrator _not a gods-damned fairy, if you want guidance you have to_ ask _for it._

“...Alright, I see your point,” Havel said. “But that still leaves us stuck here. Unless you have some advice?”

_The Hydra shoots powerful blasts of water at long-medium range, however if you get closer  it will attempt to eat you with all of its heads. Before you complain and ask something like “Why would I want to do that”, the Hydra is stupid and has serious depth perception problems seeing that it has fourteen eyes and seven brains all telling its body to do different things. This makes it easy for you to attack the necks of the creature, which are for some reason, a weak point._

“Okay...anything maybe, I don’t know, a bit quicker and less dangerous?”

_Its a water based creature and its sitting in a pool of water that is probably filled with heavy metals. Do I really have to spoon feed you the obvious?_

Havel grinned as he realized what G-man was getting at. “Oh. No, I think I can take it from here,” Havel replied, pulling his shield out of the ground and running forward, calling forth a bolt of lightning with his talisman, holding it as he neared the basin. He saw the hydra soon enough and moving his shield aside, he planted his feet and let fly the bolt. It hit the beast just below its middle neck, connecting with the main body. What proceeded afterwards was a spectacular light show and the smell of fried fish.

Havel turned back to Valkyrie watching him in awe...and suddenly snapping her attention to her hand that was wrapped with the Velka Talisman. “Um...how long have you had that talisman?” Havel asked, noticing the talisman as well.

Still focusing on her hand she replied, “Ah...ten years?” she narrowed her eyes as her hand began to faintly give off a crackling sound and the smell of ozone.

“Val, that’s _really_ not a good idea if you don’t know how to properly channel miracles,” Havel said.

_Wait for it…_

“Ha!” Valkyrie shouted in joy as the electricity began to form in her hand...which changed to a scream of pain as it promptly discharged into her.

Havel’s gloved hand hit his helmet, slowly dragging it down. “Why does no one listen when I tell them not to. Every time. ‘Oo, I can channel miracles now!’.” He wiggled his fingers in the air, mockingly, “Fucking amateurs.”

“I...ow.” Her hair poofed out and frizzed from the current that had ran through it, “I don’t think I like miracles.”

“And they don’t like you. Come on,” Havel said, moving to wade through the shallow water. “Hey, is there something shining over there?”

“Quick! Kill it with fire!” was Valkyrie response, along with several Fire Orbs, followed up with a Chaos Fireball, and a Grand Fireball. Before Havel could get a word in, another continuous jet of flame went by him. When it finally cut off, she asked “Is it dead?”

“Yeah. Probably. I mean, you may not have...actually, I’m not going to finish that sentence.” He walked past the pile of quickly cooling crystal, kneeling down to examine the corpse it appeared to be guarding. The corpse was dressed in a beautiful white gown of some kind, a thin crown with wings on either side of it on the head.

Valkyrie’s eyes sparkled at the sight of the crown, “Oohh Mine!” and with that, she appropriated the crown.

Suddenly she froze, a feeling of absolute terror coming over her, disjointed memories flashing before her eyes only feeding the terror that was growing, leaving her completely unprepared when the rift in reality opened up next to her. She was snapped from her terror as the giant hand that sprang forth from the portal gripped her and began to pull, “AHHHHH! HAVEL! SAVE ME!”

“Whoa, whoa, _WHOA_!” Havel grabbed the fingers of the hand, trying to pull against it. But this was a being that even he couldn’t match in strength. His feet lifted off the ground and he and Valkyrie were pulled through the black portal.

A golden phantom appeared in the now tranquil lake, she looked around questioningly to see where her saviors had wandered off to. When she could find no one, she simply vanished.

And all was quiet in the basin once more.

**BETCHA SAW THAT COMING, EH? HA! LOADING SCREEEEEEEN!**

Valkyrie shot up, hyperventilating. As she calmed down, she began to look around and spotted something odd. “Ah...is that what you wear under your armor?”

Havel groggily shook his head, noting the missing weight of his armor and helmet. “What are you talking ab-” He then looked down. “WHY DO I HAVE BREASTS?!”

“WHY DO YOU HAVE BREASTS?” questioned Valkyrie hysterically.

_No, seriously, why do you have breasts, this is a question that really needs an answer._

Indeed, Havel now had on the gown from earlier, plus a new set of mammaries. He poked at his chest. “...Wait, is this thing padded?” He peeled it off, holding it up, thankful that his trousers at least were still on. “Huh...I was actually kinda worried there for a moment.” He dropped the gown, looking around for his armor, spotting it just in front of a large mushroom. Moving over to it, he began to don his armor once again, putting it on piece by piece.

_Quick! Kill it with Fire!_

“Valkyrie, no fwoosh!” Havel yelled, moving to lower her already raised hand.

“Aww,” she extinguished the flame with a pout.

The extra large mushroom opened its eyes and look at the duo, “Well, look at these. From what far-away age hast thou come? Thy scent is human, indeed…”

“We are indeed human...uh...I’m, uh, not really sure how I should refer to you,” Havel replied, scratching the back of his helmet.

“I am Elizabeth, guardian of the sanctuary...please I beg of thee, save our Princess Dusk from that terrifying primeval human. If you accept, I shall assist thee, to my utmost.”

“I would gladly assist if I can, but first, perhaps you could tell us where we are?”

“Havel, it’s a giant talking mushroom,” Valkyrie monotoned.

“Yeah, and we can hear a disembodied voice, I fought ancient immortal dragons, you’ve killed a couple demons, and most of the things in Lordran nowadays want to eat our faces. Oh, and I’ve come from the past and killed my future self. What’s your point?”

“Its a _mushroom_. A giant _talking_ mushroom.” the disbelief started to seep into her voice.

“Okay, just, please, continue and ignore her, Elizabeth,” Havel said, dismissing Valkyrie for the moment.

“I...see. In thanks for you rendered assistance, I shall provide thee with Golden Pine Resins and scrolls on Oolacile Sorceries. I shall have to hope that what little assistance I can offer shall be enough.”

Valkyrie shot to attention, “Oolacile Sorcery...scrolls?! You have them!” She became progressively more excited, over imaginative thoughts about the ‘wonder of Oolacile Sorcery’ that Griggs talked about bouncing in her mind.

“Why do you sound so surprised? Of course there’d be scrolls of Oolacile Sorcery around,” Havel spoke up, confused by Valkyrie’s behavior on the matter.

“You don’t understand! Vinheim Dragon School of Sorcery and Mystery! has been trying for hundreds of years to recreate them!”

“Recreate? Wait, what do you mean recreate? Oolacile didn’t keep secrets concerning their illusion sorceries.”

She blinked, “Ah...right.” She lost much of her enthusiasm , “Oolacile fell and all the knowledge they had gained was completely lost, according to Logan people had dedicated their whole lives to trying to recreate even one of the sorceries from Oolacile, and everyone one of them failed.”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t Anor Londo’s closest neighbor also be in the shithole?” Havel said, shaking his head. “I mean, silly me, hoping that at least one thing from my own time would be in one piece.”

“If it’s any consolation, I remember being mindraped by a creature from the Abyss.”

Havel stared at her. “...No...no, that really isn’t a consolation.”

“Oh…” she paused, looking down in thought, before turning to the mushroom, “Can I have those sorceries now? I really feel the need to burn something right now.”

The mushroom did the equivalent of a fungus nod, which was nothing, and said “Indeed, in the grass underneath I, shall you find thy sorceries thee seeks.”

She nodded and ruffled through the grass until she found the promised scrolls, giving a quick thanks while storing them in her pouch, she marched out, fireball in hand. Havel nodded to Elizabeth and quickly moved to follow Valkyrie, intent on making sure that she didn’t get herself killed. Valkyrie stomped through the forest, igniting the animated scarecrows as she went, with possible excessive use of fire. As they wandered aimlessly through the forest, leaving charred remnants of animated constructs in their wake, they somehow ended up in front of a ruined building with a strange carved block inlaid on the ground next to a hole.

Valkyrie tilted her head, “I think this is an elevator…”

“I’m sorry, can we go back just a few minutes?” Havel asked. “Is there anything you want to get off your chest?”

She ignored him, and instead chose to kneel in front of the block and brush the dust off to better read the inscription on the outer rim. She stopped after a few moments of silence and sighed, “You know the rock I keep calling my home was an insane asylum, right?”

“Yeah. Unique enough to not forget.”

She nodded slowly, “Yes...it was a place made for sorcerers who had lost their minds in the pursuit of...whatever.”She paused and read a bit more of the outer rim, “Ever since I started this adventure, or should I say consumed that first Humanity, my mind has been getting progressively clearer, with each Humanity consumed...and so have my memories.”

“I...see.”

“The reason why I froze up when that hand grabbed me...that feeling that it gave off triggered a series of disjointed memories,” she turned her body and looked up at Havel, “memories of terror and incomprehensible horrors. The reason why I had lost everything and was locked up on that rock in the first place.”

“And…” He gave a slight gesture with his hand, gently urging her to continue.

She turned back to the stone, mumbled some sorceric gibberish and stood back up and the plate glowed with a blue light, “I’m scared, Havel. Everything we fought before I knew was dangerous...but it didn’t matter to me, I was having fun. This?” she motioned her hand forward, “This is not fun, the creatures we will face are not simply ‘dangerous’....there is more to lose here than just our lives. I would _know_ , I already lost my mind, once.” The grind of the stones stopped with the elevator now floating gently in front of them, she stepped on it turning back to Havel, “Ready to see how far the rabbit hole goes?”

Havel stepped on, looking at Valkyrie. “If you’re scared, you don’t have to go. Stupidity isn’t the same as courage. Running doesn’t make you a coward.”

The plate on the elevator flashed blue and the whole platform began to descend at a rapid pace, “Where would I go? Back to the Sanctuary? What would I do? Stay with the talking mushroom and cry?” she shook her head sadly, “Hesitation will only get me killed now, in this twisted land. Regret will only dull my actions and my mind. It isn’t Stupidity to charge forward when your back is against the wall, it’s the only option left. After all, whatever brought us here certainly isn’t just going to put us back.” She chuckled sadly, “After all, when you stare into the Abyss, the Abyss stares right back...”

“Then I’ll count on you to watch my back,” Havel replied. “And when we meet this Abyss of yours, I’ll show you there’s nothing to fear from it.”

The elevator jerked to a stop as it reached its destination and the duo stepped off of it, Valkyrie raised her fist and looked down at it, watching the fireball that formed as she flicked her hand open, “Time to see just how hot my fires burn.”

“He he he, Hello adventurers!” came a call from the shadows near the stone bridge that lay in front of them.” You haven’t seen a large, toothy arm around, have you? Didn’t even take me to dinner first, he he he.”

“A common occurrence, is it?” Havel asked the figure as they neared it.

The figure stepped out from the shadows, it was a odd man, eccentrically dressed with a permanently grinning mask and top hat to, _top it off_ , “Oh? It’s already cheating on me? Shame. Say, do you even know where and when you are stranger?”

“I know that we’re in Oolacile, sometime in the far past,” Havel replied.

“Oh? Knowledgeable, aren’t you? Pity, and here I was going to be so generous and let you ...peruse my wares, for a fee of course. He he he.”

“Strange that you would only offer your wares should you have given us the information.”

The odd man stepped back, hands over his heart, “You wound me with your harsh words sir, “ he let one hand drop back down over his stomach, as the other took off his top hat with a flourish while he bowed, righting himself he  continued, “Of course, I would never refuse a paying customer, Marvelous Chester is always at your service...if the price is right, of course. Mwah Hah Hah!”

“Well, as much as I would love to stop and pick up some souvenirs for those back home, the lass and I really must be on our way,” Havel said.

“Oh? I assure you I offer much more than simple ‘souvenirs’.” He stepped further a bit more and leaned in with his hand on his face as if it was hiding his mouth, ”In fact...you seem like quite the Undead sort with that monstrous strength of yours, care for some...Humanity? He he he.”

“I’ll have to decline that offer for now,” was Havel’s answer, as he stepped past Chester to follow after Valkyrie, who had already wandered past the bridge. “Perhaps another time, Chester.”

Chester back up to the wall once more, Havel noticing an extra large crossbow leaning next to him, “What? After all that? Hrumph, see if I help you again next time we meet. Heh. Heh. Heh.”

“Haaaveeel~ Hurry up! There is a fog gate up here!” Valkyrie called out from across the bridge, near the coliseum entrance.

Havel walked up behind Valkyrie, looking at the fog gate she had spoken of. “Like I said. I’m counting on you to watch my back,” Havel said, pulling his shield from his Darksign and holding it with both hands in front of him as he walked through the gate.

Valkyrie psyched herself up and called a Great Fireball into existence, “Okay, I can do this! Haaaa!” and with that she charged through the fog gate ready to rain fire down on her foes- _WHAM_ \- and straight into the back of Havel. “Oww~ Havel~ You’re suppose to be all ‘Rah Rah Rah’!”

“...”

She stared at him, waiting for an answer. When none came she decided to see what made him stop...by jumping up and pulling her head over his shoulder. “Eh? Who’s big, blue, and spooky?”

“...Artorias,” Havel said, his voice quiet. The tall figure in silver armor and dark blue cloth looked at them, growling. Valkyrie’s earlier words were now ringing in his head about how there were worse things to lose. The sword on his right shoulder was abruptly lowered to the ground, Artorias letting loose a howl, akin to a beast. His left arm hung limply, moving about with the movement of his body, obviously broken.

“If it’s any consolation...I’m still alive,” she said to him as she hopped off his back.

Havel drew his silver sword, readying his shield. “Thanks.”

Artorias gave another howl and leaped at Havel, bringing his greatsword slamming down onto Havel’s greatshield, leaning in to roar in Havel’s face. Havel retaliated by slapping Artorias in the neck with the flat of his sword, trying to get him to back away. It didn’t work, rather, it seemed to have angered the feral knight.

Valkyrie looked on helplessly, knowing that much of her repertoire was what people called “lethal”. She had a flash of inspiration though, remembering the words of Griggs about Oolacile sorceries being sophisticated illusions. Rummaging through her pouches she pulled out the scroll labeled “Light” and began to read.

Back with Havel, he had dropped his shield on the ground, focusing solely on swordplay. He didn’t want to kill Artorias and tried to disable him, but it was proving difficult, as his old student seemed to ignore any and all pain. He found himself on the defensive far more often than on the offensive. He grit his teeth and began to push back, adding punches in past Artorias’ guard if an opportunity presented itself.

Valkyrie stood there, completely absorbed in the scroll, mumbling to herself, “So if I apply that matrix to the end of that one...amplify the power...reduce the duration…” She sighed, “This is going to hurt.”

Havel backstepped, the tip of Artorias’ greatsword catching his helmet and flinging it off, revealing a sweating Havel. As Artorias brought the sword back down, Havel stepped into Artorias’ range and grabbed the wrist, his silver sword in his right hand in a reverse grip. He was surprised when Artorias suddenly grabbed his right wrist in retaliation, the broken arm somehow moving through sheer force of will, the both of them now in a deadlock. Havel looked at the cloth covering Artorias’ face, feeling the hot breath of the insane soldier on his own face.

“Incoming!” Valkyrie shouted as she dashed at the deadlocked duo with the added mumble of “I hope this works…” Artorias saw her coming and tried to break out of the deadlock, Havel’s grip tightening on his wrist, but it was too late as just as he broke free Valkyrie’s catalyst was in the middle of them, the tip glowing with energy. With a shout of “Flashbang!” the tip went off with a bright flash of light and an extremely loud bang, stunning and disorienting all three of them. Unfortunately for Valkyrie, Artorias began flailing around in rage and the back of his right hand caught her on the face, sending her spinning backwards into the ground.

Havel held his left ear, blinking the spots from his eyes, his head turned away when he had seen Valkyrie’s catalyst glowing with energy and shoved into Artorias’ face, the ringing in his left ear slowly dwindling. He saw Valkyrie on the ground, slowly moving, while in front of him, Artorias was stumbling around, hand held to his head, screaming in pain and rage...not that anyone heard him. Havel took the chance to run at Artorias, his steps like those of a drunk, his balance now messed up due to one ear still ringing. He dropped his silver sword and tackled Artorias to the ground, wrenching the greatsword from his hand and throwing it off to the side. Artorias bucked and kicked, trying to get Havel off of him, but as most do, found it rather difficult to simply throw a boulder off of one’s self, even if you are super-powered by the abyss.

“Hold,” Havel said through his grit teeth, pushing Artorias’ shoulders onto the ground, “still!”

_ Feed… _

Havel’s head snapped up, trying to find the source of the hissing voice, looking over his shoulder to see nothing. “What-”

 _You must feed. He is weak. Lost. You can end his suffering._ The voice sounded sweet, enticing. Persuading. It would be so simple to simply listen to it, to end Artorias’ misery. Wisps of dark red energy began to rise from Havel’s right hand, which was slowly moving to Artorias’ throat. _Just one little grasp and he is free…_

Havel felt Humanity rising to Artorias’ throat, slowly gathering under his right palm. “Ha...vel,” came a groan. It shocked Havel into releasing that Humanity, as he realised that it had come from Artorias. He shook his head, just now realizing what it was he had been attempting to do.

_ Just one little taste won’t hurt him! He has so much Humanity within himself! FEED! _

“Silence!” Havel snapped, realising that the voice was in his own head. But it was what the voice had said. That it had claimed there was a large amount of Humanity within him. He looked at his right hand, an idea coming to him. “Too much Humanity corrupts, taints, and destroys. It corrodes at one’s very being. I may yet be able to save you, my friend.” He concentrated on his hand, willing the power to once again answer. And answer it did. He placed it on Artorias’ chest and began to slowly absorb Humanity, feeling his Darksign taking it and storing it.

“Cease your foolish plan. You don’t need to use such a power of folly and greed…” came the sound of Valkyrie’s voice from right next to him, “Though my plan is no better, it is far faster.”

Havel took his hand away, looking up at Valkyrie, a bloody gash running down the side of her face where she was hit. “We really should come up with a name for you, if you aren’t Valkyrie.”

“Hrmph, if you insist, it shall be Shard. For that is what I am.”

“Alright, Shard. What’s this plan of yours?”

“In layman’s terms? I’m going to shove my Flame into his chest and burn away his excess humanity in a way only pyromancers can.” She crouched at their heads and held up a small flame, giving off incredible waves of power, “It will hurt. A lot.” With that said, she slammed her hand into his chest and took on an intense look of concentration.

Artorias began to buck and spasm wildly, Havel tearing off Artorias’ helm. “Could have mentioned the possibility of seizures!” he exclaimed, sticking his index finger in between Artorias’ teeth.

Valkyrie said nothing, the only hint that something was happening was the waves of heat that began to pour off them both, accompanied by a faint red aura outlining them that was steadily getting stronger as time passed.

Soon the heat and aura reached critical mass, even Havel was starting to feel the intense heat though all the layers of his armor. With a shout of mixed happiness and pain, Shard ripped her hand away from his chest, and what followed was a flame equal in size to a Grand Fireball. She panted in exhaustion and eyed it with apprehension, “I agree with your sentiments Valkyrie, this _is_ going to hurt.” She took a deep breath and thrust the flame in her own chest, and promptly screamed in _ahem_...not quite pain. _You know the one._

“Uh...you okay there, Shard?” Havel, having removed his finger once he was sure that Artorias wouldn’t end up swallowing his own tongue, looked at her with a raised eyebrow as she squirmed. “You seem a little red in the face.”

She only got redder when he said that and the squirming increased, now more in embarrassment, “Eep.”

Havel’s brow raised higher. “I’m sorry, ‘eep’?”

She shakily got to her feet and turned away, arms hugging herself, “Ah...I...underestimated the effects...of such a procedure.”

“I very much doubt that. Unless you’re a masochist. Or something like that.”

She snapped around, face still beet red, eyes showing her alarm, “No! No. Nothing like that. I...ah...” she glanced at the now still form of Artorias and quickly turning back, cupping her face, squirming once more, “Ah...The pain was not the problem…”

Havel looked between the two, wondering if he could raise his brow any higher. “So...what _was_ the problem?”

She stilled, shivered, and coughed into her hand, “We aren’t talking about this, someone approaches.”

Havel looked back to the door to see a small, petite figure walk through the dissipating fog, staring at the ground, her blonde hair tied into a braided ponytail, the blue cloth she wore swaying slightly with her movement. She apparently wasn’t watching her feet, as she stumbled on Havel’s helm, doing a twirl and regaining her balance, making it seem as though she meant to do so. Havel gave a light clap and a laugh. “Beautifully done, Ciaran! Beautifully done!” he cheered, the figure snapping her head up to stare at Havel.

“General...Havel,” Ciaran muttered, shocked at seeing her mentor in the coliseum, sitting beside a downed Artorias and a woman she had never seen with red hair, wearing strange clothes. “Sir…” Behind her porcelain mask, her expression fell, believing Artorias to have been slain by Havel and the woman. “I see that you have discovered Knight Artorias’ fate the hard way. I thank you for ending his misery.”

Shard turned around, “Actually, I successfully removed his excess Humanity.” She looked at Havel, “Your _General_ had the brilliant idea of trying to suck it out with a dark art from New Londo.”

Ciaran glared at Shard. “I would ask that you hold your tongue, human. To spout such accusations and alleged deeds is a good way to lose it.”

Shard had the benefit of lacking a helmet so Ciaran received the full glare back, her hand ignited with an extra large sickly ball of orange, “Oh? Says the little girl hiding behind a mask who can't even see what is in front of her?”

Ciaran herself pulled out two daggers, her infamous Gold and Silver Tracers flashing in the setting light. “Out it shall come, I see.”

Havel took this time to clear his throat, drawing the attention of the females. “So, just a heads up, the red head is a master Pyromancer and Ciaran there is a master Assassin. If possible, I’d like for there to still be an Oolacile to save at the end of the day,” he said. When both readied themselves once more, he sighed. “Also, Artorias would probably be disappointed.”

With a synchronized “ **Urk** ” the two quickly put away their weapons of choice, and settled on glaring at each other once they realized what had happened.

From beside Havel came a groan. “And speaking of,” Havel said, turning his head to look at Artorias, whose eyes were starting to flutter open.

Artorias slowly sat up, his blue eyes still slightly clouded over, disorientation evident on his face. His jet black hair was scraggly, having not been taken care of for close to two years now, scruff on his face. “What…?” he began, his voice croaking, his throat feeling dry and scratchy. The next thing he felt was a small sack of rocks hitting him, something wrapping around his chest, and managing to hit nearly every bruise Havel had given him during the fight. He grunted in pain, looking down to see a familiar blue hat and blonde ponytail. Ciaran looked up at him, her mask still on. Artorias slowly moved his right hand to the mask and gently removed it, revealing Ciaran’s blue eyes, tear trails running down her cheeks. Artorias cracked a small smile, putting down the mask and brushing Ciaran’s cheek. “Ciaran,” he whispered, the smile turning into a grin.

Shard took in the scene before her and frowned, with a flick of her hand she flipped the hood up and positioned it to shadow her face. A thought came to her and a mischievous smirk grew on her face, grabbing her catalyst she intoned, “Disappear,” and vanished.

“Wha-” Havel looked around. “Shard?” He continued to scan the arena, looking for the pyromancer he had been traveling with. “Shard, where’d you go?” He stood up, going to grab his helmet and then turning back around to once again look around the arena. He narrowed his eyes, seeing something like a shadow standing where Shard had been. He walked closer and saw that she was still there, merely transparent. “Is that one of the sorceries that Elizabeth gave you?”

She pouted at him, “Hrm, I see what they mean now on that theory. Yes, it is a sorcery from those scrolls, it was nicknamed ‘Hidden Body’.”

Havel rubbed his chin. “Hmm. Interesting.”

She dispelled the effect on her and gave Havel a conspiratorial smirk, “I can make your weapon actually invisible…for a short time.” She gained a thoughtful look, “I wonder if I can cast Hidden Body on someone else?”

“Havel, sir,” Artorias spoke up from behind them, now standing with the help of Ciaran. “Thank you.” He nodded to Shard. “And to you as well, m’lady.”

Shard set herself stoic and gave him a flat stare, “And what, pray tell, happened that turned you into such a state?”

Artorias closed his eyes, shuddering at the memory. “I made a mistake. And I paid for it. I sought to fight and kill something far beyond what I was capable of. I daresay, I was arrogant.”

Shard’s whole posture shifted to a more understanding one, her mouth creased into a thin line, eyes downcast, “Yes...the Abyss certainly does that to you. Gods know I have enough experience to say so.”

“You have my sympathies, then,” Artorias said, wincing as he tried to shift his posture slightly.

“So, as interesting as this is,” Havel interrupted, “there is still the issue of your arm and, well...injuries, Artorias.”

“Nothing that a few miracles can’t fix, I’m sure, sir,” Artorias said with a grin. “Almost feels like training again.”

“Yeah, see, Shard here...well, normally, she’s Valkyrie, but anyways! She doesn’t know about my whole rank thing, so no need to bother with formalities around her. Seriously, you know I fucking hate that,” Havel said. “Second, the problem lies mostly with your arm. See, all that Humanity that was corrupting you, while doing a _fantastic_ job of keeping your body healed, it also healed your arm when it was still broken and unset. You ever seen what an arm has to go through when it’s not healed properly because it wasn’t set?” Havel walked over and pulled the armor off of Artorias’ left arm, setting it down to the side.

“Uh, no,” Artorias replied. “Why?”

“Well, let’s just say it’s going to be quite the experience.” Havel pulled his talisman from his belt and kneeled down, while Ciaran helped Artorias sit down.

Shard interrupted them by handing him a thick, wound strap of leather, “Here, you might want to bite on this.” A glowing white circle appeared around the two soldiers and Havel began the process of healing him.

“Well, this doesn’t feel so ba-NGH!” Artorias bit down hard on the leather still in Shard’s hand, nearly chomping through it. Cracking sounds could be heard coming from his arm, the skin seeming to crawl as bones rearranged themselves accordingly. After a few minutes of agonizing pain and muffled screams, Havel had finished and Artorias’ wounds and arm were once again healthy. He opened his mouth, the leather dropping out, bite marks cutting deep into it. He flexed his left arm, feeling the muscles, the Humanity from his corruption having kept the muscles from atrophying. “That, uh...yeah. You were right. That was an experience.”

“Geh!” Shard stumbled and caught herself on the wall, “I’m sorry, Havel, but I need to burn this energy now, or there will be consequences. There will be fire involved. I recommend you stay behind me.” She moved on ahead through the second exit, flames ready in each hand.

Once she was through the arena’s exit, Artorias looked to Havel. “Now, what was that about Valkyrie and Shard?”

“Split personality,” Havel answered. “Normally, Valkyrie is the personality in charge. In the last, ah, about thirty-six hours, she’s undergone that little personality change to Shard. Seems to happen when her body is put under extreme duress. Such as being backhanded by a knight in full armor.”

“Ah. Then the blood on her face was my doing,” Artorias said with a wince. “I should probably apologize for that later.”

“Well, to be fair, she _did_ do that strange spell without warning.” Havel looked at Ciaran and Artorias, crossing his arms. “So. Oolacile. I can make a guess as to what happened here, from that dead body over there and what you’ve apparently been through, Artorias. What I _want_ to know is why you two are here without Ornstein and Gough?”

“I came under Lord Gwyn’s orders to investigate and assist as needed,” Artorias explained. “There were reports of strange behaviour from Oolacile’s citizens, shortly before they cut off all ties with Anor Londo. Soon after came reports of Kalameet, who has made a nest somewhere in the valley. I came here and found the state of affairs to be much worse than believed. Sif and I...oh, gods...I don’t know if Sif made it out!”

An explosion of flame and dark smoke went off in the distance.

“Worry about Sif later,” Havel said, trying to get Artorias back to debriefing. “We’ll find out what happened to the pup before we leave, I promise.”

“Right...yes, of course,” Artorias said, straightening up. “I went to confront the creature known as Manus, whom the denizens of Oolacile had awakened. He is, to the best of my knowledge, capable of controlling the Abyss itself. To what extent, I’m not sure. Somewhere along the way, I had to leave Sif behind. To keep Sif safe, I left my shield behind. I eventually met with Manus and was swiftly defeated. It was during that fight that my left arm was broken. It was after that fight that the Abyss was able to corrupt me.”

Another explosion, followed by a plume of lava.

Havel nodded, “Thank you, Artorias. Now, for you, Ciaran.”

“I...followed Artorias after he did not return for six months,” she began, lowering her eyes to the ground. “I was worried, but...Lord Gwyn would not send reinforcements, for whatever reason. When I arrived, I did find Artorias...but he was that which you fought just a small while ago...I was not the only one to come. Gough also followed us here.”

“Gough is here as well?” Havel asked, somewhat surprised. “Where is he?”

“In the tower connected to this coliseum. He is locked in there. I have no key, so I have to climb it in order to reach him.” Ciaran looked at Artorias longingly, before turning around, beckoning for Havel to follow.

“Artorias, you stay put,” Havel said as he followed, stopping to grab his shield and put it into his Darksign. “That’s an order. Your body needs some semblance of rest after that.” Ciaran led Havel through the halls of the coliseum and up some stairs, out into the open air. He saw the tower and walked to it, stopping at the metal door. “Shouldn’t be too hard,” he announced, grabbing the handle and pulling at it. The bricks around it began to creak as they tried to fight the mountain currently trying to yank the door from them and were slowly losing. After a minute or so of exertion, the door came off of the brick and Havel tossed it over the side of the small bridge that led to the tower, dusting his hands.

“...Show off,” Ciaran said with a grin. She hadn’t seen her teacher in a while and the familiar sight of Havel casually using brute force to solve a problem brought some of the more fun memories she had after the Dragon War. They climbed the ladder, coming out at the top to find a giant in armor built from a near similar material used in silver knight armor, carving away at pieces of wood. His chestplate was strapped with chains, his helmet somewhat dull in the light.

Havel walked over to the carvings, inspecting them. “Wow. Quite the collection you have here, Gough,” Havel said, Gough stopping his carving.

“Thank you, stranger,” his voice rumbled. “Thou must be the one who freed Artorias. For that, I must thank thee.”

“Gough, I fucking hate that.”

“Apologies?” Gough was confused, wondering what this new visitor was referring to.

“What, do you not recognize me?”

“Ah, Havel, sir...he’s, um...he’s gone blind,” Ciaran whispered into Havel’s ear, Havel looking back up at Gough.

“Gough. Have you truly gone blind?”

“I am afraid that I have, friend. ‘Twas one morning that I woke up and the world was black,” Gough replied. “Without my sight, I am useless as an archer. No use to Lord Gwyn or the Four Knights. So here I stay, carving and refining.”

“I...see,” Havel said. “That is sad to hear. Gough, it’s Havel. I was told by Ciaran that you were here, but I wasn’t aware that you had lost your sight. I am sorry.”

“General, sir!” Gough gave a rough salute, before laughing. “Your comment now makes sense. You were never a fan of such speech.”

“Indeed, Gough,” Havel smiled. “It is a shame that the world has lost such a talented archer. Do you have any earthly clue as to what may have caused you to be struck blind?”

“Not a clue,” Gough said, putting down the carving he was working on, apparently completed. He bent down, feeling for another bit of wood. Havel noticed something sticking out of his helmet.

“Gough...hold still a moment,” Havel ordered, walking over to Gough’s helmet. He took a closer look and saw that there was straw and pine resin stuck into the holes. Havel’s expression turned to one of fury, but it was quickly calmed. “It would appear that you aren’t blind after all, Gough. Someone has stuck something into your helmet’s eyeholes. Give me just a moment.” Havel took off his glove, reaching up to start peeling straw and resin from the eyeholes. “Close your eyes.” After a few minutes, Havel was done and he put his glove back on, stepping back. “Alright, how about now, Gough?”

Gough sat back up, opening his eyes. “I am able to see once again,” he said, looking around at the scenery. Soon enough, he looked at Havel and Ciaran, laughing. “Truly, it is good to see familiar faces!”

Another large plume of fire and lava filled the distant sky, followed by a deep rumble.

Havel looked past the coliseum. “Uh, perhaps I should go make sure she isn’t destroying the entire town,” he said. “Gough, have you got a way to get down into the coliseum?”

“It should not be too hard,” Gough replied, picking up his bow and quiver of arrows.

“Alright. While I go get Shard, you two stay with Artorias in the coliseum, alright? He needs to rest a while yet. If I need help, I’m sure I or Shard or Valkyrie will think of something to get your attention.” With that, Havel went down the ladder to go find Shard. Once back at the coliseum exit, he went down the stairs and entered the township itself, looking around. There were burnt corpses and scorch marks on almost every surface. He followed the burnt ruins and remains a short ways away. He walked past a few patches of hardened lava, fairly certain he was on the right path. Soon enough, he found her, staring across a thin bridge at being on the far side.

“Come over here so I can kill you, you coward!” shouted Shard, fist in the air, fire in the other.

“I don’t think she wants to do that, Shard,” Havel commented. “And considering what I passed on the way here, I don’t blame her.”

She turned around, clearly surprised, “Oh. Havel, when did you get here?”

“Just now. Rather impressed with how you cleared the way here.”

She gave him what could be considered an evil grin, “You’d be surprised what kind of damage I can cause.”

He pat her on the head, “Cute. Real cute.”

She frowned, “Hrmph, don’t patronize me.” She narrowed her eyes, “Oh! I found this silver amulet in some, ah...ex-hidden room.”

He took it from her outstretched hand, inspecting it. “Interesting. Well made, too. And in surprisingly good condition, all things considered.” He held it back out to her.

She took it back and placed it on her neck, “I like it...it also deflects this abyss sorcery.”

“Handy,” Havel commented, when his body suddenly stiffened as he turned around, soon dropping into what Shard recognized as his ready stance.

She tilted her head, “Hrm? Problems?” she hook her head, “No matter, let me take care of our rear.” With that she raised her foot and stomped down, after a few moments an eruption of lava consumed the sorceress on the other side.

“You didn’t hear that ominous wailing?” Havel asked, pulling out his shield once more, as well as his dragontooth.

She shook her head and looked at Havel oddly, “You know, the first sign of insanity is hearing things that aren't there.” None-the-less she readied fire in her hands.

“No, I definitely heard something,” Havel replied. But instead of Shard answering, it was a sniper bolt bouncing off of his shield. He looked up the stairs he had just finished coming down to see a red phantom, one that looked oddly familiar.

In fact, he was pretty sure it was Chester, if the top hat, the bowing at the waist, and the obnoxious comment of “Hello Adventurers!” didn’t make it obvious enough. He quickly ran up the stairs, watching Chester dodge fireballs that Shard was chucking over Havel. When Havel was close enough, Chester threw three knives with rose shaped hilts, all of them pinging off of Havel’s shield. Havel slammed down his dragontooth, just missing a backflipping Chester, who fired another sniper bolt at Havel, though this one bounced off of his armor. Havel threw his shield at Chester, aiming for his torso. Chester managed to duck low, but when he came back up, the dragontooth was already starting to crush his hat. The rest of his body soon followed, the phantom disappearing in a flurry of red mist.

“Alright. Fuck that guy,” Havel said, walking over to pick up his shield. “Glad Artorias wasn’t here to see that. Don’t need him commenting on such a stupid move.” He walked back down the stairs, gesturing to the bridge. “So...we should probably go.”

“How eloquent,” Shard comment dryly

Havel shrugged. “Why be eloquent when it’s faster to just say it?”

She shook her head in amusement, “I’m going back to sleep, the energy is at a more manageable level and I think I scared off a majority of those creatures.”

“...I don’t have to carry you again, do I?” Havel asked.

In response she just shook her head and merely closed her eyes, as she reopened them moments later her whole posture had changed. Valkyrie tilted her head in confusion, “Ah...Havel? Where are we?”

“Oh, we’re in the township. You burnt and/or scared most of whatever lives here, and I think you blew up a building as well.”

She merely nodded, as if expecting that kind of answer, “Ah...okay. Onward?”

Havel pointed forward. “Onward!” He chuckled a bit. “Boy, that brings back some memories.” They continued their way, walking through large stone buildings, going ever deeper. There were few enemies left, their path unimpeded, the occasional fireball being tossed at the few that were foolish enough to stay.  They occasionally had to drop down to a lower area, Havel having to catch Valkyrie for some of the higher drops.

Eventually, they came across a collapsed wall, which lead to a collapsed building that made the perfect bridge to the foreboding open-aired path that seemed to lead into the heart of the darkness. They quickly made their way across the building, quickening their pace when it began to groan. Just as they made their way across the building finally buckled and caved in on itself, sending the rubble careening into the depths.

“Hm. Wonder where this goes,” Havel said, looking at another of the strange elevators that was in a small room, seeming to extend up quite a ways.

“Ah...I hope it works...” Valkyrie commented.

“Hmm...We’ll double back if we need to, then. For now, let’s keep moving.”

“Incoming!” Valkyrie shouted in alarm, the abominations, that were affectionately nicknamed Bloatheads, were rushing up the stairs and climbing up the edges.

Havel drew his dragontooth, smashing two that had come too close. Valkyrie immediately  slammed her hands onto the ground and watched as a thick wall of flame surged forth on the stairs, preventing even the most foolish from crossing. She then turned her attention to the Bloaters that were attempting to scale the sides, sending Fire Orbs  from boths hands into their faces, causing them to lose their grip and plummet into the waiting abyss.

Havel’s shield intercepted two orbs of dark energy from the two sorceresses on the opposite stairs. He ran down the first set and then right back up the second, steamrolling over the two monsters, his armor crushing them as he stepped over them. “I think we’re clear,” Havel called to Valkyrie, seeing there were no longer any moving enemies to worry about.

Valkyrie ceased the wall of fire and walked over to him, “I don’t think I like this place all that much.”

“Nah, it’s not so bad. I mean, sure, these were once people, but are now abominations of the Abyss...you know, now that I say that out loud, it sounds way worse than I thought it would,” Havel pondered. “But...I see what you mean, about the Abyss, that is. It drove a good friend of mine mad and these poor people into...those things.”

“Not everyone can be saved,” Valkyrie replied sadly, letting out a deep sigh, “Lets keep going before we encounter something we'll regret.”

“As if we haven’t already,” Havel said under his breath, leading the way into the new structure, almost a grand entrance in its own right. They stepped into a large, tall room, lit by torches along the walls, headless female statues holding what looked to be white branches lining both sides of the room. At the end was...something, a being with what appeared to be a metal post stuck to it and wrapped in chains, a large metal ball attached to the edge of a chain that used far wider links than the chains encasing him. “Well...that can’t be good for us…”

The creature just looked at them and screamed in agony before lurching towards them, dragging the ball and chain behind it. “That. That is exactly what I was worried about,” commented Valkyrie.

Havel held his shield at the ready, stepping in front of Valkyrie. “Okay. I’ll take the brunt of its attacks, you take care of it from back here. Decoy and shooter.”

Valkyrie narrowed her eyes and kneeled, hands on the ground, “I think I can do this…” As the abomination continued to lurch forward she quickly caused lava to bubble up around its feet, engulfing them. Just as the creature began to burn she cut the power to the lava, which as many times before, cooled it rapidly, encasing the horror’s feet and lower thigh. Unperturbed, the abomination attempted to continue forward which, unfortunately for it,  the stone proved stronger, enough so that its tortured legs were held in place and with a sick snapping and wet tearing sounds, the thing freed one leg at the knee. With its weight suddenly only on one leg it fell forward, but again the stone proved it sturdiness and did not yield, causing the other leg to separate at the shin. Lacking both legs it slammed into the ground and futilely tried to move about.

Valkyrie stepped back, horrified and a bit sick looking, “Oh gods...”

Havel took this time to raise his dragontooth and then bring it down onto the thing’s chain wrapped head, crushing it one fell swoop, ending its existence. He looked down at the mutated being, shaking his head. “Poor thing,” he muttered. He looked at Valkyrie. “If you need to relieve your stomach’s contents, it’s fine.”

She shook her head, “No...no. I...was expecting this eventually.” she had a look of pleading in her eyes, “Can we go? Now? Before worse show up?”

Havel looked at her, sympathetic to her feelings. “Valkyrie...I’m more worried about what we’ll find moving on than what might show up staying here.”

She gave him a wavering smile, “The closer you get to the darkness the less you can see.”

Havel chuckled, amused. “Alright, then,” he said, leaving his thoughts unspoken. ‘ _It’s what you can’t see that can kill you,’_ he thought to himself as they made their way down a set of stairs to find an elevator again. Getting on it, the panel glowed and they descended. At the bottom of the shaft, they stepped off, and through a hallway lined with six broken cells, the bars bent and broken. The wall at the far end was broken to reveal a lit bonfire. “How about a quick rest?”

Valkyrie eyed the crumbled wall that lead into absolute darkness, “I guess…” she said as she took the farthest corner, with Havel in the middle, of course.

They sat there for a few minutes, left to their own thoughts. All too soon, Havel stood up, walking over to Valkyrie and offering his hand. “Come on. Just a bit further, I’m sure,” he said.

She grabbed his hand and he lifted her to her feet, “No way to go but forward…”

They stepped through the second hole and into complete and utter darkness, barely able to see more than eight feet in front of them. Havel scanned the darkness, noticing that there were small blips of light that seemed to make a path. “Prism stones,” he noted. “Alright. We’ll have to watch our footing. Come on, I think I see where we need to go.” They followed the prism stones for a few minutes, inching along as they tried to see where they were placing their feet. They reached a narrow bridge that appeared to slope down. In the darkness below, Havel noted white outlines that faintly glowed. “Hey, Valkyrie. Does that look like…?”

“Ah.. they are Humanities...we are getting close…” she mumbled as she ignited her flame once more.

“Hang on,” Havel said, stepping down the path, looking at his right hand again. He concentrated, finding it easier than earlier to call upon whatever foul power had invaded his soul. “Alright, you want to feed, then here we go. Even with you taking part of it, there’s more than enough here to help Quelaan.” Havel held out the hand, walking up to a Humanity Phantom taller than he was, touching it with the hand. It began to shrink, disappearing and being stored in Havel’s Darksign, part of it feeding whatever fiendish parasite resided within Havel. Their progress was slowed further by this process, as Havel continued to collect Humanity, continuing along the path set out by the prisms. He suddenly stopped, something having caught his eye. “Alvina?”

“Ah…? Havel, are you hearing things again?” Valkyrie questioned.

“No. I’m seeing things,” he said, walking off the prism stone path. Havel was seeing Alvina, the feline protector of Oolacile’s Royal Woods. He stepped closer to her, when suddenly, she disappeared from his eyes. And from underneath him, the ledge he was standing on vanished, dropping him down. He landed on another ledge with a grunt, the unexpected fall jarring him a little.

“Havel?” Valkyrie shouted in alarm as she rushed to the edge, “Oh.” She pulled out her catalyst from her pouch and quickly cast Fall Control on herself before jumping off.

“Alvina, wait!” Havel jogged ahead, following the disappearing and reappearing cat through the narrow path. The snaking path soon opened into a larger area, a ledge to the right, a doorway to the left. Havel held out his hand, absorbing two Humanity Phantoms that had been coming closer to him. Alvina stood at the far wall, looking at him, before using her paw to hit at the wall behind her. Havel walked up, unsurprised when she disappeared once again. “What’s going on, Alvina?” He put a hand to the wall, pushing against it, surprised when it disappeared. “An illusory wall...in a cave?”

Valkyrie simply followed behind Havel at a distance, ready to attack anything that was bound to pop out.

Havel walked into the new entrance, following the path. “Sif!” Havel ran forward, seeing the wolf that usually accompanied Artorias, Artorias’ greatshield lying before the wolf pup. Sif appeared to be asleep, surrounded by a glowing yellow circle that appeared to be keeping the Humanity Phantoms off of it. Havel quickly dispatched of the phantoms, moving Artorias’ shield once done. He rubbed Sif’s head, waking the wolf. The wolf gave a yawn and then a yip of joy as it realized it was free. It rubbed its head into Havel’s hand, grateful, before running off, soon gone. Havel picked up the greatshield, storing it into his Darksign for the time being.

“I want a pet wolf…” Valkyrie pouted.

“Maybe we can get you one when all this shit is done,” Havel laughed, patting her head for the second time that day. “Come on.” They walked back out, deciding to inspect the entranceway first. “Huh. Another elevator.” Havel stepped into the room, craning his neck to look up. “Must go all the way back up top. Definitely need to remember this one, then.” He walked back out and started following the prism stones again, stumbling onto a corpse with a scroll. Valkyrie was the one to pick it up, Havel picking up one of the prism stones to hold over it for a dim light source.

As Valkyrie read more and more, she became progressively more horrified and it showed on her face.  She rolled up the scroll and stored it in one of her many pouches, “I...The scroll was a journal of a pyromancer that was caught up in all this. He tried to add Humanity to his flames to make them stronger. He succeeded, but…” She glanced at the corpse. “You can figure out what happened.”

Havel nodded gravely, dropping the prism stone back down. “Yeah. But...it sounds useful, however terrible its conception may have been.”

She nodded slowly, “I could teach you it…but not here, apparently his use of this black flame is what drew those large Humanities to him.”

“It can wait, obviously,” Havel agreed. “Alright, back to following these stones.” They continued on, Havel dispatching of the Humanity Phantoms. At one point, the prism stones led to a busted column that had fallen, leading further down. Havel could see prism stones all along its length. “Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Wait...how...Why is there a random column here?” Valkyrie asked, thoroughly confused.

_Oh. You’re asking me. Uhm. Look, it was there when we got here, it will be there when you leave. That building that collapsed was a fluke...probably…?_

“Well, no use debating it, then. Let’s go.” Havel lead the way down, turning back to offer Valkyrie assistance when needed. After a while, they found themselves in front of a large fog gate, both staring up at it. “Well...I suppose this is it. Who knows? Maybe there’s nothing behind it.”

She leveled him a flat stare worthy of Shard, “Yes, and maybe we will all ride a huge black dragon that breathes black flames into the future and attack the sun.”

“Why would we want to attack the sun? I thought you liked the sun. And all its ‘burniness’.”

Valkyrie gave him a deadpan stare before he realized what she was saying.

“Oh...right...sarcasm, that is a thing people do.” Havel walked through then, leaving Valkyrie outside the gate.

She shook her head and sighed, following him through, psyching herself up for the inevitable eldritch horror they were bound to face. She appeared on a ledge overlooking true absolute darkness, “Havel...I have a bad feel-” Just then, that same enormous hand shot up, gunning for Valkyrie.

“Valkyrie, back!” Havel yelled, grabbing the back of her hood and yanking her back behind him. The hand hit him, latching on and reeling back down into the darkness. There was the sound of something slamming from down below a few seconds later and a pain filled yelp.

“HAVEL!” Valkyrie screamed, she pushed herself up and panicked because she knew that the two of them were no match for something that could tear through the boundaries of space and time. ‘ _I have to get the Knights!’_  she thought as she turned back to the fog gate and pushed. The gate resisted her attempts to retreat,  “I don't have time for this!” she pushed harder and harder, slowly moving back through the fog gate. She stumbled as she fell through to the other side finally, quickly picking herself up, she dashed to the elevator they had found, hoping that it would put her somewhere nearby the Knights.

**ALL HANDS ON DECK! THIS IS A LINE BREAK!**

Artorias was sitting up, having finally been allowed by Ciaran to do something other than lay still for the past five hours. He was currently watching her as she moved back and forth, dictating something to Gough. “Ciaran, Gough, what in the blazes are you two doing?” he asked, curious.

Ciaran stopped moving back and forth and looked at Artorias, her mask attached to her belt at the moment. “I’m making a small memorial for the people of Oolacile. When all's said and done, I doubt people will remember much of the citizens who once lived here. It’s just...something to honor them by, I suppose,” Ciaran answered. “Gough is carving the words into the stones for me.”

“Which I have finished,” Gough spoke up, showing Ciaran a small stone that he had first chiseled into a long rectangle with a pyramid tip, then carved the words into it. Ciaran took the memorial from Gough, bringing it over to show it to Artorias.

“In memoriam to  the Oolacile People, Masters of a craft beyond understanding,” Artorias read aloud. He nodded. “A good gesture, that. I am glad to see that you do still care for humans to some degree, Ciaran.”

Ciaran blushed. “Please, do not misunderstand. I still believe humanity as a whole to be filthy and despicable. But there are still those who are innocent, who aren’t deserving of such a gruesome end. And I can appreciate their work into illusions as a whole. Deception is my job, after all,” she replied, placing the stone in the center of the coliseum.

Whatever tender moment they were having was interrupted by an incredible flash of light followed by a loud bang. “What was that?” Gough asked, looking to the entrance of the coliseum.

“That sounded like the spell that woman used against me earlier,” Artorias said, standing up. “Ciaran, help me with my left arm, please,” he asked, putting his helmet back on, while Ciaran picked up the armor for his left arm, helping him strap it in place, finishing just as Valkyrie came running in, panting, her eyes filled with worry and fear.

“Havel!...Arm!...Abyss!” she managed to pant out as she caught her breath.

“Slow down, girl,” Gough rumbled, standing with his greatbow slung across his chest. “Take a breath and try that again.”

“We made ..our way to....a fog gate!” she breathed, slowing down now, “When we went through, we were on a ledge. Then that huge arm that brought us here came out of nowhere and tried to grab me, but Havel threw me out of the way and got grabbed instead!” Her arms were back to flailing around at this point, her entire posture and expression was completely different from when last they had seen her.

“Uh...Valkyrie, right?” Artorias asked, remembering Havel’s earlier comment about her two personalities.

She nodded, before turning back around, “Hurry we need to save him!”

The Knights quickly followed her as she lead them to an elevator. When they reached the building, they stopped, the three humans looking at Gough. “It will be a tight fit, but I believe I can manage,” he assured them.

“Ah...it’s a sorcery powered elevator…”

“Oh...that may take a bit longer, then,” Gough said. Artorias, Ciaran, and Valkyrie went in first, taking the elevator down. At the bottom of the shaft, they could hear Gough grunting as he tried to crawl through to the elevator. Eventually, the light at the top was blocked out by something and soon enough, Gough was slowly shimmying his way down the shaft. “Made it.”

**GO GO GO! GO TEAM GO! LINE BREAK!**

Havel hid behind a large stone, his breathing ragged. His legs had been broken when he was thrown around and was trying to control his ragged breathing after being forced to crawl to cover. This creature, Manus, was nearly as strong as, perhaps even stronger than, the dragons Havel had fought against in the Dragon War.

He pulled out his talisman, casting a small healing miracle, hoping Manus didn’t see the glow. The accompanying roar told him he was wrong. “ _ **I see you, little human! Where is my pendant?!**_ ” Manus roared, slamming his long hand through the stone Havel was hiding behind. Havel ducked under it, rolling away, looking at the monstrosity. The creature was large, covered in dark, tendril like shadows, close to eleven red glowing eyes staring at Havel. Its left arm retracted, the hand attached to pure darkness, abyssal energy keeping it attached to its body. Manus’ right hand held a large catalyst, reminiscent of an axe in its appearance.

“I don’t have your gods damned pendant, monster!” Havel yelled back. “I know not what you are speaking of!”

“ _ **Then you are of no use to me. Be GONE!**_ ” Manus held up his catalyst, gathering dark energy at the tip. He released a smaller orb just before it, Havel going to block it, but it knocked away his shield, the shield flying from his hand. Havel grit his teeth, his wrist nearly broken from the hit. Manus released the larger orb, Havel raising his left hand instinctively. A shield of warped dark energy appeared, intercepting the dark sorcery. Dark red wisps were rising from Havel’s hand, the parasite attempting to feed off of the Humanity in the sorcery, but it soon broke through. While smaller in size, the orb still hit Havel hard, knocking him down onto his back, sending him sliding to slam into the wall of the ledge he had originally come from. Manus stalked towards him, the ground shaking with each footstep.

“Well, at least I can say it took a monster to kill me, I guess,” Havel said, coughing in pain.

Manus lifted his left hand, intent on crushing Havel under it. He was interrupted, however, when Artorias dropped down onto his back, his greatsword digging into the monster’s flesh. Manus roared, raising his head, just in time to see Ciaran’s mask and golden dagger flash before it hit one of his eyes, blinding him in it. Shaking his head and body furiously, he was able to dislodge the two, when a heavy weight landed on his back, pushing him down. Gough had been the next one to drop down, landing perfectly on the Father of the Abyss. He managed to roll Gough off, turning back to Havel only to find him gone. He growled before releasing a scream of rage, rage at having been interrupted in squashing the bug before him. He turned his sights on the Knights, intent on crushing something.

Behind another large rock, Valkyrie was helping Havel to sit up, speaking “So...I, uh, got help.” She looked over the rock to see the three of them doing only minor damage to Manus, “I think it’s working...sorta.”

Havel coughed again, before nodding, pulling his helmet off, breathing in slightly fresher air. “No. You did good,” he said. “I just need a moment to heal. I have only one miracle that might be able to fell this beast. But it takes time. I need a distraction. That flashbang thing you did from earlier. Any idea how big you can make it?” He took out his talisman, healing himself once again as he waited for an answer.

She nodded to herself, “Enough to blow out his eyes from sound alone...probably.” She looked over at him, “It requires focus more than it requires power.”

Havel stood up, looking at the talisman in his hand. “Man, I _really_ liked this talisman,” he said, frowning as he realized that it could very well disintegrate with the miracle he planned to use. “Knights!” he yelled, stepping out from behind the rock. “Sunlight Formation!”

“What’s the Sunlight Formation again?” Artorias asked, jumping back from an overhand smash by Manus.

“We distract the target while Havel charges a miracle,” Ciaran replied from behind him, running at Manus’ hand to strike and then retreat.

“Oh...right, I think I was repressing those particular memories,” Artorias said, watching a great arrow bounce off of Manus’ hide.

“And when Valkyrie yells ‘flashbang’, back off, close your eyes, and look away!” Havel added to his order, holding his hands together as he began to gather the power needed for his strongest offensive miracle.

The Knights continued to hound Manus, drawing his attention every which way as Valkyrie and Havel focused on their own jobs. Soon, Valkyrie was ready, raising her catalyst. “ **FLASHBANG**!” following her shout a visible distortion literally blew out of her catalyst, shattering it, and violently exploded into light and sound right in front of the eldritch being’s face. The pressure from the spell was so intense that Manus’ eyes literally erupted, and the concussive force from the sound disoriented him. The others did not escape unscathed, as Valkyrie was down for the count, Gough and Artorias both extremely disoriented from their helmets amplifying the sound. Only Ciaran and Havel remained mostly unaffected.

“How much longer, sir?” Ciaran asked, looking at Havel, eyes widening when she saw his right arm raised, a bolt of orange lightning crackling and growing in power. She hadn’t seen him charge an attack this powerful since the Dragon War itself.

Havel opened his eyes, done gathering the power. Manus’ vision was slowly coming back and he sensed the buildup of divine energy, turning to find Havel was the source. “ _ **What do you think you can do with borrowed power, tiny human?**_ ” Manus laughed.

“I can get rid of you, foul beast,” Havel said, planting a foot as he drew his arm back. “You may be equal in strength, if not stronger than, the dragons. But even they could be slain by the hands of man. You are no different, I assure you.” With that, Havel flung the bolt, watching as it slammed into Manus. A lightning bolt, or even a great lightning bolt, may have been able to inflict some form of injury on the abyssal abomination. But a Sunlight Spear that was cast with both the power of one’s own faith and the power of the god being called upon and freely given? It could even be stronger than Gwyn’s own spears of sunlight, capable of rending apart anything in its path.

“ _ **NO!**_ ” Manus roared, the power of the spear eating away at the dark energy in his body, overcoming his defenses. He could feel his life slipping away, the power of death slowly embracing him. Soon, Manus fell to the floor of the cavern, lifeless, his catalyst clattering away.

Havel dropped his hand, wincing at the backlash of pain in his right arm. He felt his Darksign pull Manus’ soul into it, storing it away, should Havel find a use for it later on in life, which he doubted he would. He then fell back and started laughing.

“Sir...Havel?” Ciaran asked, pulling her mask off to reveal concern on her face.

Havel waved her off. “I’m fine, Ciaran. Just tired. And shocked. We just killed a being of immense power. I think we’ve earned a bit of rest for that.” He leaned back, watching as Artorias slowly stood up, holding his ringing ears.

“Second time today,” he grumbled. “While a most useful sorcery, it’s quite a nuisance, as well.”

“That was most painful,” Gough agreed, shaking his head.

“Ergh, If you keep this up, I might just think you actually like me or something,” Shard moaned as she sat up. “Can you try to keep the life threatening situations down to a minimum please?” she deadpanned.

“Oh, hi Shard. Welcome back. Just got done killing the stuff of nightmares. How’s your day been?” Havel asked.

Her response was a flat stare, “I know. I was there. For all of it.”

“That’s nice. So...how the fuck do we leave?”

She sighed and stood up, “Simpleton, through the portal floating above the corpse.”

“In my defense, I can’t see it from this angle,” Havel defended. “Also, I may be temporarily blind from that Sunlight Spear.”

“Quite, someone grab him, the rest of you get through that portal.” She paused waiting for movement, “Unless you want to stay here in the Abyss.” She paused once more, “You know, forever.”

Artorias walked over to Havel, helping him up, while Ciaran went to Havel’s other side, trying to help Havel walk, but struggling a bit. Gough simply picked him up after a bit, Ciaran going to pick up his helmet, while Artorias grabbed his shield, the three walking through the portal.

Shard watched them all go through before she finally started to follow. As she raised herself onto the corpse she took one last look at the Abyss, and saw hundreds of little red eyes staring back at her, “Ah...I see. So it didn’t lie.” With that she turned back and vanished into the portal.

Had she stayed even a moment longer, she would have see an oddly dressed man drop down, wielding a large Sniper Crossbow, donned with a Top Hat and grinning mask. “Oh ho?  What is this? Somebody slew the the creature? How...Interesting…” He walked around the corpse looking for anything to loot. His laugh echoed through the emptiness of the abyss.

**DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE BIG GODDAMN HEROES NOW? LINE BREAK!**

The Knights stared at the basin before them, trying to figure out where they were now. “Welcome to present day Lordran, kiddies,” Havel said, blinking. “Huh. I think my vision’s come back a little.”

Shard popped out of the portal just as it wound shut, depositing the last of the group back to the time where only one of them rightfully belonged.

“Well,” Havel said, Gough letting him down, “let’s get back to Firelink. I think we’re all ready for a good long rest. Hell, maybe we should just take a vacation. Not like the world’s gonna get unfucked any quicker if we take a day or two off.”

**DOPPITY DO! FIRELINKED!**

As the group approached Firelink, Shard stopped and braced herself on the cliffside. Taking a deep breath she let herself fade back. Valkyrie stumbled as she gained control, determination on her face as she set a course over to Logan and Griggs. The two saw her approaching, bruised and dirtied and they were thoroughly confused. Logan voiced as such, “Lass, did you not just leave minutes ago? What could have possibly turned you from your path?”

She gave him a weak smile, “It is a long story...Logan, can I join you on your expedition? I need to get stronger...Havel almost died because of me.”

Logan studied her from under that Big Hat of his, “I...do not see any issue with such a request. You have proven yourself to be of a strong and imaginative mind.” His lips creased, “But, I will not be lenient, nor held back, by you. I will teach you, and it will be your duty to learn, not mine. Do you understand?”

Valkyrie nodded while Griggs looked on, surprised, “I understand Master Logan...but I will need another catalyst, mine, ah...blew up.” She blushed as she admitted to such a folly, knowing that such things are difficult to come by in this land.

Logan looked at her, with his eyebrow raised, “...Yes, you will most definitely be telling me this story of yours. Come, I have already packed plenty of food and drink. We set off now and will see about acquiring you a proper catalyst for the future,” he stated as he stood up and brushed off the dirt, brokering no complaint.

Valkyrie could only sigh and nod, giving a parting wave and a copy of the bundle of scrolls to Griggs, she followed Logan, “Yes, of course Master Logan.”

**END CHAPTER**

**Sneaky: Poor Val, we are so hard on her. Ah well, ‘tis Dark Souls after all! So now I know, some of you are once more shaking your heads(if you even got to this point) and have some complaint or another about *censored by maxforce* ...Fuck you to max.**

**Max: If you want to insult me, at least use proper grammar.**

**EDIT: Max:So, as you can see, not a lot of major edits to this chapter. We will now be moving away from the somewhat quick updates to far slower updates. Sorry about that. But, rewrites and revisions don’t take as long as lore-digging and story-telling do.**

**Sneaky: And college. And jobs. And life. Don’t worry though! We have no plans of abandoning this story(or improving my grammar/spelling)**

  


**OMAKES**

**Over the Mountain**

She stared at him, waiting for an answer. When none came she decided to see what made him stop...by jumping up and then walking right over him, now standing in front of him.

“Did...did you just walk over me?” Havel asked, shocked out of his stupor.

**Welcome to Oolacile**

Havel and Valkyrie were exploring Oolacile, currently inspecting a tower with two rickety floors. They heard a wailing noise, the noise that usually preceded a red spirit showing up. Havel quickly stepped to the door, his shield up and head swiveling back forth as the invasion was completed.

DARK SPIRIT 1R0NxM4N_TURTL3 HAS INVADED!

A hammer came smashing down on Havel’s shield, pushing him back slightly. The red spirit at the end of it looked at the two, shaking his head in disgust. “Hey, quit using your boyfriend as a fucking shield!” he yelled at Valkyrie, assuming her to be the host of this world.

Valkyrie pouted, “But he makes such a good shield!”

The Spirit nodded, “Fair enough.” And proceeded to roll off the ledge. Valkyrie joined him.

**Hi-Ho, Calamity!**

“Wait, wait, wait...Kalameet is here?” Havel asked.

“Yes, he is. Right down in that valley, in fact,” Artorias answered, pointing through the entrance of the coliseum. “Why?”

Havel looked at the entrance, back to the group, and then back to the entrance, before walking towards. “I’ll just be a minute,” he said, disappearing from a view after a minute.

A few moments later, Artorias, Shard, and Ciaran heard the roar of a dragon. “Kalameet!” Artorias exclaimed, looking up to see the figure of the black dragon circling over them. “He never comes here! Why now?”

Kalameet roared again, coming in for a dive. At the last second, his wings flared and he landed gently, staring at Artorias. Ciaran and Shard were both ready with their respective weapons, glaring at Kalameet, when Havel suddenly popped up from behind Kalameet’s head. “Alright, got us a new ride!” he said, clapping his hands together as if he were dusting them off.

“How...why...when?” Artorias couldn’t quite find the right question to ask, as Havel rode off into the sudden sunset.

**Doki Doki**

She stilled, and coughed into one hand, “Ahem, ah. Havel...is..is Artorias seeing anyone?”

“Yes, actually. She’s a master assassin. Who can make it look like a kitten killed you with a spoon. Why do you ask?”

“Ah, is she, uh...important?”

“Important as in…?”

“Would anyone miss her if she suddenly...disappeared?”

“I don’t like the turn of this conversation…”

**Tens All Around**

Havel looked back to the door to see a small, petite figure walk through the dissipating fog, staring at the ground, her blonde hair tied into a braided ponytail, the blue cloth she wore swaying slightly with her movement. She apparently wasn’t watching her feet, as she stumbled on Havel’s helmet. She did two tumbles before jumping into the air and doing a tucked somersault, landing on her feet, her arms raised. There came the sound of three set of hands clapping and she saw Havel, Shard, and even Artorias clapping. “I’d give that a ten!” Havel exclaimed. “What about you guys?”

“Impressive, indeed,” Shard agreed, nodding. “Ten, as well.”

“That’s my girl!” Artorias cheered, whistling. “Ten from me!” Seeing as he had one working hand, he had to settle for just slapping his thigh repeatedly, rather than clap.

Ciaran blushed before taking a bow.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5: The not-so Public Library Expedition Association (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isn't learning a wonderful thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sneaky: Sorry it took so long to get this down, Max decided to get injured and shit, and since he’s my focus I never remembered to write. Life n’ shit. Yeah. Oh, and you know. Fleshing out a magic system that is poorly defined! Huzzah! Oh and like, I’ve been basically disowned by my family, currently jobless and have one month left in the apartment I’m currently living in. On top of that, I was hit by the Curse of the Fanfic Writer, and had a critical failure on my computer’s CPU across several cores. Which basically means I have to buy a new CPU and Motherboard...costing me weeks’ worth of food money.
> 
> Also, keep in mind that what we, the readers and writers know, is not what the the characters think they know….and that I’m not a writer. I don’t write for hobby or for fun, I write for you, so be bloody grateful.

**CHAPTER START!**

The pair walked silently forward through the ruins, known as Undead Burg to those that remained, Logan casually casting and blasting the occasional Hollow. It wasn’t until they reached the Bridge did Valkyrie muster the nerve and energy to pose a question, “Master Logan, why did we take the long route? There was an elevator right in the camp…” she trailed off, noticing that Logan had stopped moving.

He turned to her, his face having lost any sign of cheer, “I ask you girl, would you have mustered the courage to speak if we had?”

She wilted a bit, knowing the answer, “Ah...no…”

His face softened as a more haggard look creeped in, “Our task ahead requires much of us girl, I need to know you are up to it. Giving it your all will not be enough,” he looked out over the masonry edging the large bridge, “I have been traveling for nearly five hundred years by my records...and yet I only departed one hundred some years ago, according to...Griggs’ journal.” He looked back at her, “What do you think that means? Think of that lass, then think of your story, whatever it may be, and how you seemed to have a full day of intense adventure yet only tens of minutes had passed for the rest of us.”

She paused, thinking on it, Logan nodding when he saw her eyes open wide, full of panic, “Time...”

“Yes, time is unraveling, and with it, space.” His face now grim, “if my calculations are correct, and I have no doubt they are, the First Flame is locked in a self-destructing cycle. It is fading, causing reality to unravel...leading to the Flame requiring more energy to hold it together...which causes it to fade faster...causing more of reality to unravel, and when it fades...it will take with it the anchor that holds our now fragile reality together…”

Genuine worry played across her face, “Master Logan, what...what happens when the anchor disappears?”

His mouth was pressed into a thin line, the air of defeat hung about him, “I don’t know Valkyrie. I can only speculate what could happen based off what currently occurs with said anchor waning in strength.” Resting his arms on the palisade he looked onto the horizon, “It's possible all the realities will collide causing the world to be populated by millions if not more versions of everyone. Maybe swaths of land shall become time-locked permanently. Maybe reality collapses in on itself, without the foundation, the anchor, to hold it in balance...annihilating everyone and everything. Maybe all three?” He shook his head, “No matter the situation, there is not a single outcome that ends in any manner that could be seen positively.” He turned around, back on the stone with his arms crossed, “Now, are you ready to tell me _what_ exactly happened that violated all known laws of time and space?”

“...the Abyss,” she said, now subdued, “We were attacked by a creature called Manus, the supposed ‘Father of the Abyss’. It ripped us through time and space, to almost several hundred years into the past...to the Fall of Oolacile.”

“Yes, I can see how fighting an Eldritch Horror like that would necessitate for the need to stress your catalyst on an prototype spell, even with the knowledge of all the horrific things that could happen on backfire...some I would say would be quite preferable to fighting or dying to such a monster.” Logan commented, nodding slowly to himself.

“We fought it in the Abyss, “ she caught the disapproving look from Logan, “it was not our choice, Havel was snatched by it...and we barely arrived in time to rescue him. We had no option but to fight it, and hope that on its defeat we would have a way home…”

“A foolish hope...but one only can assume by the fact that we are speaking, that such a thing occurred. You are fortunate, not only did you survive such an ordeal but you also brought back with you the last copy of Oolacile sorceries.” He allowed a small grin to slip out, “This is why I believe you will do just fine as my assistant, and apprentice in the Archives. Maybe with your apparent luck we can find something to help our plight.”

“Ah…” Valkyrie drawled, “should I call Huggin? I don’t think there is any other way to get into Anno Londo anymore.”

Logan turned his head away and coughed into his hand, light blush on his cheeks, “Ahem, yes that would be helpful, it would certainly save me- I mean us, the embarrassment of traveling all the way to the entrance only for it to be blocked wouldn’t it? Hah…” he laughed weakly.

Nodding in agreement, she looked expectantly at the sky as if- _Oh. Right yeah. I’ll send the blasted bird your way._

The two awkwardly sat there in silence, Logan waiting for her to call the bird, and Valkyrie waiting for me to call the bird. _Oh calm down its-_

As the enormous crow landed in front of them, both Logan and Valkyrie moved to mount it, “Alright Huggin, we need to head the the Archives place. It’s the tall pointy building.”

With a caw that they both took as an affirmative, it lowered itself down allowing the two to mount it. When they finished boarding the bird, it gave another caw before taking off once more, flying to the city...with a lot of tall...pointy...buildings... _Sigh, this may take some time._

**Several Hours Later**

“I think that is the one! Try landing there Huggin!” Valkyrie exclaimed cheerfully.

Huggin cocked its head enough to give Valkyrie a one-eyed glare before redirecting its attention back to landing. Logan however picked up the slack and alternated between giving a deadpan stare and pained glare towards his new apprentice.

Valkyrie’s upbeat attitude finally paid off when the dirt path they landed on _was_ in fact the correct entrance to the correct tall and pointy building. “On the bright side, we didn’t have to walk!” she chirped. Needless to say, Huggin was _not_ amused and proceed to demonstrate such by falling asleep. _Or I mean, he could be just tired, not really an expert of steroid infused crows._

Logan dismounted the bird and sighed, “Come along Valkyrie, the fabled Duke’s Archives won't read itself for us.” He paused, struck by that idea, “Then again...it _is_ Seathe…” Shaking his head he continued on, “Regardless, even if there was some sort of master index to the library, I doubt we would gain access to it and remain alive.”

“Ah...right,” Valkyrie replied, hopping off of Huggin and trailing behind Logan.

**Luh-Luh-LINEBREAK!**

Logan shook his head in exasperation, “Any reason you _didn't_ kill those metal boars? Some warning would've been nice.”

“Ah…”, Valkyrie ducked her head in embarrassment, “I might have forgotten about them.” At his sigh she felt she had to justify it with, “ It was a long day!” Feeling the disappointment rolling of Logan with the poor excuse she continued, “besides, it was like... a year ago!”

Logan stopped at the comment and turned around to give her, what she assumed to be, a deadpan stare, the effectiveness of such a stare was reduced due to a hat rim covering his face, “Valkyrie, from what I know, it has only been roughly four days since you arrived in Lordran.”

“Ah…?” she looked puzzled, “G-man! Back me up on this!”

_What? I don’t know time, I’ve been busy on other stories. It is not like you are the only story I work on._

“Ah.” Logan took Valkyrie now downtrodden face as a signal to continue down the oddly long and barren hallway.

His face scrunched up in confusion, “This is odd, we should have found _something_ by now. We’ve just walked a distance equal to the length of the Duke’s Archives exterior proportions…” His head snapped up with an epiphany, “Of course! He is using spartal sorcery, most likely abusing the distortions caused by the First Flame and some form of Quantum Physics. I don’t doubt that if we turned back now, we will suddenly find ourselves back at the entrance to the hallway.”

With that, they both turned around and found Logan to be sort-of half right. Instead of the hallway they had been walking down, it was a large archway with thick metal bars, complete with blueish blobby abominations, with tentacles, in mass lying on the other side.

_Is this a bad time to mention that it was a trap?_

Valkyrie nodded, “Yeah I was getting the trappy feel when we had walked for like an hour down a two minute hallway.”

Logan shrugged, “Well, I wasn’t wrong? Mostly.” He paused to purse his lips, “What are the chances that if we turn around it will just be a jail cell?”

Valkyrie and G-man both said, “Knowing my/ _your_ luck... At least….one hundred percent.”

He pondered this, “If I was right, then the act of observation is what changed what was behind us. Meaning that if we don’t turn around and walk backwards we might walk back into the hallway…”

“The hallway that never ended?” she questioned.

Logan sighed, “Of course, we would need to turn around at some point if we wanted to lose the jail cell, which would just seal us into the rest of it.”

Valkyrie nodded along, “That makes sense. A jail cell isn’t a hallway.”

Logan stroked his chin in thought, “Indeed, a jail cell isn’t a hallway. Even better, a jail cell with bars has to lead somewhere!” He slumped a bit, “But the bars are no doubt enchanted for sturdiness… and those creatures are likely anti-sorcery abominations.”

Valkyrie shrugged, unconcerned, “Ah… but everything can burn if the fire is hot enough, and I am very good at the fwoosh.” She paused in thought, “or I could just lava-ify the floor and sink-slash-melt all our current problems away.”

Logan smiled, “Yes, that does make escaping the cell far easier. Undoubtedly, I would of had to wait for someone to come rescue me had I come alone.” Tapping his chin in thought, “Yes, likely you and Havel would have been the ones to rescue me once more. ‘Tis a good happenstance that you came back when you did then.”

_I can’t say much, but he isn’t wrong this time._

Without much ado, Valkyrie placed her hands on the ground and began precisely channeling her pyromancy to melt the floor under the bluish blob like creatures. The creatures were unreactive, until the floor turned into lava, at which point they were _very_ reactive to the floor under them which was currently busy being _lava_.

To accurately describe the sounds that came from the creatures, imagine a pig being cut open alive, then set on fire, and put into an echo chamber multiplied by ten. Then they promptly exploded. Soon after the floor got tired of being lava and turned back into a lumpy misshapen floor.

Logan coughed.

Valkyrie blinked and stood back up, “Ah… “

Logan coughed again, “Well. That was… highly disturbing.” He paused, “And utterly disgusting.”

“I guess I will melt the bars now…” she awkwardly trailed off, unsure of the proper reaction to what just happened, hands igniting in Chaos Flame.

The bars had proven to be as study as Logan guess, as being coated in lava had elicited no reaction at all from the seemingly black wrought iron bars. Obviously Valkyrie took this as a challenge and proceeded to coat, launch or otherwise pelt the jail’s bars with every manner of flame she could muster, to no result. When Valkyrie provided to be incapable of freeing them, Shard nudged her way in and attempted the same. Shard too, produced no result, and slunk back into the recesses of their soul slightly depressed.

She sighed, “That is it, I’m out of ideas.”

He frowned, “Shame, if only we had a powerful enchantment disruptor. It is a pity they are too large to be Dark Sign-ed into hammerspace.”

Valkyrie grew pensive, “Would a pyromancy fueled by humanity work?”

“It… is possible. It isn’t as simple as ah...’adding’ Humanity to your flame is it?”

She shook her head, “No, it is going to hurt like being dunked in a barrel of Chaos Flame. I found the instruction on how to properly do the process in the Abyss.”

Logan nodded along, “Will it be dangerous to you? I realize you are a bit more reliant on Humanity than most inhabitants of this cursed continent.”

“Ah…”, She paused,”maybe? It will be like...ripping stitches and using what oozes out to fuel the flame.” She paused again “I won’t have control over how much oozes out though, so be prepared for anything.”

Steeling herself she ripped the not-quite-metaphorical stitches and quickly shunted the Humanity that poured out into a very souped-up version of what could be called Great Combustion. With the snap of her fingers, and a “ **Dark Combustion**!”, the black flame poured forth, immolating and consuming the whole door. Just as rapidly the flames died, leaving behind small black flames still eating at the metal at the edges of the cone.

As the last of the flames sputtered out, Valkyrie collapsed to one knee, clutching her chest in agonizing pain. Before he could ask anything, a high-pitched whine pierced the air, causing both of them to flinch at the sharp pain it induced.

Logan whipped out his catalyst just in time as two of the highly disturbing snake-men, that had inhabited Sen’s Fortress, dropped down from above. With a wordless jab, he sent a soul spear at each of them. Surprised at his reaction time, and given no time to recover from the drop, they were both impaled and killed by the sorceries.

The high pitched whine continued. “Lovely,” Logan sighed. “Valkyrie, we need to turn the alarm off, no doubt there are more snake-men ahead, can you fight?”

She shakily pushed herself up, leaning heavily on her knees, “Y...Yes, I’m f...fine.” Between heavy breaths she started giggling, “ That…” she grinned, “was a really big Fwoosh!”

“Valkyrie!” Logan snapped, “This is not the time! Focus, we have abominations to...kill…” he trailed off then added, “...and study.”

“Ah…” she shook her head rapidly back and forth, “ sorry Master Logan. I’ll be sure to try to not Fwoosh them to ash.” She frowned suddenly shifting to a more serious posture, “After I take care of this racket first,” she commented as she placed her hands on the wall and concentrated.

Before Logan could question her actions a large explosion followed by a rockslide with copious amounts of lava beyond the inlet, and the alarm stopped with it. She smirked, “That is better.”

Logan pursed his lips, “Apprentice, while I appreciate, acknowledge, and admire your capabilities in and out of combat with pyromancy...perhaps limit yourself on the area of effect while we reside in an _archive_ , yes?”

She blinked, “Ah...I forgot.”

His response could have dried an ocean, “Yes. I noticed.” He sighed, “ Now let's get going, although that infernal racket has been silenced I have little doubt that the rest of Seath’s minions have been alerted regardless. We should find ourselves a way out of this….prison wing before we start celebrating.”

She nodded, properly chastised, “Ah….sorry Master.”

With that, they ventured forth from their now defunct cell, Logan circumventing the pile of rubble to take care of the squad of snakemen barreling down the stairs. While Valkyrie climbed the rubble for a better vantage point and to check to see if there were any more enemies coming from where they balcony once was attached. Fortunately for them, Valkyrie was correct in her idea as when she popped her head above the edge and spotted several snake-women, who quickly blasted their lighting magics at her, she was able to duck back down and just as quickly coat the alcove in fireballs.

**LINE BUREAK**

It was a short uneventful trip of awe and boredom for the two sorcerers. Awe, due to the sheer size of the Archives and the amount of books, and boredom, due to how easy it was to kill the snakemen. Their travels up the stairs were slowed as the alarm spread through the building, calling more and more snakemen and crystal skeletons to try and halt their advance.

They quite obviously failed in their attempt, being that while unhinged, one was a very competent pyromancer and the other a centuries old sorcerer who had created sorceries fabled to be on par with gods.

Eventually the waves of monsters just stopped, as they had reached the end of the stairs and were not at the foot of the ladder leading out, which was appreciated by Valkyrie. She managed to huff out in-between labored breaths, “Ha~ Master Logan, is that all? I’m really tired now…”

“I’m afraid not apprentice, it is likely they sealed the door leading out of this prison. We will need your fire one last time before we are free.”

“Ah…” she drooped as they both began to climb the ladder. When they had reached the top Valkyrie prepared her fire once more, to blow the lock off, however Logan quickly stopped her.

“Do you hear tha-” was all he managed to get out before the door blew open and a crystal golem plowed out. Logan managed to drop to the ground, evading a majority of the damage...and the golem’s attention. Valkyrie however was not as lucky, she had no time to block and her lack of energy gave her a slow reaction time.

This all culminated with the golem driving its stub into her chest, shattering her ribcage and sending her flying off the edge.

 

_Oh._

 

**CHAPTER 5 PART 1 END**


	6. Chapter 5 Part 2: That part where Havel starts a club and they do things...let's call it...The Adventure Club, by happenstance that is also a weapon.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen with Havel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sneaky:Yeah so it turns out max can't write alone. That and I kinda got framed for plagiarization and kicked out of college. And other shit so yeah that was fun. Anyway, chapter.  
> Max: This is most definitely the last time we attempt to write a segmented chapter like this without consulting constantly. It ended horribly.

His eyes cracked open, or at least one did...the other felt...empty, as pain wracked his body. His armor was now stuffy, hot, the familiar and hated scent of sweat and blood mixing wafting from it. The stench of death hung in the air, as heavy and suffocating as every time before. Removing himself from the pool of gore was priority, but only one arm responded to his plan.. He looked towards his shoulder, seeing only the torn strips of skin and muscle where his arm used to be. _‘Strange,’_ he thought to himself, too shocked to really feel fear or panic. _‘My arm isn’t supposed to be all the way over there.’_

**DREAM SEQUENCE! LINE BREAK!**

Havel jerked awake, reaching for his right arm on reflex. He breathed a sigh of relief as skin met skin, flexing the fingers on his right hand, reassuring himself that it had only been a dream this time. He looked to his left, seeing his armor neatly piled beside him. The last thing he remembered was leading the Four Knights with Shard to Firelink and then seeing the ground rising to meet him as his vision began to black out. His arm gave a twinge, a quick spasm, then settled down, a reminder of the miracle he had used against Manus.

“You’re awake, Havel,” Gwyndolin said as he approached Havel, grabbing the man’s attention. “You’ve been out for quite a few hours now.”

“Yeah, well, throwing a Sunlight Spear can do that to a human,” Havel snorted, shaking his head as he sat himself up. “Glad to have my sight back, at least.” His arm gave another spasm, this time in the form of his hand involuntarily clenching.

Gwyndolin frowned, having seen the movement and Havel’s brief annoyance at the muscles in his arm. “It was too powerful, wasn’t it?” he asked, concern in his tone.

Havel shook his head. “No, no. If it was too powerful, I wouldn’t be talking to you right now. It was just more powerful than anything I’ve had to use before now.” Havel massaged the arm with his left hand, wincing slightly.

“Why isn’t it healed? The Knights told me of what transpired when you and the young pyromancer left. Surely such an injury could be easily taken care of through use of your healing miracles.” Gwyndolin seemed legitimately confused as to why Havel hadn’t simply healed himself.

Havel gave another snort, this one more amused than the previous. “Because that’s like cleaning water with more water. I can’t just heal away rampant...whatever energy makes up miracles. If I had managed to injure myself, break something, even dismemberment, I could heal that. But healing damage caused by my own miracle isn’t so easy,” Havel explained. He slowly stood up, taking care to keep his right arm tucked close to his body. “As it stands, I still have control over my arm. There will just be moments where I’ll lose control of it until the energy has completely dissipated.”

“Morning, sir!” Artorias greeted jovially, walking up to Havel on the right.

Havel’s right arm suddenly swung out, nailing Artorias in the gut, causing the tall knight to bend over, air vacating his lungs for the moment. “Yeah, kinda like that,” Havel casually noted. “Sorry. Spasms.”

Artorias simply nodded, taking air in with shallow breaths. “Perfectly...understandable,” was the reply, breaths taken in between every other syllable. Artorias slowly walked away, moving to lean against a nearby wall.

“Sir Artorias, are you going to be okay?” Gwyndolin questioned, subtly edging away from Havel’s right side.

Havel shrugged, answering for the wolf knight, “He’s taken far worse in our training sessions. Hell, he still has both lungs this time, he’ll be fine.” Havel quickly changed the subject. “So, speaking of the young pyromancer who was with me, have you seen her?”

Gwyndolin shook his head, his outfit rustling slightly in the light breeze starting to kick up. “She left with that sorcerer. Logan, I believe his name was. Griggs was the last person she talked to before following after Logan. Unfortunately, I am unaware of the location they left for.” A noise to the side had Havel turning his head to see a female in bronze knight armor, standing with her hand calmly placed on the butt of a short sword on her hip. “Ah, Havel. This is my knightess. I do not believe you two have met yet,” Gwyndolin said, directing a simple gesture in the direction of the knightess.

“It is an honor, Bishop Havel,” the knightess said, kneeling on a knee and bowing her head.

“Likewise,” Havel said, inclining his head as he rolled his eyes at the formal behavior. Since when did people bow to bishops? “Thank you for taking care of Gwyndolin. I trust he wasn’t too much of a brat in my absence?”

“Far from it, sir,” the woman said, standing up. “My time serving milord has been fulfilling, to say the least.”

“Might I know your name, then, knightess?”

“It is…” she trailed off.

“Is…?” Havel prompted.

“It is Luna, sir,” she mumbled.

“I’m...I’m sorry, what?” Havel leaned in a bit closer.

“Luna. Sir,” she ground out.

“Your name is Luna...and you work for the man who represents the moon…”

“Yes...sir. I have heard it many times before you,” she replied.

“...It was Gwyndolin’s idea, wasn’t it?”

With a long suffering sigh, “Yes sir…”

“He never was very creative growing up,” Havel mused, rubbing at his chin.

“Yes… sir…”

“I’m...standing right here, uncle,” Gwyndolin chimed in, frowning at his uncle and knightess. “Anyways...I was hoping that you might be willing to come with me to Anor Londo. There is something I wish to retrieve from father’s tomb. And you expressed a desire to see it yourself.”

Havel nodded. “Alright. Let me just grab one of the knights to come with us. Ciaran would be good on this.” Gwyndolin gave a nod of agreement. Havel walked over to the three of the Four Knights he had brought back with him, smiling at having more familiar faces at the shrine. “So,” he started, catching their attention. “What do you think of Lordran’s current state?”

“In all honesty, I rather dislike it,” Ciaran spoke, frowning. Her mask lay by her, staring into the sky. “There is no true sense of time. Since we arrived here, the day turned to night and back in but a small span of time. It is disconcerting, to say the least.”

“And ‘twould be best if the state of the buildings and that of Anor Londo itself were left for another conversation,” Gough chimed in. “The wall seems to have held well, but the same cannot be said for that of the surrounding town.”

Havel nodded, in full agreement with his comrades. “And what say you, Artorias? Assuming you have caught your second wind, that is,” Havel chuckled, patting the standing knight on the back.

Artorias joined Havel’s little chuckle with one of his own. “I am in full agreement. I am saddened by the state of our land. But there is little that can be done by simply talking about it, sir,” Artorias said, standing straight and proud. “I am eager to assist in any way possible, General Havel!” Havel glared at Artorias, who simply stared straight ahead. After a few beats, the two began to smile and laugh, their hands clasping in a vigorous shake.

“Then I shall make full use of your eagerness, soldier. You can rest assured of that.” Havel released the hand, looking down to Ciaran. “Unfortunately for our wolf here, he is still injured and requires rest, until such a time as I deem him fit for duty. In the meantime, I need the help of a hornet for a quick jaunt into Anor Londo.”

“And what good will an assassin do in that situation?” Ciaran asked, grabbing her mask as she stood up, sliding it on.

“You will be assisting in keeping Gwyndolin safe as we attempt to retrieve something important. It would be nice if he would actually tell me what it is, but this should be a fairly simple smash and grab if it comes down to that,” Havel explained, turning around to walk back to Gwyndolin, Ciaran now in tow. “And Artorias, I’m serious. You need to rest for now. I only did a patchwork job on that arm. It’s gonna need at least a day or two. Then we work on your muscles for a bit. Gough, if you have to sit on him to make him rest, then do so,” Havel said over his shoulder as he walked away.

“Ha, good one, Havel,” Artorias said with a short bark of laughter. It was when there was no reply that Artorias began to sweat a bit. “That...that was a joke, right? Gough, he was joking, right?”

“I don’t believe he was,” Gough answered.

**ZIP ZAP BANG: Line BREAK!**

The short elevator ride up was silent, the elevator itself a bit crowded with four beings inside. As they stepped off the elevator into the parish, Havel finally spoke up, raising an important point. “Gwyndolin, out of curiosity, how are we going to get back into the city? The entrance past Sen’s Funhouse is blocked up,” he said, looking at the god.

“To mortals, yes, it is blocked off,” Gwyndolin explained, walking slightly ahead of his uncle, Ciaran darting ahead to secure a path, while Luna kept her hand on her sword, walking behind and to the right of Gwyndolin. “However, that way can be opened by a god. It was meant to be a last defense of sorts, when the Undead and Hollowed became a problem. Among other things.”

“Let me guess. Revolt. Revolution. Coup d'etat, however else you wish to refer to it as.” Gwyndolin’s silence was answer enough for Havel, who sighed as a result. “Yeah. Go figure. Everything went to hell a few dozen times over. And I bet it has something to do with the First Flame, right?”

“Only partially, uncle. Humans are, by nature, horrible creatures. As you yourself witnessed in the years after the war in which you and my father fought to free humans. They are never truly satisfied with anything. Word of the First Flame fading and the Witch’s experiment failing spread like, excuse me, wildfire. The news merely coincided with the mere fact that they desired a change in rulers.” By this point, they were standing at the narrow bridge leading to the fortress. Ciaran waved from the other end, signaling all-clear. Havel taking point just in case, with Luna covering the rear.

“There were also rumors coming from New Londo of a new problem, the Darkwraiths. The Four Kings, whom my father had entrusted with but a minor shard of his soul, had been planning a revolution for some time. The First Flame dying gave them all they needed to rally more to their cause. And of course, there were the problems with our neighbors of Oolacile, who had cut off all contact. Artorias was sent to investigate both problems. Gough and Ciaran left of their own free will when he did not return for some months.” Gwyndolin noted the fallen axes, commenting, “Your handiwork, uncle?”

Havel nodded. “No way in hell was I going to risk getting hit by one of those things. I’d like to keep my conversion to Undeath from happening for as long as possible,” Havel answered. “Ciaran. Valkyrie and I cleared most of the things in here when we first came through. But check ahead, take care of anything that may have made its way here since. You are free to use whatever means necessary if they are resistant to reasoning and logic.”

“Sir,” Ciaran nodded, melting into the shadows in a corner. Thinking about it now, Havel realized that this place wasn’t all that well lit, meaning there were plenty of shadows for Ciaran to move between.

“Continue, Gwyndolin,” Havel said as he led the way across the bridges.

“Yes, of course,” was the prince’s reply, clearing his throat. “With all that was happening, on top of my sister’s marriage to Flann, and my father leaving for the Kiln soon after, it fell to me to protect Anor Londo. Unfortunately, I was unsure of what to do and as such, created the illusions, which you broke, in an effort to calm the people. I left Ornstein and Smough with the task of protecting the illusion of my dear sister, while ensuring the golems would keep a silent vigil against invaders. The entrance was also blocked up, as you saw, and all humans, aside from my own knightess and any who swore fealty to me...were expelled from the fortress and the adjoining chapel.” Gwyndolin sighed, his eyes falling to the ground for a beat. “Stuck behind the gate of fog, I did not realize just how many decades...nay, mayhaps even centuries passed. To me, it was but a short time. A handful of years, at best.”

“Actually, that bit bothers me,” Havel interrupted. “I understand your sense of time being a bit messed up. But what about Luna? Surely _you_ would have noticed so much time passing.”

“Time is not quite the same for those who are bound to the flames, Bishop Havel,” Luna replied. “Just as time has distorted for all of Lordran, perhaps even the world, time has always been distorted for me since swearing fealty to milord. While years may pass for a normal human, but a span of weeks or months would pass for me. The mere fact that I am even able to be away from that accursed bonfire is thanks to milord allowing me to serve directly by his side once again.”

“Ah. You have had a hard job, then. My apologies and condolences.”

“And so, it was in that way that I kept a vigil over Anor Londo,” Gwyndolin continued, ending his explanation with, “until you burst through the gate and decided to butt heads with me.”

“Ha, good times,” Havel laughed, resulting in another sigh from Gwyndolin, though this one somehow sounded a bit happier than his previous one. By now, they had reached the top, the trek through the fortress noticeably easier without axes, boulders, bombs, and hostiles slowing progress down. Ciaran was waiting on the platform, inspecting a rapier. “I guess you ran into a bit of trouble, then.”

“It was only a minor nuisance, I assure you, sir,” was Ciaran’s answer as she gave the rapier a slight flourish, before attaching it to her hip. She was going to keep the sword for the time being.

“Job well done, Ciaran. Gwyndolin, if you would?” Havel gestured to the wall at the end of the platform. Gwyndolin walked ahead, the blocks seeming to melt away as he neared. Havel, Luna, and Ciaran fell into step behind him, torches lighting the path, while behind them the blocks reappeared. After a few minutes of silence and the dim lighting, they came out to see Anor Londo spread out before them, the setting sun making the scene a beautiful sight to see. “Right. So, we just have to head to the tomb, yes?”

“Yes. What I seek is there. And you made mention that you wished to see it for yourself,” Gwyndolin affirmed, walking down the long stairs. The golems did not move, allowing for quick travel to the next elevator. After making their way down to the tomb, Gwyndolin led the way, stopping as they reached a chair, a scroll laying on top of it. Gwyndolin picked it up, holding it gently. “This is what I wished to retrieve. A miracle made by my older brother, faint as he is in my memories.”

“Older brother?” Havel asked, frowning. He felt something trying to push through a fog in his mind, but it fell back soon after. Havel’s frown persisted as he realized that his memory was failing him suddenly. “Gwyndolin, what is...I feel as though I am missing something in my memory.”

“There was a son before my sister and myself. The firstborn son of Gwyn. He forsook his powers as a god, choosing instead to walk among the mortals. He left a miracle of his own behind, along with his power. I know not of where he went. His very existence was seemingly erased from history itself.” Gwyndolin slowly unfurled the scroll, staring at it. “The only being that may remember him is father himself, but father left for the Kiln...centuries ago?”

Havel looked at the scroll over Gwyndolin’s shoulder. “Quite a miracle,” Havel marveled, reading through the chants and notes along the side. He reached for the scroll, Gwyndolin relinquishing it, staring at his uncle. Havel removed his helmet to get a better look at the scroll, putting it on the chair. He rubbed at his chin, muttering to himself as he studied the scroll more closely. “I did something like this...but far, far weaker…”

Ciaran sighed, taking a seat on the small set of stairs that led up to the chair. “I fear we may be here a bit longer than intended, Lord Gwyndolin,” she said, resting her chin on a hand. “He may well decide to tear that miracle to pieces now. And that will take some time.”

“How long do you suppose it will take?” Gwyndolin inquired.

“Well, if we give it about half an hour, we may be able to convince him to hold off on studying it further until we get back to Firelink Shrine, milord. We shall have to entertain ourselves until then.” Ciaran pulled the rapier from her hip, studying its blade once again.

Gwyndolin looked to his knightess, who merely stared back, her head slightly inclined to the side. Gwyndolin sighed, taking a seat beside the assassin. “Perhaps I should have waited until we were on our way back, then,” he noted, regretting not having the foresight to have seen this coming.

**WITH A CRACK OF THUNDER A WILD LINE BREAK APPEARS**

Hours later, the group of four was back at Firelink Shrine, after Gwyndolin and Ciaran had finally managed to convince Havel that it would be better to study the miracle in depth at the shrine, in relative comfort. He was currently sitting down by Anastacia’s cage, the scroll unfurled in front of him, a quill and ink well to his right and papers, all three items provided by Domhnall, surrounding him. Anastacia watched with some interest from behind her bars, while Rickert and Griggs attempted to follow along with what Havel was doing, poorly.

_After all, how often did a sorcerer, or anyone really, get to witness a miracle being deciphered?_

“So, this phrase...wow...I wish I remembered more about this firstborn,” Havel muttered, the quill meeting paper as he jotted down the phrase in question, underlining two of the six words. He made a small note under each of the underlined words, looking at the phrase with a critical eye. “This level of power is something else. Even the more experienced of us miracle crafters would have trouble following this line of thought.”

“Um...Havel...sorry to interrupt your train of thought, but, uh, what’s the significance in that phrase?” Rickert asked, Havel snapping momentarily out of his study.

“Oh. Rickert. Didn’t notice you there. What did you say?”

Rickert pointed at the phrase. “What’s so significant about this...gibberish? And the two words you underlined?”

“Ah. Interested in miracles, are you?” Havel’s lip quirked a bit as he looked back down at the phrase, hunching a bit and making another noted under the phrase as a whole. “Well, this phrase is actually a pretty common booster of sorts for miracles. However, it’s normally just the four words that aren’t underlined.”

“So, why the extra two, then? Wouldn’t that...uh...disrupt the phrase or...something?”

“If you don’t use it correctly, yes, it would mess up the intended power boost. But, the two words added actually help triple the boost.” Havel put the quill back in the ink, picking up another piece of paper with only one word on it, holding it up to show the two sorcerers. “This one, here, is the starting word. It’s the most important word, at the moment. And, of notable significance, it’s actually a mash of three other words. It’s what begins the chant, the calling and molding of power into sunlight.” He grabbed another paper, this one holding three phrases, the last of which was the first phrase Rickert had inquired about. “This first phrase on this paper then channels that sunlight directly into lightning, while the second is a sort of command to calm the energy. The last one is the power booster.”

“Okay, so...the miracle takes sunlight... and makes it into lightning for some reason?” Griggs asked, chiming in finally. “...What’s that reason?”

“To coat a weapon,” Havel replied, grabbing another piece of paper, showing them two more phrases. “These two phrases here are used to tell the lightning what the user wishes for and then finally allows the user to coat a weapon with the energy. Well, anything, actually. But I’m fairly certain that it’s meant for combat, if the title ‘Sunlight Blade’ means anything.”

“Okay. And how does this all work?”

“Dunno,” Havel said with a shrug, putting the paper down. “Just know it does.”

Rickert and Griggs looked at him, incredulous looks on their faces. “But...how do you know it’ll work? Surely you must have…” gestured wildly at the pile of paper in front of him, “ _some_ idea of how it does all this!” Rickert exclaimed.

Havel shrugged. “I don’t know how it works. Just that it does. I know what the individual words mean. I know how to string them together. I know how to use miracles without the chants even, since I’ve felt how the power moves. But I don’t know how it works. And that’s not even getting into the fact that this miracle should be far longer than this. But the creator took words and mixed them together, stringing these new words into new phrases. The only phrase here that I could recognize at first glance was that power booster.” Havel looked back at the original miracle scroll. “Honestly, I’d never even considered taking words and smashing them together in the hopes of getting an even shorter trigger. That opens a whole new set of possibilities for miracle crafting.”

The two shared a look, complete with minor twitches and head shakes, before turning back to Havel and declaring in synchronicity, “You are insane.”

Havel raised an eyebrow at the two. “Coming from two sorcerers, I’ll choose to take that as a compliment,” he said, smirking. “Think what you will. But actual knowledge of the miracles themselves could just end up weakening their strength. Maybe. I dunno. I’ve never really given much thought to it.”

The two sorcerers shared a commiserating look then Griggs stated, “We now both suddenly understand the...disdain the Archmages had for Miracle-workers. Havel, you are a shining example of fucking terrifying. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to try and reinforce this cliffside with some sorceries in case you feel the need to...experiment.” He gave a thoughtful look, “Maybe I should move to the Parish. You know what, yes. Goodbye.”

Rickert looked between the retreating Griggs and Havel, then gave chase after the leaving Griggs, “Wait! Don’t leave me with him!”

Havel looked to Anastacia, who merely looked back at him. After a moment of silence, he shrugs his shoulders and looks back down at his current work. “Meh, if it works, it works, right?” he asked no one in particular, scratching out more notes.

**I GOT NOTHING, IT’S A LINE BREAK NOT A COMEDY CLUB**

Havel stretched his right arm, feeling the muscle underneath the skin. He clenched and unclenched the fist a few times, nodding in satisfaction. “That’s feeling a lot better today,” he said to himself. The rest of the shrine was asleep, bringing a sense of normalcy to the otherwise confusing stream that comprised Lordran’s own sense of time. He walked over to where Artorias was laying down, nudging the knight with his foot. “Hey, Artorias. Up and at ‘em. You’re going to be coming with me today.”

Artorias woke with a snort, sitting up with a yawn. “Morning, Havel,” Artorias mumbled, rubbing at his eyes. “A mission for me?”

“Not really, no. I just wanted some company,” Havel answered honestly. “I have a couple places to run to and having someone to talk to will help the time pass a bit more quickly.”

Artorias nodded, coming further out of the fog of half-consciousness. “Just need a few minutes, then.”

“Take what time you need to get ready.” Havel walked off, moving to put on his armor as he waited for Artorias to finish with what few preparations he needed to make. Soon, Artorias and Havel were on the elevators up to the parish, Havel doing some more light stretching of his shoulders and neck. “So, today’s itinerary; we’re going to pick up and drop off some equipment, explore the remains of Oolacile’s gardens, and then go check up on the brats.”

“Sounds fun,” the Wolf answered. His great sword was strapped to his back for the time being, while his own great shield was strapped to his left arm, feeling whole after having it returned by Havel. “Um...who are the brats?”

“You’ll probably recognize them when you see them,” was Havel’s vague reply as the elevator reached the top of the shaft. They stepped out to see Griggs and Rickert lying on the pews, looking somewhat bored with themselves. “Well, hey there, boys. How have you been in the last...uh...two weeks? Something like that?”

“Oh, Havel!” Griggs said, sitting up. “How’d that...miracle stuff go?”

“It went well enough, I suppose. I actually managed to make a new version of Sunlight Blade! It can now coat weapons in the form of a bolt of lightning!” Havel was smiling under his helmet, still giddy at making successful use of the mixing of old words into new.

“Really?Wait...” Rickert asked, sitting up, his elbows resting on his knees as he slouched forward. “...Havel, how does that work indoors?”

“Uh...I don’t know...I haven’t tried it indoors yet.” Havel pulled a short sword from his Dark Sign, his talisman already in hand. All four men watched, looking at the sword as they waited for something to happen. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck the blade of the sword, coating it in orange energy, the blade now crackling with energy. “Huh…” All four slowly craned their necks to look up to see a gray cloud now dissipating.

… _What_

“....What?” Griggs questioned.

“Nope. Fuck it. I’m done.” Rickert got up and walked back to the elevators, ranting “I’m going back to my nice little cell and waiting for the world to make more sense.”

“Havel…that… that isn’t how clouds work,” started Griggs.

“Well, tell that to the cloud!” Havel retorted, gesturing at the now gone cloud.

“Havel, I’m not going to explain to- I’m- THAT IS NOT HOW CLOUDS WORK!” Griggs pointed wildly at Havel. “You know what? I was accepting of Logan’s insanity, because he is a great man. I endured Valkyrie’s and for that matter every pyromancer’s insanity, because they are not people you want agitated. You! You- Gah! The Archmages were not kidding, you miracle workers are in your own little universes!” He stormed off towards the elevators, “I’m going to join Rickert. Please, for the benefit of everyone's sanity and this little slice of Lordan: STOP.”

As the two sorcerers descended down, Havel looked from the sword to the elevators and then to Artorias. “I feel like I’m now obligated to make a miracle that breaks as many laws of nature at once as I can...what are your thoughts, Artorias?” he asked, dispelling the miracle and dropping the shortsword back into his Dark Sign.

“I...sir, you...what?” Artorias finally spoke, still very much confused by the events that had just taken place.

“Alright, we’ll just get back to that later. Come on, let’s go.” Havel walked straight on through the chapel, moving towards the tower beside it.

The pair soon reached Andre, who greeted Havel with a jovial, “Good to see you came back! Your pair is done, Havel.” Andre pulled out a matching set of Dragon Bone Fists, setting them down on the anvil, smiling. “A beaut, these two are. Some of my finest work. Try them on!”

Havel grabbed one, putting it over his glove, surprised it fit so well over the bulky piece of armor. He felt a bar in the end of the weapon, grabbing it. The weight felt good on his fist, moving it up and down, twisting his wrist left and right. He grabbed the other one, going through some basic jabs and uppercuts, liking the feel of the weapons more and more. He nodded, storing them into his Dark Sign. “Good work, Andre,” Havel commented, pulling out a thin glove and one of a handful of spare talismans from his Dark Sign, setting them down on the anvil. “Now, I’ve got a new project for you. How hard would it be for you to incorporate some talismans into different pieces of clothing and armor?”

Andre closed his eyes, his right hand stroking his beard in thought as he leaned back. “Mmm...shouldn’t be all that hard. It all depends on the material, really. Sewing it into clothing wouldn’t be hard at all. Trying to incorporate it into armor would be a bit more difficult, but I think I could get it done.”

“Mind trying it with this glove? I need it to be thin enough to wear under my armor and to be somewhat breathable.”

Andre opened his eyes, leaning forward over his knees to look at the thin materials. He nodded after a few seconds, grinning. “Sure thing. I haven’t had a request like this before. No complaining if the materials end up useless, though.”

“No complaining,” Havel agreed. He stuck his hand out, Andre’s much larger handing grabbing it and the two shook. “I look forward to seeing the results. How long do you think it would take you to do this first one?”

“Only an hour, maybe two. A rough prototype just to see what can be done with it. I’ll have to find my sewing kit, though.” Havel laughed, the laugh cutting short as Andre began to rummage through his chest, in search of the sewing kit. “Go on and find something else to do, unless you’d like to watch.”

Havel opened his mouth, then closed it, shrugging. He led Artorias down the stairs, skirting around the, now cooled, remains of the rubble and titanite demon in the middle of the room. As they stepped out the door at the other end, Havel breathed in the air, noting that the sky appeared to be in the middle of night here. “Well, the right doesn’t look like much going on, so left we shall go, Artorias,” Havel said, moving toward the directions of the small little lights along a path overgrown with vines and foliage. The two came to an abrupt stop, by some unspoken agreement as they stared at their new foe. “Artorias...that bush is walking around, right?”

Artorias slowly nodded. “Yeah...yeah, it’s walking...Havel?”

“Hm?”

“What the hell happened to Lordran?”

“Shit went down, Artorias. Bad shit.” The two continued to watch the walking bush, sticks and leaves and bark making up its body, intertwining vines seeming to make up its arms and legs. With some interest, they watched it slowly feel its way around, apparently blind. “It’s going to fall off that cliff…”

“Aaand it’s falling.” Without a sound, the creature disappeared from sight, falling down. There was the sound of something landing with a crunch and Havel felt a rush of souls flow into his Darksign. “We have to kill a couple hours in this...garden?”

“Give or take, yeah.”

Artorias sighed, gesturing Havel forward. “Let’s get going, then.”

 _Unsurprisingly_ , Havel’s new found pyromancy was extremely effective against the ‘walking bushes’, giving him some much needed practice with the art of fire. Artorias watched with some awe as the general wielded the same power as the Witch. After a few minutes time, they reached a set of stone doors, both tall and imposing, slightly cracked open. To the left of the door was an archway, a bonfire sitting just beyond it, on a cliff’s edge. Havel pushed on the doors, revealing a forest of large, thick trees beyond. The final resting place of Oolacile, now reduced to a garden of walking bushes. As Havel walked down the stairs, Artorias behind him, they heard the sound of armor clanking, coming from their left. Looking over, they saw a transparent knight wielding a claymore, apparently a ghostly protector of the gardens. _Or just some random schmuck wearing a Ring of Fog. Either or works here. Do they really just sit there all day waiting for, what? One, two, people?...like a month?_

Artorias was the one to take this knight head-on, using his shield to parry the initial swing, his right arm, sword in hand, bearing down on the knight. The knight didn’t last past the first hit. After all, Artorias had been a hero during the Dragon War for a reason. The rest of the walk to a narrow stone bridge was uneventful, the self-proclaimed protectors of the forest deciding to shy away from the two strangers. As they walked into the building just before the bridge, they were stopped by a gray cat purring at them. “Thou art new to these woods, strangers. What bringest thee? Hast thou come for the grave of Sir Artorias?” she asked, staring at those who would wear armor of ones she once knew.

Havel clapped Artorias’ shoulder, “I lost a great soldier. I’m sorry for your loss, I’ll pray for you.”

Artorias looked at his mentor, glaring through the cloth. “I’m not dead, you know…”

“Thou hast not heard the fairy tale? Of how Sir Artorias struck a deal with the Abyss and was given passage of dark in exchange?” As the two shook their heads, the cat managed to shrug, yawning. “‘Tis of no consequence, then. So long as thou do not harm the denizens of this garden, then thou shalt be given freedom to go where thou please.” The cat laid her head on her paws, her eyes slowly closing, clearly dismissing the two.

Havel and Artorias shared a look, shrugging in silence and quietly moved out onto the stone bridge. “So, that was Alvina, right?” Havel asked as they walked towards the remains of the coliseum just over the hills, idly watching the very small mushrooms running about.

“I believe so, yes. She must be ancient by this point, though,” Artorias replied, nodding. “I did not wish to believe it at first, but having now seen what remains of Oolacile, it is hard to deny that we are indeed far into the future. Very far.” They reached another narrow bridge, this one leading right to the large open door of the coliseum. In front of it was a fog door, the fog roiling around in its invisible prison. “How far are we willing to explore this garden?”

“Through that gate, at the very least. Who knows? Might even be your grave.” Artorias shuddered a bit at the thought, causing Havel to add in one last jab, “Though, we should gather some flowers first, it would be awfully disrespectful to not leave an offering.”

In response, Artorias performed an ancient communication signal, _better known as flipping the bird,_ and continued forward. It had been hard enough coming to terms with how far flung they were into the future. Now, he might have to deal with seeing his own grave. Perhaps even his own body, if grave robbers had gotten to it and simply decided it was easier to not bury his corpse once more. Artorias followed Havel through the fog, looking around the crumbled arena. In the center stood a large stone, rusted weapons lying around it. At the front of all of them was what appeared to be his sword, still in nearly pristine condition. He checked the sword on his back just to reassure himself if was still on his body. “This is...strange…”

Havel snorted, shaking his head. “Yeah. Imagine what it’s like killing yourself.”

“What?”

“You heard me the first time,” Havel sighed, walking towards the apparent monument. He stopped to inspect some of the swords, clubs, and spears at the outer edge of the weapon graveyard, while Artorias walked past him.

As Artorias reached his hand towards the copy of his sword, a growl and flash of light alerted the two to the presence of others. A wolf bounded in front of Artorias, snarling at the knight, while Ornstein walked around from behind the monument, his spear crackling with pent up energy. “You would do wise to leave, strangers,” Ornstein said, keeping his guard up. “My friend isn’t a big fan of grave robbers.”

“Sparky?” Havel asked, his head moving to look past Artorias.

“Wha- Havel?” Ornstein lowered his spear, surprised to see his old comrade once more. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Sif!” Artorias crowed in cheer, confusing the wolf just long enough for the knight to get in and begin lavishing care upon the canine. Before realization had even hit, Sif was rolling around, playing with the knight, quickly catching a whiff of Artorias, recognizing the man. “Oh, I’ve missed you, girl! You’ve gotten so big!” Indeed, the wolf was now up to Havel’s waist, having stood guard for who knew how long over her master’s grave. Sif began to assault Artorias with her tongue, excited that her believed to be dead master was before her once more.

“Ah, a boy and his wolf,” Havel sighed, smiling. “Wait, Sif’s a girl?”

Ornstein planted the butt of his spear into the ground, walking over to the knight and wolf. He took off his helmet, revealing short cut blonde hair, a scar from his forehead to his jaw, passing over his left eye. “Artorias, is that...is that really you?” he asked, his eyes wide. Artorias looked up, his mouth widening further behind the cloth of his helmet.

“Ornstein! You’re here as well!” Artorias quickly stood up, grabbing the lion into a hug, laughing.

“Oh, okay, is it ignore Havel day? Because, I didn't get the memo. I’ll just be over here. By the grave. Of Artorias...” Havel walked over to the grave looking down at Sif, “Sup?” He then bent down and started inspecting something he had noticed shining in the moonlight at its base. Curious, he picked up a thin greenish gold ring, a very small green stone embedded into it. He pocketed the ring into his Darksign for the time being, resolving to figure out what it was at a later time. He turned back, watching Sif bounce around Artorias, who was still laughing, his spirit now exceptionally high, while Ornstein was smiling, having earlier reluctantly resolved himself to living in a world where those he once knew were dead or forgotten. “Well, guess this is a good way to kill time,” he mumbled, shrugging.

Some time later, after Artorias and Ornstein had finished catching up, the now quartet made their way back through the garden, Sif carrying the copy of Artorias’ sword that apparently now belonged to her in her jaw. As they made their way back into Andre’s home, Havel waved his three companions ahead as he stopped to talk shop with the blacksmith. “So, some good news,” Andre started, holding up a single glove, the material thin and light. “I was able to make the material itself into a glove. It’s a start.”

Havel took off his right glove, taking the thin white glove from Andre and putting it on. “I don’t even feel it on my hand,” he noted, curling and uncurling his fingers. He slid his armored glove back on, looking at it from behind the safety of his helmet.

“Rather thin material you left me to work with, so no surprise on that front,” the blacksmith explained.

“Wait...how did you know my hand’s measurements?”

Andre gave a sly grin and shrugged,“Lucky guess.”

“Uh-huh. Okay.” Havel stepped away, pulling a dagger from his Darksign. A bolt of lightning struck the dagger, coating the weapon. Havel smiled under his helmet, nodding to himself. “Oh, I like this. Why did I never think of this before?”

“Now, I did take the time to enhance it just a wee bit with some titanite shards I had lying around, so it should last quite a while, in and out of combat.” Andre watched Havel swiping the dagger back and forth. “Relatively simple process, well for me that is,” he laughed before huffing in annoyance, “but I’m going to need some more time to try and do the same with actual armor. Good news is I can guarantee it’ll last longer, at the very least.”

“Take as long as you need, Andre. And as many souls as you need, too.” Havel pulled out a rather large soul, handing it over to Andre, who frowned as he inspected the soul

Shaking his head, “That’s far too much there, Havel, I couldn’t accept that.”

“Think of it as an investment. I’ll leave the material for the talismans as well. Gods know I have plenty to spare, both souls and cloth.” Havel dropped the soul onto the anvil, pulling a large wad of cloth from his Darksign to deposit beside the soul. “If you have any way of sending messages out or you ever feel like getting some fresh air to give me news, we’ve set up a community of sorts at the Firelink Shrine. Are you familiar with it?”

He nodded, now inspecting the cloth, “Aye, ‘twas one of the first sights I set my eyes upon when I came to this land.”

“Alright, then. Oh. Don’t be shy about making more of the talismans into gloves by themselves. Having a nice supply of those will more than make up for any armor issues.” Havel walked up the stairs, hearing Andre grunt an affirmative.

At the top, he met back with Ornstein, Artorias, and Sif and they began the short trip back to Firelink Shrine. “Alright, let’s go Artorias, still have one more place to visit before we call it a day. Have fun catching up with the others, Sparky.” Havel didn’t even slow down, simply giving Ornstein a light push in the general direction of Ciaran and Gough. Artorias, who had slowed down momentarily expecting a quick rest, had to quickly jog to catch up with Havel, Sif trotting along beside him.

“So, we’re going to meet the, uh, brats, was it?” Artorias asked as they waited for another elevator to arrive, this one below the shrine. “And this requires us to go down this time.”

“Yep.” Havel stepped onto the elevator, hitting the large button in the center. “Just want to check up on them and a pyromancer with them. And I guess Lautrec.” He shrugged, “Honestly, I’m kind of hoping he managed to fall in something deadly by this point. Maybe some lava.”

“You do not think very highly of this Lautrec fellow, then.” Artorias saw Havel’s helmet swivel just oh so slightly to stare at the wolf knight.

“He killed a firekeeper, Artorias. I know not his reason, but the poor girl had suffered plenty before then. If he believed it to be an act of mercy, then it was a foolish belief. The only good to have come out of that incident was her tongue and legs being healed.”

Artorias sighed and rubbed the back of his head,“Yet many would have done the same, believing death to be a better fate than her current one.”

Havel gave a snort. He had butted heads with various people on such matters before and would continue to do so long into the future, should there still be a future. By this point, they had already gotten past the Valley of Drakes and were approaching the cliff of the swamp. Things were looking much better, after the cleansing fire Quelana and Valkyrie had accidentally unleashed. Everything that had originally tried to kill Havel and Valkyrie was now gone and wouldn’t be coming back anytime soon, while the water itself appeared to still be clean.

“So, how do we get down?” Artorias asked, his foot near the ledge as he leaned over to look. “There appear to be some handholds here.”

“Yep,” Havel replied, moving to begin the climb down.

“You...aren’t surprised by this.”

“Nope.”

Artorias started climbing down, thinking for a moment. “...You made these, didn’t you…?”

He sniffed and pointedly looking away from Artorias, “...Maybe...”

At the bottom of the cliff, the two looked at the crystal clear water, sands, and crumbling columns. It was a marked improvement over the rancid waters of before. Havel led the way, the armored men wading through the water to the domain of Quelaag. Artorias took note of the webbing, but made no comment as Havel continued on, ignoring it. Eventually, Havel led Artorias through a small passage, which opened into a circular room. Artorias stopped in shock when he recognized Quelaan against the wall. Lautrec sat off to the side, his arms crossed. The steady rise and fall of his shoulders and the droop of his helmet suggested he was asleep. Havel put a finger to his helmet, signaling Artorias to stay quiet. He led him back out of the room, turning to the right to go out onto a ledge overlooking lava in all directions. In the far distance, there were small brown specks moving around. Further down an outcropping from the ledge was a larger expanse of rock, on which stood Laurentius, Quelaag, and Quelana. Who appeared to be having a fireball measuring contest.

“Come on, then,” Havel grunted, walking down towards them. “Hey, guys!”

The three pyromancers had obviously not heard them coming as Laurentius was startled out of the creation of a mildly large fireball, the two witches humoring him in the contest, which promptly exploded in his face, and well, the rest of his body. Being on fire, Laurentius proceeded to have the proper reaction to such, which was to panic and flail about. Quelana’s quick attempted to smother him with the only object available, herself, put out some of the fire but just ended with them both being on somewhat fire.

Quelaag pinched her nose and turned to Havel, “Hello Havel, is there something I can help you with? My sister is...” she drifted off as she looked at the two morons rolling around trying to put the stubborn fires out, “...indisposed at the moment.”

“Nah, not much. Just came to check on you kids. Make sure Lautrec was doing his job. Laurentius made it here okay.” He waved his hand back and forth, “That kind of stuff.”

“Ah. Well, the knight you sent has managed to assist in easing Quelaan’s pain. It is sadly not by much, but...it is better than nothing, I suppose. Even if he is...unsettling.” She then turned to face Artorias, looking him up and down. “Is that Sir Artorias with you?”

“Uuuhh…” came Artorias’s intelligent reply. Havel’s elbow in the ribs garnered a quick yelp. “Yes, it’s...it’s Artorias...me...you…” Artorias blinked, trying to find words. “You grew up?”

She remained unamused, “Yes, I have ‘grown up’, if you count the spider half. Otherwise, no, I haven’t.”

“You’ve, uh...you’ve got a new...spider?”

“She pukes lava!” Laurentius exclaimed excitedly, “We aren’t exactly sure where all the lava comes from or why it doesn’t harden instead of disappear, but yeah. Lava puking.” He finished with a solemn nod.

Quelaag looked down at him, raised him in the air, hanging onto the leg like it was a ledge, she shook him off. “Aren’t you supposed to be on fire?”

He shrugged, “I got better.”

An indignant cry of, “That’s my shtick,” was ignored.

Quelaag sighed, shaking her head as Quelana joined the group. “Well, I believe that is enough for now,” Quelana said, brushing a bit of soot off of her arm. “Shall we get back to Quelaan?”

Shortly thereafter, they were gathered back in the circular room, the space noticeably smaller with so many occupants now. Lautrec woke from his slumber, getting up and walking out of the passage, a passing nod at Havel on his way out. “Has he done anything aside from what he was ordered to?” Havel asked as the new occupants made themselves comfortable.

“He’s done naught but heal and grunt. I’m rather worried he may be stunted a bit,” Quelana answered, her hood pulled down for the time being. “I don’t believe he’s answered with anything more than four syllables. And that was just him telling us you sent him. Everything else has been a one or two syllabic answer.”

Laurentius shrugged, “He is kind of a dick. But he doesn’t say much, so he is easy to ignore...” He scratched his chin, “Though Eingyi and I do have to remind him from time to time that his armor won’t stop lava...or clouds of toxic waste.” He furrowed his brow, “Now that I think about it, not much stops lava or clouds of toxic waste.”

“So long as that’s all he’s done, I suppose I won’t toss him into that lava, then,” Havel sighed, internally relieved the knight had tried nothing but what he was ordered to do. They all sat in silence for a bit, appreciating the quiet. The quiet was all too soon interrupted by the sound of stone grinding on stone. Havel looked at the second passage in the room, which lead to a dead end of solid stone. He walked over to it, the others looking at him in curiosity. Artorias followed behind him, sword being slowly drawn to the ready. The other occupants had apparently not heard the grinding sound. Havel listened, hearing the sound of footsteps on the other side of the wall.

**WHAT’S THIS, A POV SWITCH? NO! A LINE BREAK!(ALSO A POV SWITCH)**

Kirk counted up his spoils for the day, figuring he had managed a tidy sum of humanity sprites for The Fair Lady. With this much, she’d be good for a short time. Enough for him to take a short break. As the elevator came to a stop, he walked towards the wall, lost in thought. Perhaps he’d be blessed with hearing her today. To but hear her voice would be reward enough. He hadn’t heard it yet, but surely it was only a matter of time. All the Humanities he had painstakingly gathered _must_ be healing her. He stopped at the wall, doubt creeping in. It was a common thought these days. That he wasn’t helping her. Merely delaying the inevitable. Perhaps even worsening her suffering. He shook his head, he was _helping_ her. You couldn’t hurt someone by helping them, could you?

CRUNCH

These thoughts were interrupted by a fist crashing through the stone, grabbing onto Kirk’s helmet. His eyes widened, the only words he could get out in time went along the lines of “Meep.” then the hand suddenly slammed him into the stone a few times, eventually breaking completely through. Between the fingers, he saw the man in rock armor he had failed to kill earlier. He grit his teeth, grabbing for his sword. This action was stopped by the back of his head slamming into the hard rock floor. His hand lost its grip on the sword, his eyes blinking as his mind tried to process what was happening right now.

“Uggh, hello-” he coughed, “-hello stone face. Can’t- can’t say I am enjoying our reunion.”

“Bramble bush. For your sake, you better be passing through,” was the reply.

“Oh certainly,” he attempted a nod and failed, “if you mean passing my sword through you.”

A large slab of metal with an edge was now pressed against his neck. He followed the sword to its owner, seeing a tall, well built man in the armor of Artorias holding it. “That would very much be unadvisable, thorned knight,” came the rumbling reply.

“Oooohhh~ Tall, dark, and spooky. I’m trembling in me thorns.” The man raised the blade a bit, angling it for a plunge, “Scared! Yes! I’m thoroughly intimidated by your overcompensating sword!”

“Havel, can I kill him now?” asked the man with the sword.

“Hang on, Artorias.” Havel picked him up off the ground, slamming his back into the wall.

“He is right you know, it does seem a bit...overcompensating-y. “ Chimed in Laurentius.

“Not helping, Laurentius!” Havel called back, nodding to Artorias. “Okay, _now_ you can kill him.”

“Hey hey hey! Hold on now! If you kill me I’ll die!” He saw them pause for a second so he continued, “Besides! Fire Hobo over there agreed with me so I can’t be all bad!”

Laurentius sputtered, “Fire Hobo! I do n-” he looked down at his mildly burnt raggy outfit.”...okay, I will concede that my clothes have seen better days.”

“Havel, please, hold a moment!” Quelaag intervened, moving to get a better view of the passage. “Ah, Knight Kirk. You are back.”

“Ah! Lady Quelaag! You know Rocky here? Could you please tell him to tone down the whole ‘Golem Smash’ skit? It's getting, uncomfortable in...places.” He begged.

“I supposed you could think of him as my...uncle. I cannot tell him to do anything. You may have to apologize to him for whatever slight you have caused.”

“Apologize! Uncle! That-...okay that actually makes a lot of sense. But Apologize! The horror! All's fair in murder and theft, besides he tried to kill me back!” Havel tightened his grip a bit. “Right, right! I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry your armor was too broken to slip a dagger through!”

Havel stared at him. “Artorias,” he said, the wolf knight pulling his arm back for the plunge.

“Alright, alright! Hey now! No need for murder, right? Nobody died last time, nobody dies this time, yeah?” he gasped out, still trying to pry Havel’s hand from his neck.

“Tell you what, Kirk. I’ll give you one chance. All you have to do is give me _one_ very good reason to not let Artorias here have his sword make love with your neck.”

“...I’m not sword sexual?” He saw Artorias raise his sword again, “I Uh! I have Humanities? For Uh, The Fair Lady?”

Havel looked back at Quelaag. “The Chaos Covenant’s title for Quelaan,” she supplied.

Havel looked back to Kirk, staring at him. Eventually, he grunted to Artorias, who lowered his sword, while Havel’s fingers let go of Kirk, letting the man fall onto his feet. “Quelaan has a covenant…” Havel scratched at his helmet. “She has a covenant...I’m...I’m actually kind of impressed and proud.”

Kirk pushed himself up after catching his breath and went to brush himself of, only to stop and remind himself that it was still a bad idea to do so. He gasped again and his hands went to his throat and helmet, “Oh no! You bent them you inglorious brute! This will take days to fix!”

“If it’s any consolation, the thorns drew blood before they bent,” Havel said, holding up his hand to show a single trickle of blood.

“Hrmph, well I certainly hope so. They were enchanted by a master after all.” He puffed his chest out with pride, not that could really see it.” I will likely have to search for him again, hopefully he remains in Lordran. Do tell me if you stumble upon a bumbling fool with an absurdly large hat, can you accomplish that at least you knuckledragger?”

“...Logan?”

“Lo-who?” he said surprised, “You mean the idiot _hasn’t_ gotten himself captured and dragged off to a prison yet? Again?”

“Last I saw him was...well, actually, I was passed out. But he’s with Valkyrie. The female pyro you met earlier, when you ambushed me.”

“Ah yes! The fire wench. The one who interrupted my spectacular verbal jousting and your piss poor attempts to keep up.” He nodded.

Havel sighed, shaking his head. “Just...go give Quelaan the Humanity you claim to have.”

He cleared his throat, having forgotten about that, “Right. Well uh..I suppose this would be the best time to ask. Does anyone actually know how to give someone Humanities? I’ve uh..kinda just been shoving them into her…”

At Quelaag’s nose pinch that accompanied her growing headache and Quelana's drawn sigh, he figured he was doing it wrong.

**LINE BREAK!**

**Omake**

**Mushroom people**

“So...why are there so many walking mushrooms around here?” Artorias asked as they made their way to the remains of the colosseum of Oolacile.

“I...I don’t know, actually,” Havel replied, thinking on it. “Maybe they’re descendants of Elizabeth.”

“Who?”

“Uh...nothing…” The two continued on in silence for a bit. “You know, they are kinda cute. Small and adorable.”

“I suppose so,” Artorias nodded, bending down as one came close to them. It quickly scurried off, making a high pitched squeaking sound, leaving Artorias to chuckle.

Then they heard Ominous chanting drifting through the air.

 _Mush~room Pe~pole, Mush~room Pe~pole. Look like Mush~room, hit like dump truck._ But one without brakes.The fully-loaded kind.

WHAM

“Havel..sir...are you okay?” Havel groaned from his new home in the cliff wall. “I’ll just...find something to pry you out of there, then.” He got a groan in response. Artorias glanced at the Large Mushroom standing there with fist still extended, slowly lowering it. It turned to look at him. “Maybe...Maybe later.” Havel groaned.

**Redbull gives Sif wings**

“Hey, girl, what have you got there?” Havel asked, noticing Sif with a blue and silvery cylinder in her mouth. She trotted over to him, wagging her tail. Havel held his hand out, gently pulling it from her, as she sat down, tongue hanging out. Havel looked at the object, noting a red bull on the front. “Huh…” He noticed what looked like a tab of some sort on what must be the top. He gave it a pull, the object hissing at him, surprising him enough to make him drop it. Liquid spilled out, Sif immediately going to lap at it. Havel shook his head. “A container to hold liquid. Where in the name of the gods did you manage to find something like that?” Sif gave him a bark, having finished the liquid. Havel blinked, then blinked again in shock. Sif now had wings sprouting from her back.

**Stick always wins**

“But how do we beat it?” questioned Artorias.

“I’m...I’m not sure. Maybe we could...poison it?”supplied Ciarn.

“Hrmm, I’m not sure how that would work. It doesn't appear to have blood...or a need for it,” drawled Gough.

“Of course it wouldn’t work! It would just be laced in poison then! That’s like...twice as bad! Clearly we need to electrify it and turn it to ash,” Ornstein exclaimed.

“No, you fool! Then it would be ash! Ash that could get into your lungs and kill you! It would still win!” Artorias admonished. He continued, “It could even fertilize the ground, and it might even…” He gulped. “Grow more!”

“What the hell are you four doing?” Havel asked, walking up to the group.

“You can’t beat stick Havel! It's impossible,” Artorias told him.

“It true, no matter what we think of stick still wins,” Ciran added, with Gough and Ornstein nodding along.

Havel looked at them, desperately fighting the instinct to facepalm. He calmly picked up the stick, inspecting it from all angles. “This stick here?”

Artorias nodded, “Yes, that stick there.”

“What about breaking it?”

“No, Boss! That just...” He shivered, “...gets you two stick!”

“Burn it?”

“Same problem with electricity, stick turns to ash and gets in lungs. We die, stick still wins.” Ornstein shook his head sadly.

“...Bury it?”

“Many plants can replicate themselves when parts of themselves are broken off and replanted,” Ciaran supplied, “There is a high chance it grows into a tree and makes even more stick.”

Havel looked between his knights and the stick. He then gave a whistle. “Here, Sif! Here, girl!” Sif came bounding over, as Havel began to wave the stick back and forth. “Want the stick, girl?! Want the stick?!” Sif bounded around, barking for Havel to throw the stick. Havel obliged, throwing it to the other side of the shrine. “There. We’ll leave it to the stick’s natural enemy. Man’s best friend.”

Artorias frowned, “Sir, if my dog dies...I will be extremely unhappy.”

“Noted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sneaky:So..yeah! This is a thing. A majority of this was written over a period of fucking forever. As always, I played the part of Kirk and the Pyromancers, and the line breaks, and the humanization of conversation and the sorcerers(fav scene). Onto the Omakes I guess? Regardless, next chapter is going to have a massive fight scene so Huzzah!


End file.
